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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Mrs. Claus (2018)

What can be better than a slasher flick that starts with a sorority pledge forced to lap up toilet water and humiliate herself with a pitch black marital aide before she finally snaps and chokes the head of the sorority with said dildo before slicing her up like a prize-winning ham then hanging herself? Honestly, not a hell of a lot I reckon… So after all of that craziness, Mrs. Claus starts in earnest when the sister of the now defunct sorority head, Amber by name, joins the same sorority as some sort of half-assed grief therapy. Well, before you can say ‘blood covered yule log’…wait, why would you ever even say that? Anyway…sorority bros and hoes start gettin’ offed right quick by a sinister slasher dressed as a nightmare version of Mrs. Clause and the body count climbs ever upward. Can ol’ Amber and her pals survive the slashin’s going on six ways to Sunday and figure out who

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 15, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: [Cargo] (2018)

Anthony Peterson (Ron Thompson) is in a bit of a fuckin’ pickle. See, ol’ Tony-baloney has got his ass kidnapped and locked inside a cargo container located in parts unknown, with only his cellphone to keep him company. Good thing he has that device, as soon he is contacted by his captors and ordered to come up with ten million dollars in twenty-four hours or those vile bastards will rape and murder his wife, live on the ol’ wicked web, as restitution for atrocities that Anthony allegedly committed in the name of business. Along with the stress of getting the cash, our hero’s oxygen is running low, and the entire container can be set to deliver electric shocks. Of course things grow ever more dire, and we get to see just what length’s Anthony will go to in order to secure his freedom and his wife’s safety. Writer/Director James Dylan has come up with one hell of an effective and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 15, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Unnamable (1988)

In the 18th century, ol’ Joshua Winthrop is having some troubles with his teenage daughter Alyda…who just so happens to be a blood crazed demonic monster afraid of thunder and lightning. (Fuckin’ kids, amirite?) Anyway, she performs the murder biz on the geezer. Flash forward to the eerie eighties and our boy Randolph Carter (Mark Kinsey Stephenson) and his chums are chit-chatting in a graveyard (as one does) and their pal Joel gets the brilliant idea to spend the night in the Winthrop house to see if any supernatural shenanigans ensue. Well Joel does just that, and he gets his ass eaten (not literally…I mean the monster gets him) unbeknownst to his pals. Soon it’s up to remaining members of the group to investigate the arcane abode, but not before some frat boys and their gal pals visit the house to increase the body count…or make out…whatever. Will any of our heroes survive the centuries long rage of Alyda and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 12, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Camp Death III in 2D (2018)

What is this? A parody of Friday the 13th Part III coming a scant 36 years after if it’s theatrical run? I think we both know I have to check this out…I mean it’s my job, so I kinda have to regardless, but you know what I mean…unless you don’t…fuck you, here’s a review of Camp Death III in 2D! Three years after the demise of masked madman Johann Van Damme (which involves a puppet to hilarious effect), Camp Crystal Meph is back in business as a rehabilitation center for psychos. Of course Johann doesn’t stay dead for long, and soon he’s stalking the camp grounds, murdering our card board cut-out characters with wild abandon (and the occasional candy bar). Writer/Director Matt Frame should be applauded for the glorious madness he has wrought with Camp Death III in 2D. This flick is wrong headed, intentionally cheap and oh-so very, very stupid, full of groans and guffaws in equal measure…yet still

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Ugly Sweater Party (2018)

Pals Jody (Hunter Johnson) and Cliff (Charles Chudabala) are wicked excited to attend a Christmas party at a secluded cabin thrown by some hot n’ horny twins. Finding out at the 11th hour that the affair is one of those ugly sweater get-togethers, our dashing duo buy a sweater from a homeless man…but there’ s a catch; a decade previous murderer and Satanist Declan Rains (Sean Whalen) was beaten to death by John Q. Law while wearing the garment and he has vowed to return from the grave one day. Making matters worse, the camp that the event is being held at turns out to be a Bible camp and those aforementioned twins are now devout holy rollers. To add to all of that, ol’ Cliff becomes possessed by that sinister sweater and goes on a murder spree! With a premise like the one described above you probably think Ugly Sweater Party is going to be one hell of an

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Prodigy (2018)

Erik (Cory Kays) is livin’ the sad-sack lifestyle thanks to the loss of his wife Emily (Adrianne White)…a lifestyle that leads to that ol’ classic; self medicatin’! Adding to the fun is his estranged son, who makes with the demands; like carting his ass to a undisclosed location (try slammin’ that one up in your GPS) to receive a message from upon high that can save humanity…so you know, absolutely no pressure there. Will our father/son duo be able to save the world and more importantly heal their fractured relationship? Look, I’m going to throw this out right up front…while Prodigy definitely has some thriller elements and that whole “end of the world” situation that has been featured in plenty of genre flicks; this film is two things above all…a family drama, and a “faith based film”, so this is definitely not anything that I would ever choose to watch on my own, but thems the brakes sometimes. That’s not

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Cam (2018)

Alice (Madeline Brewer) makes her livin’ showing the goods on her softcore live-streaming channel, but things are getting stale and numbers are dropping so she does what one does and pulls macabre stunts (such as everyone’s favorite hoary ol’ chestnut; a fake suicide) and goes further and further with her sexual content. This definitely gets more eyes on her site, but it also brings an ever increasing amount of creeper clientele. To make matter worse, Alice wakes up one morning to discover she is locked out of her channel, yet a doppelganger is carrying on with her show! Soon it’s a journey into an existence spiraling out of control, and Alice just may not have what it takes to make it out alive! Right of the bat, Cam tickles your eerie eyeballs with an over abundance of slick style. Everything is neon light, snappy editing, and thumping techno, which definitely creates a ambiance that screams of the lurid sex-on-digital world

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 10, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Lasso (2018)

A bunch of old farts and their caretakers embark on a senior citizen field trip to the ol’ row-die-oh. After much carnival game ass-foolery, and ridin’ and ropin’ the sun sets and the murder biz begins, as the psychotic cow pokes behind the show change gears from lassoing to lacerating. Now it’s up to our heroes to survive the night and get the hell of that revoltin’ ranch! Lasso takes a simple premise; folks have to survive a horror show rodeo, and boy-oh-boy does it play it for everything it is worth! The setting, used to perfection, provides us with a veritable shit ton of unique kills (branding rods, prods, horseshoes, the eponymous lasso) all delivered with spot on practical effects that will surely satisfy gore hounds. Along with that we are presented with an incredibly enjoyable cast on both sides of the fence with Lindsey Morgan and Andrew Jacobs as the fresh faced, likable leads whose characters are tasked

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 10, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Orgies of Edo (1969)

I know what you’re thinking…and yes, pretzel Combos do suck…oh, and this film is probably a porno, what with the word “orgies” front and center in the title; but believe me, when I detail the subject matter at hand you’ll be thankful it’s just one of your average, run of the mill, unbelievably sadistic flicks featuring a parade of violence towards women. Phew, dodged a bullet there, eh boils n’ ghouls? Anyway, Orgies of Edo is comprised of three tales, and we’ll be taking a brief look at each one. After whatever the unholy hell the opening of this film is (I can tell you it features some sort of human drag queen marionette and a woman with four titties), we begin our first story which details the heartwarming adventures of Oito (Masumi Tachibana); a naive woman who is sold into prostitution, suffers torture and humiliation, and enters into a love affair with the man responsible for her miserable lot

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 5, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Luciferina (2018)

Young novice nun Natalia (Sofia Del Tuffo) makes a journey back to her family home to visit her ailing father, the victim of a vicious attack by her seemingly possessed (now deceased) mother. Once there she finds her hot A.F. sister and her degenerate friends have taken up residence on the lower level of the house. Speaking of those friends, one of them looks like he’s the lead singer in a Harvey Danger cover-band…seriously, just look at this flagpole sitta… Anyway, while those reprobates are squatting on the lower level of the house, while Natalia’s father lie bandaged and in shock in a weird angled attic surrounded by nightmarish paintings. Soon Natalia accompanies her sister’s friends on a trek deep into the jungle to find a drug that supposedly cures the soul, but in turn releases the darkness within causing Natalia to face the duality of her family’s past as well as her very existence…a virginal holy woman, and a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 4, 2018

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Mrs. Claus (2018)

What can be better than a slasher flick that starts with a sorority pledge forced to lap up toilet water and humiliate herself with a pitch black marital aide before she finally snaps and chokes the head of the sorority with said dildo before slicing her up like a prize-winning ham then hanging herself? Honestly, not a hell of a lot I reckon… So after all of that craziness, Mrs. Claus starts in earnest when the sister of the now defunct sorority head, Amber by name, joins the same sorority as some sort of half-assed grief therapy. Well, before you can say ‘blood covered yule log’…wait, why would you ever even say that? Anyway…sorority bros and hoes start gettin’ offed right quick by a sinister slasher dressed as a nightmare version of Mrs. Clause and the body count climbs ever upward. Can ol’ Amber and her pals survive the slashin’s going on six ways to Sunday and figure out who

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 15, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: [Cargo] (2018)

Anthony Peterson (Ron Thompson) is in a bit of a fuckin’ pickle. See, ol’ Tony-baloney has got his ass kidnapped and locked inside a cargo container located in parts unknown, with only his cellphone to keep him company. Good thing he has that device, as soon he is contacted by his captors and ordered to come up with ten million dollars in twenty-four hours or those vile bastards will rape and murder his wife, live on the ol’ wicked web, as restitution for atrocities that Anthony allegedly committed in the name of business. Along with the stress of getting the cash, our hero’s oxygen is running low, and the entire container can be set to deliver electric shocks. Of course things grow ever more dire, and we get to see just what length’s Anthony will go to in order to secure his freedom and his wife’s safety. Writer/Director James Dylan has come up with one hell of an effective and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 15, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Unnamable (1988)

In the 18th century, ol’ Joshua Winthrop is having some troubles with his teenage daughter Alyda…who just so happens to be a blood crazed demonic monster afraid of thunder and lightning. (Fuckin’ kids, amirite?) Anyway, she performs the murder biz on the geezer. Flash forward to the eerie eighties and our boy Randolph Carter (Mark Kinsey Stephenson) and his chums are chit-chatting in a graveyard (as one does) and their pal Joel gets the brilliant idea to spend the night in the Winthrop house to see if any supernatural shenanigans ensue. Well Joel does just that, and he gets his ass eaten (not literally…I mean the monster gets him) unbeknownst to his pals. Soon it’s up to remaining members of the group to investigate the arcane abode, but not before some frat boys and their gal pals visit the house to increase the body count…or make out…whatever. Will any of our heroes survive the centuries long rage of Alyda and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 12, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Camp Death III in 2D (2018)

What is this? A parody of Friday the 13th Part III coming a scant 36 years after if it’s theatrical run? I think we both know I have to check this out…I mean it’s my job, so I kinda have to regardless, but you know what I mean…unless you don’t…fuck you, here’s a review of Camp Death III in 2D! Three years after the demise of masked madman Johann Van Damme (which involves a puppet to hilarious effect), Camp Crystal Meph is back in business as a rehabilitation center for psychos. Of course Johann doesn’t stay dead for long, and soon he’s stalking the camp grounds, murdering our card board cut-out characters with wild abandon (and the occasional candy bar). Writer/Director Matt Frame should be applauded for the glorious madness he has wrought with Camp Death III in 2D. This flick is wrong headed, intentionally cheap and oh-so very, very stupid, full of groans and guffaws in equal measure…yet still

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Ugly Sweater Party (2018)

Pals Jody (Hunter Johnson) and Cliff (Charles Chudabala) are wicked excited to attend a Christmas party at a secluded cabin thrown by some hot n’ horny twins. Finding out at the 11th hour that the affair is one of those ugly sweater get-togethers, our dashing duo buy a sweater from a homeless man…but there’ s a catch; a decade previous murderer and Satanist Declan Rains (Sean Whalen) was beaten to death by John Q. Law while wearing the garment and he has vowed to return from the grave one day. Making matters worse, the camp that the event is being held at turns out to be a Bible camp and those aforementioned twins are now devout holy rollers. To add to all of that, ol’ Cliff becomes possessed by that sinister sweater and goes on a murder spree! With a premise like the one described above you probably think Ugly Sweater Party is going to be one hell of an

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Prodigy (2018)

Erik (Cory Kays) is livin’ the sad-sack lifestyle thanks to the loss of his wife Emily (Adrianne White)…a lifestyle that leads to that ol’ classic; self medicatin’! Adding to the fun is his estranged son, who makes with the demands; like carting his ass to a undisclosed location (try slammin’ that one up in your GPS) to receive a message from upon high that can save humanity…so you know, absolutely no pressure there. Will our father/son duo be able to save the world and more importantly heal their fractured relationship? Look, I’m going to throw this out right up front…while Prodigy definitely has some thriller elements and that whole “end of the world” situation that has been featured in plenty of genre flicks; this film is two things above all…a family drama, and a “faith based film”, so this is definitely not anything that I would ever choose to watch on my own, but thems the brakes sometimes. That’s not

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 11, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Cam (2018)

Alice (Madeline Brewer) makes her livin’ showing the goods on her softcore live-streaming channel, but things are getting stale and numbers are dropping so she does what one does and pulls macabre stunts (such as everyone’s favorite hoary ol’ chestnut; a fake suicide) and goes further and further with her sexual content. This definitely gets more eyes on her site, but it also brings an ever increasing amount of creeper clientele. To make matter worse, Alice wakes up one morning to discover she is locked out of her channel, yet a doppelganger is carrying on with her show! Soon it’s a journey into an existence spiraling out of control, and Alice just may not have what it takes to make it out alive! Right of the bat, Cam tickles your eerie eyeballs with an over abundance of slick style. Everything is neon light, snappy editing, and thumping techno, which definitely creates a ambiance that screams of the lurid sex-on-digital world

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 10, 2018
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Lasso (2018)

A bunch of old farts and their caretakers embark on a senior citizen field trip to the ol’ row-die-oh. After much carnival game ass-foolery, and ridin’ and ropin’ the sun sets and the murder biz begins, as the psychotic cow pokes behind the show change gears from lassoing to lacerating. Now it’s up to our heroes to survive the night and get the hell of that revoltin’ ranch! Lasso takes a simple premise; folks have to survive a horror show rodeo, and boy-oh-boy does it play it for everything it is worth! The setting, used to perfection, provides us with a veritable shit ton of unique kills (branding rods, prods, horseshoes, the eponymous lasso) all delivered with spot on practical effects that will surely satisfy gore hounds. Along with that we are presented with an incredibly enjoyable cast on both sides of the fence with Lindsey Morgan and Andrew Jacobs as the fresh faced, likable leads whose characters are tasked

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 10, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Orgies of Edo (1969)

I know what you’re thinking…and yes, pretzel Combos do suck…oh, and this film is probably a porno, what with the word “orgies” front and center in the title; but believe me, when I detail the subject matter at hand you’ll be thankful it’s just one of your average, run of the mill, unbelievably sadistic flicks featuring a parade of violence towards women. Phew, dodged a bullet there, eh boils n’ ghouls? Anyway, Orgies of Edo is comprised of three tales, and we’ll be taking a brief look at each one. After whatever the unholy hell the opening of this film is (I can tell you it features some sort of human drag queen marionette and a woman with four titties), we begin our first story which details the heartwarming adventures of Oito (Masumi Tachibana); a naive woman who is sold into prostitution, suffers torture and humiliation, and enters into a love affair with the man responsible for her miserable lot

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 5, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Luciferina (2018)

Young novice nun Natalia (Sofia Del Tuffo) makes a journey back to her family home to visit her ailing father, the victim of a vicious attack by her seemingly possessed (now deceased) mother. Once there she finds her hot A.F. sister and her degenerate friends have taken up residence on the lower level of the house. Speaking of those friends, one of them looks like he’s the lead singer in a Harvey Danger cover-band…seriously, just look at this flagpole sitta… Anyway, while those reprobates are squatting on the lower level of the house, while Natalia’s father lie bandaged and in shock in a weird angled attic surrounded by nightmarish paintings. Soon Natalia accompanies her sister’s friends on a trek deep into the jungle to find a drug that supposedly cures the soul, but in turn releases the darkness within causing Natalia to face the duality of her family’s past as well as her very existence…a virginal holy woman, and a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 4, 2018
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