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DanXIII

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Blu-ray Review: Bones (2001)

Jimmy Bones(Snoop Dogg) was one bad-ass mother fucker in the ’70s; a true gangster’s gangster that ultimately was betrayed by a friend and met his demise in a deal gone south. Flash forward to the ‘mazing future year 2001, and Bones’ ol’ crib is purchased by a group of young entrepreneurs who hope to turn it into a nightclub. This causes the spirit of Bones to rise, and he immediately sets his sights on getting powerful enough to enact his supernatural revenge plot on those that did his ass oh-so wrong back in the disco days… and woe be to any mother fucker that gets in his way! I’m not here to mince words with you cats n’ creeps, so let me just say that Bones is a huge amount of frightful fun! It’s deft blend of blaxploitation and horror movie tropes is an entertaining winner, and while some of the effects are quite shit (I’m looking at you cheap-ass

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DanXIII

Mar 19, 2020

MoviesReviewsStreaming TV

Blu-ray Review: Munster, Go Home! (1966)

If you are of a certain age (read: old as all fuckity-fuck), then you doubtless grew-up with the fabulous freaky Munster family courtesy of mid-morning re-runs on TV. As a kid I loved every hauntingly hilarious minute of their sensational show… but said show wasn’t enough to contain the ghoulish goings-on, so in 1966 a fearsome feature film was created… and this time the Munsters came at ya in creepy color for the first time! Munster, Go Home! (the film in question, ‘natch) sees the family’s patriarch, the Frankenstein monster surrogate Herman (Fred Gwynne), inheriting an ancestral family home down jolly ol’ England way! So the whole grizzly gang: the aforementioned Herman, his vamp wife Lily (Yvonne De Carlo), her father/Dracula stand-in Grandpa (Al Lewis), and his werewolf son Eddie (Butch Patrick)… along with their perefctly normal niece (who’s appearance is monstrous to them) hope on a boat and set sail across the putrid pond! But things aren’t going to

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DanXIII

Mar 19, 2020

IndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: Hunter’s Moon (2020)

Three teenage girls are left alone in their parent’s new rural home, a mansion once owned by a serial killer, for the night after said parents leave town. Naturally these comely gals commence to throwin’ a shindig with some local yokel bad boys… but these dudes have some other intentions than merely partying down… sinister intentions. Anyway, push comes to shove, and folks start turning up missing, because as fate and horror movie tropes would have it; a werewolf stalks the orchard… and juvenile delinquents, their victims… even the town sheriff may not have the stones to survive the night! Hunter’s Moon is one odd-ass flick boils n’ ghouls. It starts of as a home invasion flick, dove-tails into a creature feature… and then drops some eleventh hour surprises in that make this a fun lil’ trip into the hairier side of the ol’ horror biz! While all of the cast is excellent (and with some genre legends such as

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DanXIII

Mar 14, 2020

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Astrologer (1977)

After a nutty exposition dump set to stock footage where we learn The Astrologer, Alexi (Bob Byrd), a mystic who uses astrology and computers to predict the future and advise world leaders from his swanky headquarters along with the top-secret branch of the CIA; Interzod. So what exciting case is Alexi involved in at the present? Well, it seems in ten days time, the second coming of Christ is going down, so there’s that to contend with, plus Alexi’s girlfriend (maybe it’s his wife… I have no idea, and perhaps the film doesn’t either) Kate (Monica Tidwell) goes to see a psychic that gives her a reading (seems fucking redundant as all fuckity fuck seeing as who her boyfriend is and all)… after Kate gets nude first; as is the fortune telling way we are all accustomed to, amirite? Soon ol’ Alexi hops a wall-to-wall carpeted airplane to give a talk somewhere or another, while in stock-footage laden India, a

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DanXIII

Mar 14, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Abigail (2019)

Abigail (Tinatin Dalakishvili) has grown up in a city surrounded by a thick border constructed to keep a mysterious illness at bay… an illness so severe that if you show any signs of having it the government just hauls your ass away (as they did with Abigail’s own father). The problem with this is, the disease doesn’t exist. In fact, Abigail’s city has been overtaken by dark magic users who have attempted to erase all knowledge of magic in a city once full of it, and dig this; the people hauled away are those suspected of being able to possess magic ability. This of course sets Abigail off on a journey to find her father while learning to control her own burgeoning magical abilities while becoming a hero to the downtrodden… all in a days work for our scrappy heroine! The first thing you will doubtless notice about Abigail is that this film is absolutely a visual wonder. Every detail

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DanXIII

Mar 14, 2020

MoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: The Passion of Darkly Noon (1995)

A down-home gal who goes by Callie (Ashley Judd) takes in a confused, injured young dude with the unlikely name of Darkly Noon (Brendan Fraser). Well, seems our boy Darkly used to be a member of one of those batshit religious cults that the feds went Waco on. Anyway, Callie’s mute boyfriend Clay (Viggo Mortensen) comes into the scene and things begin to sour… and that trend only continues as Darkly meets Clay’s mama Roxy (Grace Zabriskie) who tells him his new “friends” aren’t who they appear to be… it involves witches and bullshit that she weaves together into a big ol’ lie tapestry for our rattled protagonist. What will obtaining this info hold for Darkly? I’ll sum it up for you; he goes completely off the deepest of deep fuckin’ ends. Existing in a bizarre world just a step left of our own, The Passion of Darkly Noon is a hell of a fever-dream thriller! Characters are either completely

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DanXIII

Mar 14, 2020

ForeignMoviesParanormalReviews

DVD Review: Ghost Killers vs Bloody Mary (2018)

The local school principal is eager to end the rumors that accidents that have befallen the student body as of late are the result of supernatural static comin’ straight from everybody’s fav monstrous mirror maiden; Bloody Mary! To that end he hires The Ghoulbusters (yes, they are called out on the name and their eerily similar logo); a squad of local ghost hunters (who fake all of their encounters ‘natch) hoping to score a shit-hot TV deal… and let’s not beat around the bush; these folks are pretty inept… some downright stupid in fact. Anyway, our faux-heroes totally release that dread dame from her looking-glass prison and soon she engages in a bloodbath the ‘busters’ are ill-equipped to handle! Will they survive the night and end Mary’s revoltin’ reign or will they end up the next pile of gory goo splattered all over the halls of that insane institution?!! Ghost Killers vs Bloody Mary is one hell of a great

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DanXIII

Mar 13, 2020

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Deadly Manor (1990)

A group of friends are ramblin’ down the road down upstate New York way pick up a hitchhiker cum Lorenzo Lamas circa Renegade mother fucker named Jack, who in truth is an escaped convict. Anyway, this gang of goofs end up making a pit stop at a dilapidated mansion (which comes complete with it’s own sacrificial alter for cars and countless photos of a beautiful nude woman… as is so often the case). Anyway, after some debate, our heroes head inside and spend a restful night, then continue on to their destination where fun is had. Of course, the fucking with you has been well and truly had. In truth, these folks get offed one by one (hell, one lady doesn’t even make it through the front door) and someone or thing won’t rest until every living sole in that damned domicile are dead as doornails! Comprised of a more likable cast of characters than most stalk n’ slay affairs

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DanXIII

Mar 12, 2020

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Alien Outbreak (2020)

Police Sergeant Zoe Norris (Katherine Drake) is having a rather shit day on the job what with the lunatics, suicides, and alien invasions. This is why I don’t do Mondays, amirite fam? Any fuckin’ how, those pesky aliens and their robot pals are turning the town into a petri dish to test out some wacky-ass space virus that makes anyone infected go bathsit and off themselves right quick! soon Norris and a rag-tag group of survivors hole up in the ol’ police station and attempt to make it through the outre ordeal, but of course that will prove mega difficult… so all hail our new alien overlords I guess?!! Let’s not buck our terror tradition, and start out with what works well with Alien Outbreak… and let me lay a spoiler on ya; this flick does plenty right in-fucking-deed! Let’s start with the nuts n’ bolts; this is a well acted, well shot flick with plenty of mounting tension and

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DanXIII

Mar 11, 2020

MoviesReviews

DVD Review: Little Joe (2019)

Alice (Emily Beecham) toils away breeding plants packed full of good ol’ genetic engineering that her company hopes to sell for a tidy profit along with her co-worker Chris (Ben Wishlaw). One of their major finds is a plant that releases a scent that stimulates happiness in people’s brains. I’m sure nothing wrong will happen involving that experiment… Something goes wrong with that experiment, and soon the plant, dubbed ‘Little Joe’, subtly changes everyone that breathes it’s pollen so that they are happy as clams as intended, but they give zero shits about the outside world and anyone not under Joe’s sway. Will anyone escape the assimilation to happy town, or will the world become strung out on that sweet, sweet Joe? Little Joe is one odd lil’ flick boils n’ ghouls! For starters this is a rather low key, detached affair, a style choice that accentuates the fact that the only way the world can be happy is through

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DanXIII

Mar 9, 2020

DanXIII

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