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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Terror Tales (2016)

A panty-sniffing psycho (played with a shit eating grin and endless panache by a terrific Christopher Showerman) kidnaps a family and forces the patriarch to listen to a trilogy of terror tales (hence that title this flick sports) or else he’ll release a deadly nerve gas that will force the man’s wife and daughter to twerk themselves to death…oh for the fucking love of fuck… Anyway, tale one, By Proxy, concerns a horror author/mother (Lynn Lowry of Shivers fame) who witnesses the suicide of her small child. After that a demon visits her to teach her the error of her life’s ways on Christmas like a distaff Ebeneezer Scrooge. Featuring a nice performance from Lowry, some real emotional content, and a fun demon design, this is a very strong way to start the collection of stories. Next up is Radical Video, an ’80’s set yarn featuring the horror hound pleasin’ misadventures of a serial killer armed with a sledgehammer puttin’

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DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Loophole (2019)

Better buckle up for this one boils n’ ghouls ‘cuz ol’ XIII has just had a lousy time in front of the boob tube and he’s going to bring you along on his pain parade! Before I lose my shit; let me briefly tell you the plot to the upcoming film Loophole. Mankind has discovered the Hamanaro Strand, a piece of the genetic code that makes those that possess it violent criminals. This leads to mandatory testing for the gene, and the removal of those that have it from the society of decent folk…there’s also a conspiracy involving the UN and Satan. Okay, fair enough. Enter college student Lexi Smith (Chloe Lukasiak) and her friend Emma (Gabrielle Valladares). These young ladies are tested and found to have an unusual genetic profile that may link them to Judas Iscariot. They are then caught up in a war between an angel Riley (Deven Bromme) and Satan’s pal Asael (Mark Shrader)…they are also

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Harrowing (2017)

Detective Ryan Calhoun (Matthew Tompkins) is having a shit go of it as of late as he is plagued by the events surrounding the rather strange murder of his best friend…a murder that involves the local forensic hospital. Being a blithe spirit (read sad sack borderline psychotic), our here tap dances into danger’s gaping maw and sets about investigating that sinister structure to uncover the truth, but instead of your normal procedural, Ry-man is tossed six ways to Sunday! I gotta tell you creeps; Writer/Director Jon Keeyes kinda pulled the rug out from under ol’ XIII with The Harrowing…and that is a thing of wicked wonder indeed! With it’s deft blend of psychological thrills, and supernatural shocks, this film rises (severed) head and shoulders over the typical “spooky asylum fraught with jump scares” that pictures of this genre usually fall prey to…rather, things play out like a walking nightmare, and all sense of reality becomes nicely skewed. Along with that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Date from Hell (2018)

You know how I do the ol’ “Once in a blue moon, a horror short comes along that really tickles the ol’ preternatural pickle…” routine, then I lay my award losing “This ain’t it” punchline in there to thunderous (or is that nonexistent…) applause? Well, this ain’t that! Date From Hell weaves a terror tale of two mismatched lovers; the meek Bobby (Samuel Brett Howard), and the manipulative Susie (Ava L’Amoreaux). these two get into a bit of a lovers spat before engaging in some rather strange date night rituals…but things are soon complicated by the arrival of a third wheel…and a potentially psychotic one at that. I can’t say more without givin’ away the entire thing…but let’s just say this fright flick goes in some deviously delightful and unexpected directions boys n’ ghouls! Written (along with Co-Writer/Producer Tracee Beebe) and Directed by Ven Scott (who in turn is the vocalist for metal band Runescarred…and you know how we love

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Ritual (2018)

To honor their fallen friend, four dudes decide to go hiking in Sweden (trust me, it isn’t as rando as it sounds…these dudes were going to rough it in just such a manner before their bro got all pulped AF by some thieves). Anyway, woods, cold, hikety-do! Almost immediately these fools find and ignore the tell-tale signs that you should just give up trudging through the woods and go the fuck home and play some Xbox or some such shit; namely ancient runes carved everywhere, large animal carcasses hanging from trees, strange effigies of inhuman figures located in “abandoned” cabins…Anyway, as you may have surmised, something ancient and evil lives in them thar woods, and our heroes are about to be in for the nightmare ride of all nightmare rides as they try to survive not only the beast and his faithful throng, but also the guilt they harbor inside their souls! Directed by David Bruckner (Southbound, V/H/S), with a

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DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Maniac (1980): 3 – Disc Limited Edition

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Crimson Peak (2015)

Young Edith Cushing (Mia Wasikowska) has a hell of a history with ghosts. As a child she was visited by the nightmarish specter of her recently deceased mother who warns her of the dangers of Crimson Peak…whatever the unholy hell that is. Flash forward, and ol’ Edith is hoping to become the Victorian age’s the next Mary Shelley. Soon a mysterious stranger; the enigmatic Thomas Sharpe (Tom Hiddleston) blows into town and wins Edith’s heart, much to the ire of her father (Jim Beaver). Well soon daddy dearest suffers an “accident” after finding out a sinister secret concerning Sharpe and his sister Lucille (Jessica Chastain), and Edith is whisked away to Sharpe’s dilapidated English manor, Allerdale Hall, as his blushin’ bride. Of course those pesky spirits keep appearing to our heroine, and things are definitely most foul at that arcane abode…and the surrounding land nicknamed Crimson Peak! Will Edith survive her stay within those haunted walls, or come to join

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 23, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Monster Party (2018)

Dodge (Brandon Micheal Hall), Casper (Sean Strike) and Iris (Virginia Gardner) are small potatoes in the crime scene…just a trio o’ pals committing low-level burglaries and the like…but soon they set their eyes on a bigger prize. Ya see, C-dawg’s pops is in some serious shit with a loan shark to whom he owes ten large and the gang gets the neon light idea to pose as caterers and rob a rich AF family, The Dawsons by name, during a din-din shindig being held at their palatial estates while the family is occupied with the festivities at hand. The only problem? These Dawson characters are a weird lot. Patriarch Patrick (Julian McMahon) and son Elliot (Kian Lawley) are off-putting as balls, though to be fair at first glance mother Roxanne (Robin Tunney) and daughter Alexis (Erin Moriarty) are relatively normal. As for the party itself, it’s comprised of only male guests minus one female participant (who desperately asks our faux

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DanXIII
Dec 19, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)

Young orphan Lewis (Owen Vaccaro) is the type of kid that takes to memorizing dictionaries rather than engaging in the folly of youth. Anyway, Lewis soon takes up residence with his eccentric clock obsessed uncle Jonathon (Jack Black) in his Victorian mansion…a mansion filled with living furniture and more magic than most households (which admittedly hover somewhere around zero on the magic-o-meter). It doesn’t take Lewis long to learn that Jonathan is a real life warlock, and his associate Florence Zimmerman (Cate Blanchett) is no slouch in that department either, which is a damn good thing as the house was once owned by an evil warlock named Isaac Izard (Kyle MacLachlan) who left a clock hidden within the mansion walls that can bring about doomsday when it’s countdown ends. Can our erstwhile heroes find the demonic timepiece before the end of the world…and before Izard himself arrives from the afterlife? Filled with magic, monsters, re-animated corpses, a heartfelt story-line involving

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 18, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation (1994)

Four teenage stereotypes; the horny popular dude, the mousy girly (played by Renée Zellweger of all people), the stoner, and the beautiful good girl head out on a drive after a prom night dust-up between good n’ horny (now available at our concession stand). As they tear ass around the Texas back roads they end up having an accident and seek help at a titty-flashin’ real estate agent’s office. The agent, Darla (Tonie Perensky) by name, calls her boyfriend Vilmer (I’m not going to tell you who plays him…alright, alright, alright, it’s Matthew McConaughey) to help out the troubled teens. Of course he’s a psycho (and a partially hydraulic powered one to boot), and soon our gang of goofs run afoul of ol’ Leatherface (Robert Jacks) and the rest of Vilmer’s crazed clan. Soon you’ll be wondering who will survive, and what will be left of them…or at least how some of the people involved had such huge careers after

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 17, 2018

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Terror Tales (2016)

A panty-sniffing psycho (played with a shit eating grin and endless panache by a terrific Christopher Showerman) kidnaps a family and forces the patriarch to listen to a trilogy of terror tales (hence that title this flick sports) or else he’ll release a deadly nerve gas that will force the man’s wife and daughter to twerk themselves to death…oh for the fucking love of fuck… Anyway, tale one, By Proxy, concerns a horror author/mother (Lynn Lowry of Shivers fame) who witnesses the suicide of her small child. After that a demon visits her to teach her the error of her life’s ways on Christmas like a distaff Ebeneezer Scrooge. Featuring a nice performance from Lowry, some real emotional content, and a fun demon design, this is a very strong way to start the collection of stories. Next up is Radical Video, an ’80’s set yarn featuring the horror hound pleasin’ misadventures of a serial killer armed with a sledgehammer puttin’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Loophole (2019)

Better buckle up for this one boils n’ ghouls ‘cuz ol’ XIII has just had a lousy time in front of the boob tube and he’s going to bring you along on his pain parade! Before I lose my shit; let me briefly tell you the plot to the upcoming film Loophole. Mankind has discovered the Hamanaro Strand, a piece of the genetic code that makes those that possess it violent criminals. This leads to mandatory testing for the gene, and the removal of those that have it from the society of decent folk…there’s also a conspiracy involving the UN and Satan. Okay, fair enough. Enter college student Lexi Smith (Chloe Lukasiak) and her friend Emma (Gabrielle Valladares). These young ladies are tested and found to have an unusual genetic profile that may link them to Judas Iscariot. They are then caught up in a war between an angel Riley (Deven Bromme) and Satan’s pal Asael (Mark Shrader)…they are also

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Harrowing (2017)

Detective Ryan Calhoun (Matthew Tompkins) is having a shit go of it as of late as he is plagued by the events surrounding the rather strange murder of his best friend…a murder that involves the local forensic hospital. Being a blithe spirit (read sad sack borderline psychotic), our here tap dances into danger’s gaping maw and sets about investigating that sinister structure to uncover the truth, but instead of your normal procedural, Ry-man is tossed six ways to Sunday! I gotta tell you creeps; Writer/Director Jon Keeyes kinda pulled the rug out from under ol’ XIII with The Harrowing…and that is a thing of wicked wonder indeed! With it’s deft blend of psychological thrills, and supernatural shocks, this film rises (severed) head and shoulders over the typical “spooky asylum fraught with jump scares” that pictures of this genre usually fall prey to…rather, things play out like a walking nightmare, and all sense of reality becomes nicely skewed. Along with that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Date from Hell (2018)

You know how I do the ol’ “Once in a blue moon, a horror short comes along that really tickles the ol’ preternatural pickle…” routine, then I lay my award losing “This ain’t it” punchline in there to thunderous (or is that nonexistent…) applause? Well, this ain’t that! Date From Hell weaves a terror tale of two mismatched lovers; the meek Bobby (Samuel Brett Howard), and the manipulative Susie (Ava L’Amoreaux). these two get into a bit of a lovers spat before engaging in some rather strange date night rituals…but things are soon complicated by the arrival of a third wheel…and a potentially psychotic one at that. I can’t say more without givin’ away the entire thing…but let’s just say this fright flick goes in some deviously delightful and unexpected directions boys n’ ghouls! Written (along with Co-Writer/Producer Tracee Beebe) and Directed by Ven Scott (who in turn is the vocalist for metal band Runescarred…and you know how we love

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Ritual (2018)

To honor their fallen friend, four dudes decide to go hiking in Sweden (trust me, it isn’t as rando as it sounds…these dudes were going to rough it in just such a manner before their bro got all pulped AF by some thieves). Anyway, woods, cold, hikety-do! Almost immediately these fools find and ignore the tell-tale signs that you should just give up trudging through the woods and go the fuck home and play some Xbox or some such shit; namely ancient runes carved everywhere, large animal carcasses hanging from trees, strange effigies of inhuman figures located in “abandoned” cabins…Anyway, as you may have surmised, something ancient and evil lives in them thar woods, and our heroes are about to be in for the nightmare ride of all nightmare rides as they try to survive not only the beast and his faithful throng, but also the guilt they harbor inside their souls! Directed by David Bruckner (Southbound, V/H/S), with a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Maniac (1980): 3 – Disc Limited Edition

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Crimson Peak (2015)

Young Edith Cushing (Mia Wasikowska) has a hell of a history with ghosts. As a child she was visited by the nightmarish specter of her recently deceased mother who warns her of the dangers of Crimson Peak…whatever the unholy hell that is. Flash forward, and ol’ Edith is hoping to become the Victorian age’s the next Mary Shelley. Soon a mysterious stranger; the enigmatic Thomas Sharpe (Tom Hiddleston) blows into town and wins Edith’s heart, much to the ire of her father (Jim Beaver). Well soon daddy dearest suffers an “accident” after finding out a sinister secret concerning Sharpe and his sister Lucille (Jessica Chastain), and Edith is whisked away to Sharpe’s dilapidated English manor, Allerdale Hall, as his blushin’ bride. Of course those pesky spirits keep appearing to our heroine, and things are definitely most foul at that arcane abode…and the surrounding land nicknamed Crimson Peak! Will Edith survive her stay within those haunted walls, or come to join

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 23, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Monster Party (2018)

Dodge (Brandon Micheal Hall), Casper (Sean Strike) and Iris (Virginia Gardner) are small potatoes in the crime scene…just a trio o’ pals committing low-level burglaries and the like…but soon they set their eyes on a bigger prize. Ya see, C-dawg’s pops is in some serious shit with a loan shark to whom he owes ten large and the gang gets the neon light idea to pose as caterers and rob a rich AF family, The Dawsons by name, during a din-din shindig being held at their palatial estates while the family is occupied with the festivities at hand. The only problem? These Dawson characters are a weird lot. Patriarch Patrick (Julian McMahon) and son Elliot (Kian Lawley) are off-putting as balls, though to be fair at first glance mother Roxanne (Robin Tunney) and daughter Alexis (Erin Moriarty) are relatively normal. As for the party itself, it’s comprised of only male guests minus one female participant (who desperately asks our faux

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 19, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)

Young orphan Lewis (Owen Vaccaro) is the type of kid that takes to memorizing dictionaries rather than engaging in the folly of youth. Anyway, Lewis soon takes up residence with his eccentric clock obsessed uncle Jonathon (Jack Black) in his Victorian mansion…a mansion filled with living furniture and more magic than most households (which admittedly hover somewhere around zero on the magic-o-meter). It doesn’t take Lewis long to learn that Jonathan is a real life warlock, and his associate Florence Zimmerman (Cate Blanchett) is no slouch in that department either, which is a damn good thing as the house was once owned by an evil warlock named Isaac Izard (Kyle MacLachlan) who left a clock hidden within the mansion walls that can bring about doomsday when it’s countdown ends. Can our erstwhile heroes find the demonic timepiece before the end of the world…and before Izard himself arrives from the afterlife? Filled with magic, monsters, re-animated corpses, a heartfelt story-line involving

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 18, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Next Generation (1994)

Four teenage stereotypes; the horny popular dude, the mousy girly (played by Renée Zellweger of all people), the stoner, and the beautiful good girl head out on a drive after a prom night dust-up between good n’ horny (now available at our concession stand). As they tear ass around the Texas back roads they end up having an accident and seek help at a titty-flashin’ real estate agent’s office. The agent, Darla (Tonie Perensky) by name, calls her boyfriend Vilmer (I’m not going to tell you who plays him…alright, alright, alright, it’s Matthew McConaughey) to help out the troubled teens. Of course he’s a psycho (and a partially hydraulic powered one to boot), and soon our gang of goofs run afoul of ol’ Leatherface (Robert Jacks) and the rest of Vilmer’s crazed clan. Soon you’ll be wondering who will survive, and what will be left of them…or at least how some of the people involved had such huge careers after

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 17, 2018
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