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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Willie Dynamite (1974)

Willie Dynamite (Roscoe Orman…who you may know as Gordon from Sesame Street) cruises the streets in a lavender automobile roughly the size of a small continent while wearing a lampshade as a hat (go ahead and convince me otherwise) as his theme song plays (Willie! Oh, Willie D.!!) before collecting a hefty sum for the snapper he sold the local Shriner convention. But as fate would have it, pimpin’ ain’t easy, and Willie must contend with a late trick…and not a top earner as well. At least he can rely on the camaraderie of his pimp peers…peers who take the advice of Bell (Roger Robinson in a performance so flamboyant it would make Elton John blush) and decide to play the game in delineated territories in order to maximize profits and stay ahead of the law…a plan that goes over like a fart in a submarine to enterprisin’ Willie D. Before long, our hero has to deal with the ever-growing

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Bloody Birthday (1981)

In 1970, three children were born during an eclipse (presented in the cheapest way imaginable, and a real treat for those of you that dig on still photos of a solar eclipse and V.O. exposition…). Flash forward ten years, and these hellions (played by Elizabeth Hoy, Billy Jayne, and Andrew Freeman respectively) are making 1980 a real shitty year for their suburban neighborhood. Engaging in everything from spying on Julie Brown (Earth Girls Are Easy variety, not ‘Downtown’…) dancing around naked, to locking other kids in abandoned refrigerators, to straight up murder (victims include, but are not limited to: their parents, teachers, and rando horny teens). Soon it’s up to Timmy (K.C. Martel) and his sister Joyce (Lori Lethin) to try and put an end to these tiny terrors armed only with astrology (?!!) and their wits…my money’s on the killer kids… The first thing that will doubtless pop into your fevered lil’ brains as you watch Bloody Birthday is

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 4, 2019
Horror Fuel

Johnny Unheimlich Conjure New Single ‘Crooked Teeth’

Dark acoustic duo Johnny Unheimlich have reached deep into the abyss of arcane audio and pulled forth their latest offering to the Dark Master (and your eerie earholes ‘natch); Crooked Teeth! The best way I can describe ol’ Johnny’s sinister sound is; imagine if David Lynch was the musical director of a coffee shop/occult bookstore in Hell…that kinda scratches the surface of what these dudes sound like, but their genius runs much, much deeper. Why not give ‘Crooked Teeth’ a listen for yourself and fall deep under their sonic spell?!! Head here to begin your journey into the wicked world of Johnny Unheimlich!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Lonely (and rich) housewife Minou (Dagmar Lassander) spends her time pining for the affection of her husband Peter (Pier Paolo Capponi) who is never around. While walking alone one night, Minou is accosted by a weirdo who tells her Peter is, in fact, a murderer. She pays this insanity no mind, but soon the evidence appears to back up the stranger’s claims, and Minou finds herself tumbling into an ever deeper abyss of blackmail at the hands of the devious (and horny) creeper. Will Minou be able to regain a semblance of a normal life and escape this ordeal with her sanity intact or will she be destroyed by the blackmailer’s game? The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion appears to be a giallo, but honestly it isn’t; no black gloved killer appears…hell, no murder appears in the film at all…but what the film is is a mystery with giallo window dressing. Director Luciano Ercoli has infused the piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Waterworld (1995)

In the future (or like next Tuesday the way shit is going) the polar ice caps have melted flooding the planet. Folks now live on floating islands of scrap called atolls and hold a belief that a mythical “Dryland” must exist out there…somewhere. Enter The Mariner (Kevin Costner); a dirt trader (yeah…dirt is a commodity because…water reasons…) and gill havin’ mutant to the atoll. Very, very long story short; pirates lead by Deacon (Dennis Hopper) invade the atoll looking to kidnap a girl named Enola (Tina Majorino) who just so happens to have a map to Dryland tattooed on her back, and it’s up to Mariner to protect her while hopefully leading the remnants of humanity to Dryland. I’m not going to tell you that Waterworld is a perfect film; it’s bloated as all fuck, is obviously a vanity project for Costner, and is derivative of the Mad Max franchise to the point of distraction…it also isn’t the Kong-sized piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Doom Room (2019)

A nameless woman (Johanna Stanton) wakes up in a locked room in some place or another (she has no fuckin’ clue, and neither do we). I guess that’s cool…just chill the F out and get to really know yourself kind of ‘sitch…of course she has shit-all as far as memories are concerned…and she’s not really alone. You see these “beings” with catchy handles such as Husband (Matthew Tompkins), Wife (genre legend Debbie Rochon) and Innocence (Hayden Tweedie) keep appearing in the room to give our heroine static. Who or what are they? How did they get in there? Is our protagonist encountering demons or is she merely insane? Those questions will have to be answered with the fuckin’ quickness if our Jane Doe is going to make it through this ordeal! Comprised of a style that could best be described as arthouse with a sprinkle of grindhouse for flavor; Doom Room is one odd duck of a fright flick. The

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Terror Tales (2016)

A panty-sniffing psycho (played with a shit eating grin and endless panache by a terrific Christopher Showerman) kidnaps a family and forces the patriarch to listen to a trilogy of terror tales (hence that title this flick sports) or else he’ll release a deadly nerve gas that will force the man’s wife and daughter to twerk themselves to death…oh for the fucking love of fuck… Anyway, tale one, By Proxy, concerns a horror author/mother (Lynn Lowry of Shivers fame) who witnesses the suicide of her small child. After that a demon visits her to teach her the error of her life’s ways on Christmas like a distaff Ebeneezer Scrooge. Featuring a nice performance from Lowry, some real emotional content, and a fun demon design, this is a very strong way to start the collection of stories. Next up is Radical Video, an ’80’s set yarn featuring the horror hound pleasin’ misadventures of a serial killer armed with a sledgehammer puttin’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Loophole (2019)

Better buckle up for this one boils n’ ghouls ‘cuz ol’ XIII has just had a lousy time in front of the boob tube and he’s going to bring you along on his pain parade! Before I lose my shit; let me briefly tell you the plot to the upcoming film Loophole. Mankind has discovered the Hamanaro Strand, a piece of the genetic code that makes those that possess it violent criminals. This leads to mandatory testing for the gene, and the removal of those that have it from the society of decent folk…there’s also a conspiracy involving the UN and Satan. Okay, fair enough. Enter college student Lexi Smith (Chloe Lukasiak) and her friend Emma (Gabrielle Valladares). These young ladies are tested and found to have an unusual genetic profile that may link them to Judas Iscariot. They are then caught up in a war between an angel Riley (Deven Bromme) and Satan’s pal Asael (Mark Shrader)…they are also

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Harrowing (2017)

Detective Ryan Calhoun (Matthew Tompkins) is having a shit go of it as of late as he is plagued by the events surrounding the rather strange murder of his best friend…a murder that involves the local forensic hospital. Being a blithe spirit (read sad sack borderline psychotic), our here tap dances into danger’s gaping maw and sets about investigating that sinister structure to uncover the truth, but instead of your normal procedural, Ry-man is tossed six ways to Sunday! I gotta tell you creeps; Writer/Director Jon Keeyes kinda pulled the rug out from under ol’ XIII with The Harrowing…and that is a thing of wicked wonder indeed! With it’s deft blend of psychological thrills, and supernatural shocks, this film rises (severed) head and shoulders over the typical “spooky asylum fraught with jump scares” that pictures of this genre usually fall prey to…rather, things play out like a walking nightmare, and all sense of reality becomes nicely skewed. Along with that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Date from Hell (2018)

You know how I do the ol’ “Once in a blue moon, a horror short comes along that really tickles the ol’ preternatural pickle…” routine, then I lay my award losing “This ain’t it” punchline in there to thunderous (or is that nonexistent…) applause? Well, this ain’t that! Date From Hell weaves a terror tale of two mismatched lovers; the meek Bobby (Samuel Brett Howard), and the manipulative Susie (Ava L’Amoreaux). these two get into a bit of a lovers spat before engaging in some rather strange date night rituals…but things are soon complicated by the arrival of a third wheel…and a potentially psychotic one at that. I can’t say more without givin’ away the entire thing…but let’s just say this fright flick goes in some deviously delightful and unexpected directions boys n’ ghouls! Written (along with Co-Writer/Producer Tracee Beebe) and Directed by Ven Scott (who in turn is the vocalist for metal band Runescarred…and you know how we love

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Willie Dynamite (1974)

Willie Dynamite (Roscoe Orman…who you may know as Gordon from Sesame Street) cruises the streets in a lavender automobile roughly the size of a small continent while wearing a lampshade as a hat (go ahead and convince me otherwise) as his theme song plays (Willie! Oh, Willie D.!!) before collecting a hefty sum for the snapper he sold the local Shriner convention. But as fate would have it, pimpin’ ain’t easy, and Willie must contend with a late trick…and not a top earner as well. At least he can rely on the camaraderie of his pimp peers…peers who take the advice of Bell (Roger Robinson in a performance so flamboyant it would make Elton John blush) and decide to play the game in delineated territories in order to maximize profits and stay ahead of the law…a plan that goes over like a fart in a submarine to enterprisin’ Willie D. Before long, our hero has to deal with the ever-growing

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Bloody Birthday (1981)

In 1970, three children were born during an eclipse (presented in the cheapest way imaginable, and a real treat for those of you that dig on still photos of a solar eclipse and V.O. exposition…). Flash forward ten years, and these hellions (played by Elizabeth Hoy, Billy Jayne, and Andrew Freeman respectively) are making 1980 a real shitty year for their suburban neighborhood. Engaging in everything from spying on Julie Brown (Earth Girls Are Easy variety, not ‘Downtown’…) dancing around naked, to locking other kids in abandoned refrigerators, to straight up murder (victims include, but are not limited to: their parents, teachers, and rando horny teens). Soon it’s up to Timmy (K.C. Martel) and his sister Joyce (Lori Lethin) to try and put an end to these tiny terrors armed only with astrology (?!!) and their wits…my money’s on the killer kids… The first thing that will doubtless pop into your fevered lil’ brains as you watch Bloody Birthday is

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 4, 2019
Horror Fuel

Johnny Unheimlich Conjure New Single ‘Crooked Teeth’

Dark acoustic duo Johnny Unheimlich have reached deep into the abyss of arcane audio and pulled forth their latest offering to the Dark Master (and your eerie earholes ‘natch); Crooked Teeth! The best way I can describe ol’ Johnny’s sinister sound is; imagine if David Lynch was the musical director of a coffee shop/occult bookstore in Hell…that kinda scratches the surface of what these dudes sound like, but their genius runs much, much deeper. Why not give ‘Crooked Teeth’ a listen for yourself and fall deep under their sonic spell?!! Head here to begin your journey into the wicked world of Johnny Unheimlich!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Lonely (and rich) housewife Minou (Dagmar Lassander) spends her time pining for the affection of her husband Peter (Pier Paolo Capponi) who is never around. While walking alone one night, Minou is accosted by a weirdo who tells her Peter is, in fact, a murderer. She pays this insanity no mind, but soon the evidence appears to back up the stranger’s claims, and Minou finds herself tumbling into an ever deeper abyss of blackmail at the hands of the devious (and horny) creeper. Will Minou be able to regain a semblance of a normal life and escape this ordeal with her sanity intact or will she be destroyed by the blackmailer’s game? The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion appears to be a giallo, but honestly it isn’t; no black gloved killer appears…hell, no murder appears in the film at all…but what the film is is a mystery with giallo window dressing. Director Luciano Ercoli has infused the piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Waterworld (1995)

In the future (or like next Tuesday the way shit is going) the polar ice caps have melted flooding the planet. Folks now live on floating islands of scrap called atolls and hold a belief that a mythical “Dryland” must exist out there…somewhere. Enter The Mariner (Kevin Costner); a dirt trader (yeah…dirt is a commodity because…water reasons…) and gill havin’ mutant to the atoll. Very, very long story short; pirates lead by Deacon (Dennis Hopper) invade the atoll looking to kidnap a girl named Enola (Tina Majorino) who just so happens to have a map to Dryland tattooed on her back, and it’s up to Mariner to protect her while hopefully leading the remnants of humanity to Dryland. I’m not going to tell you that Waterworld is a perfect film; it’s bloated as all fuck, is obviously a vanity project for Costner, and is derivative of the Mad Max franchise to the point of distraction…it also isn’t the Kong-sized piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Doom Room (2019)

A nameless woman (Johanna Stanton) wakes up in a locked room in some place or another (she has no fuckin’ clue, and neither do we). I guess that’s cool…just chill the F out and get to really know yourself kind of ‘sitch…of course she has shit-all as far as memories are concerned…and she’s not really alone. You see these “beings” with catchy handles such as Husband (Matthew Tompkins), Wife (genre legend Debbie Rochon) and Innocence (Hayden Tweedie) keep appearing in the room to give our heroine static. Who or what are they? How did they get in there? Is our protagonist encountering demons or is she merely insane? Those questions will have to be answered with the fuckin’ quickness if our Jane Doe is going to make it through this ordeal! Comprised of a style that could best be described as arthouse with a sprinkle of grindhouse for flavor; Doom Room is one odd duck of a fright flick. The

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Terror Tales (2016)

A panty-sniffing psycho (played with a shit eating grin and endless panache by a terrific Christopher Showerman) kidnaps a family and forces the patriarch to listen to a trilogy of terror tales (hence that title this flick sports) or else he’ll release a deadly nerve gas that will force the man’s wife and daughter to twerk themselves to death…oh for the fucking love of fuck… Anyway, tale one, By Proxy, concerns a horror author/mother (Lynn Lowry of Shivers fame) who witnesses the suicide of her small child. After that a demon visits her to teach her the error of her life’s ways on Christmas like a distaff Ebeneezer Scrooge. Featuring a nice performance from Lowry, some real emotional content, and a fun demon design, this is a very strong way to start the collection of stories. Next up is Radical Video, an ’80’s set yarn featuring the horror hound pleasin’ misadventures of a serial killer armed with a sledgehammer puttin’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Loophole (2019)

Better buckle up for this one boils n’ ghouls ‘cuz ol’ XIII has just had a lousy time in front of the boob tube and he’s going to bring you along on his pain parade! Before I lose my shit; let me briefly tell you the plot to the upcoming film Loophole. Mankind has discovered the Hamanaro Strand, a piece of the genetic code that makes those that possess it violent criminals. This leads to mandatory testing for the gene, and the removal of those that have it from the society of decent folk…there’s also a conspiracy involving the UN and Satan. Okay, fair enough. Enter college student Lexi Smith (Chloe Lukasiak) and her friend Emma (Gabrielle Valladares). These young ladies are tested and found to have an unusual genetic profile that may link them to Judas Iscariot. They are then caught up in a war between an angel Riley (Deven Bromme) and Satan’s pal Asael (Mark Shrader)…they are also

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Harrowing (2017)

Detective Ryan Calhoun (Matthew Tompkins) is having a shit go of it as of late as he is plagued by the events surrounding the rather strange murder of his best friend…a murder that involves the local forensic hospital. Being a blithe spirit (read sad sack borderline psychotic), our here tap dances into danger’s gaping maw and sets about investigating that sinister structure to uncover the truth, but instead of your normal procedural, Ry-man is tossed six ways to Sunday! I gotta tell you creeps; Writer/Director Jon Keeyes kinda pulled the rug out from under ol’ XIII with The Harrowing…and that is a thing of wicked wonder indeed! With it’s deft blend of psychological thrills, and supernatural shocks, this film rises (severed) head and shoulders over the typical “spooky asylum fraught with jump scares” that pictures of this genre usually fall prey to…rather, things play out like a walking nightmare, and all sense of reality becomes nicely skewed. Along with that

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Date from Hell (2018)

You know how I do the ol’ “Once in a blue moon, a horror short comes along that really tickles the ol’ preternatural pickle…” routine, then I lay my award losing “This ain’t it” punchline in there to thunderous (or is that nonexistent…) applause? Well, this ain’t that! Date From Hell weaves a terror tale of two mismatched lovers; the meek Bobby (Samuel Brett Howard), and the manipulative Susie (Ava L’Amoreaux). these two get into a bit of a lovers spat before engaging in some rather strange date night rituals…but things are soon complicated by the arrival of a third wheel…and a potentially psychotic one at that. I can’t say more without givin’ away the entire thing…but let’s just say this fright flick goes in some deviously delightful and unexpected directions boys n’ ghouls! Written (along with Co-Writer/Producer Tracee Beebe) and Directed by Ven Scott (who in turn is the vocalist for metal band Runescarred…and you know how we love

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
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