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DanXIII

1,295 stories
Horror Fuel

Book Review: Doomed Moviethon (2019)

In what has to be the meta event of the fuckin’ century, yours cruelly is going to set his wicked words upon reviewing a book of… well, movie reviews… basically… Look, long story short; film critic, musician, author, and all around top geezer Richard Glenn Schmidt has this wild hair up his ass where he gathers his wife and pals together, plops them down, and explodes their eerie eyeballs with some of the best trash and sleaze our beloved horror biz (and our cherished sister, the exploitation biz) has to offer in long format marathon viewings titled “Doomed Moviethons”. Sounds like heaven to this right bastard, but as always, other’s mileage may vary… and Richie Rich sets about documenting the events for posterity, and this beastly book is the result of those efforts! For over two hundred and fifty plus pages we get to vicariously sit in on these viscous viewings, and are treated to brutally honest, near stream of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Jake Speed (1986)

Margaret (Karen Kopins) is feelin’ the ol’ pangs of guilt as she convinced her younger sister Maureen (Becca C. Ashley) to see the world… which resulted in her being abducted while in Paris by a white slavery ring. While some of the family makes Margie feel like a ten pound lump of shit in a two pound sack about the whole affair, her grandfather (Leon Ames) has an idea surely brought upon by a raging case of Alzheimer’s: get Jake Speed (Wayne Crawford) on the case right quick… which would be a great plan if Jake existed in the real world instead of in the pulp-adventure novels that bear his name. Well guess what? Fuckin’ Jake Speed does exist, and before you can say Remo Williams, our heroine meets the main man in a Paris bar along with Speed’s guy Friday Desmond Floyd (Dennis Christopher)… where Margaret learns the novels are based on their lives… and cases like her’s make

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 4, 2019
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Plaguers (2008)

The star-ship Pandora is hauling ass back to earth with an alien energy orb called Thanatos in tow. As fate would have it, their journey is interrupted by a distress signal from a craft that has been ransacked by space pirates (who enter the Pandora posing as the miniskirt and platform boots clad survivors themselves). The ruse doesn’t last long, and when push comes to shove Thanatos’ orb is cracked, and people start turning into zombie-like mutants. Before long the survivors are up to their asses in monsters and mayhem as they try and escape the interstellar hell in which they’ve found themselves! Plaguers is one hell of an independent gem, let me tell ya! Why does this flick succeed, well the reasons are numerous. For one, the cast is strong, with genre stalwart Steve Railsback (Lifeforce) turning in a solid (if derivative by necessity… more on that in a bit) performance, and Alexis Zibolis is strong as well as

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Necropolis: Legion (2019)

In the mid-eighties Charles Band’s legendary Empire Pictures released a lil’ ditty on us horror hounds called Necropolis. The fright flick layed down the tale of a 17th century Satanic witch named Eva (LeeAnne Baker) who had a life line a mile-fuckin’-long as she is reborn as a “modern day” cycle-slut punk rock wonder who drained victims of their life force and quested for a Thing ring that would let her do her thing! Flash forward to today, and Band’s Full Moon Pictures is releasing a re-imagining of the flick courtesy of co-writer (along with Brockton McKinney)/director Chris Alexander. Let’s begin our review 0f Necropolis: Legion, shall we boils n’ ghouls? In the 17th century, evil vampire witch Eva (Ali Chappell) spends her nights using her breast mouths to suck the essence of comely sacrificial victims, as we all have at one time or another. This bit of tomfoolery cheeses of her hubby, Maynard Gandy (Joseph Lopez who is a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 29, 2019
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Pickaxe (2019)

As you cats n’ creeps well know; I love me some sex and violence… and since Pickaxe throws that at us in the first couple of minutes it has yours cruelly’s attention from the get-go! Anyway, it’s the late ’80s, and Adrienne (legendary scream queen Tiffany Shepis) has just been set-free from the loony bin; where she found herself after seeing her friends murdered by Satanic sicko Alex Black… whom she ultimately defeated with the help of Deputy Mathews (Phantasm‘s A. Michael Baldwin). Anyhow, she’s now a drunk, he’s now a Sheriff looking for a missing couple, and soon the woods are filled with more victi… err, I mean teenagers like Jamie (Elizabeth Redpath), Heather (Ashley-Marie Zgabay), and various dopey dudes, a stoner, a nerd, and a slut… all on their way to a rock concert in then middle of nowhere, where they are menaced by the resurrected form of ol’ Arcane Alex. Boobs and blood are splashed across the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 28, 2019
Horror Fuel

Visual Artist Ama Lea Plans on Raising Some Hell with The Invocation of Lilith!

L.A. based visual artist Ama Lea is preparing to shoot an experimental short film that is right up my (and most likely your) arcane alley titled The Invocation of Lilith! Here’s the lowdown on the project straight from the sinister source: The Invocation of Lilith is a psychedelic experimental short film inspired by Andy Warhol, Kenneth Anger, and Alejandro Jodorowsky. It is about transcendence, summoning and claiming of feminine power and exploring themes of occultism, lunar magik, sisterhood, and equality. It is about the reclaiming of Lilith, who is often portrayed as a demon for simply wanting equality. She will be our heroine and savior guiding the hand of our female cast in finding and owning their power and letting go of the pain and resentments of patriarchal restraint to find love and light and forgiveness within the universe. Though I am inspired by these filmmakers above, this will be something that is entirely my own and my own vision.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 25, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: EEGAH (1962)

All “teenager” Roxy Miller (Marilyn Manning who appears to be pushing thirty) wanted was to get her ass to a local shindig… too bad she almost hits Eegah (Richard Kiel, best known as Jaws from the James Bond series), a gigantic mother fuckin’ caveman, with her car… which is more common than one would assume. I mean, I would think the number of colossal caveman related auto accidents would hover around a solid zero, yet here we are… Foxy Roxy informs her boyfriend, pompadour maestro/dune buggy enthusiast Tom Nelson (Arch Hall Jr., who soon performs his number one shit single Vicki) and her pulp-author pappy Robert Miller (Arch Hall Sr., who also directed and came up with the story for this here terror tale) about ol’ Captain Caveman, which spurns Bob to go looking for that sumbitch in his whirly-bird… but he never returns from the trip. Tom shows concern the only way he can; by warbblin’ another standard substandard

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 25, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Anyone Home? (2018)

Camila (Monique Gabriela Curnen) is a single parent to Jamie (Luke Ganalon), and she’s in one hell of a bad way… the pair have lived in a motel, and Camila has some mental health baggage that’s for sure. Everything begins coming up Cammy though, and she lands a gig as a live-in housekeeper for a swank-ass model home (surrounded by desert) that must be kept clean and decorated at all times so prospective buyers can be enticed to separate themselves from their dough and move into the as-yet unpopulated development. Speaking of “decorating” and “unpopulated”; the isolation and pressure to keep the place lookin’ fancy begin playing on her already wonky brain, and before long Big C begins going shit-house! Full of surreal fever-dream images, black humor, and slick as balls cinematography, Anyone Home? has a lot going for it. It definitely has that Shining vibe to it with the secluded locale, deranged nature of it’s main character, and a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 24, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)

Gwendoline (Tawny Kitaen) ships herself to China in a wooden box, and is immediately kidnapped upon her arrival to the Far East. Thankfully for her, rough and tumble sailin’ man Willard (Brent Huff) comes to her rescue and takes up the task of helping our heroine locate the butterfly her butterfly (that’s a lot of “butterfly” in one sentence… oh, shit… ) collector father went missing in the mythic land of the Yik Yak trying to find… for a fee of course. Along the way our erstwhile heroes must contend with river pirates, cannibals, poisonous clouds, and a tribe of Amazons that live in a hi-tech mine deep below the Earth… a serious ordeal all for a simple butterfly! Want to know something that exemplifies the surreal nature of The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak? The film has an easy-listenin’ synth score (totally inappropriate given it’s early 1930’s setting) that plays no matter the sitch…

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 23, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Boys Next Door (1985)

Psychopath-in-training Roy (Maxwell Caulfield) and his naive buddy Bo (Charlie Sheen) are recently graduated high school outcasts (they were the white trash in an institution populated by the rich). Not really keen on becoming factory workers just yet, the boys take an impromptu vacay down L.A. way. So what do two young boys do for fun? Why cause grave bodily harm to a gas station attendant, old lady, and some bodacious babes in barely there bikinis of course, as one does. But all of that is just the precursor to a night of extreme violence and dark, dark times. Hilarity does not fuckin’ ensue. Holy hell, how have I never slapped my putrid peepers on this flick before?!! Full of nihilism, violence, and explosive teenage rage The Boys Next Door is a downright mother fuckin’ masterpiece! Why does it work so well? Let me tell ya… seriously, I kinda have to, it’s my job here… anyway, let me tell ya,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 23, 2019

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Book Review: Doomed Moviethon (2019)

In what has to be the meta event of the fuckin’ century, yours cruelly is going to set his wicked words upon reviewing a book of… well, movie reviews… basically… Look, long story short; film critic, musician, author, and all around top geezer Richard Glenn Schmidt has this wild hair up his ass where he gathers his wife and pals together, plops them down, and explodes their eerie eyeballs with some of the best trash and sleaze our beloved horror biz (and our cherished sister, the exploitation biz) has to offer in long format marathon viewings titled “Doomed Moviethons”. Sounds like heaven to this right bastard, but as always, other’s mileage may vary… and Richie Rich sets about documenting the events for posterity, and this beastly book is the result of those efforts! For over two hundred and fifty plus pages we get to vicariously sit in on these viscous viewings, and are treated to brutally honest, near stream of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Jake Speed (1986)

Margaret (Karen Kopins) is feelin’ the ol’ pangs of guilt as she convinced her younger sister Maureen (Becca C. Ashley) to see the world… which resulted in her being abducted while in Paris by a white slavery ring. While some of the family makes Margie feel like a ten pound lump of shit in a two pound sack about the whole affair, her grandfather (Leon Ames) has an idea surely brought upon by a raging case of Alzheimer’s: get Jake Speed (Wayne Crawford) on the case right quick… which would be a great plan if Jake existed in the real world instead of in the pulp-adventure novels that bear his name. Well guess what? Fuckin’ Jake Speed does exist, and before you can say Remo Williams, our heroine meets the main man in a Paris bar along with Speed’s guy Friday Desmond Floyd (Dennis Christopher)… where Margaret learns the novels are based on their lives… and cases like her’s make

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 4, 2019
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Plaguers (2008)

The star-ship Pandora is hauling ass back to earth with an alien energy orb called Thanatos in tow. As fate would have it, their journey is interrupted by a distress signal from a craft that has been ransacked by space pirates (who enter the Pandora posing as the miniskirt and platform boots clad survivors themselves). The ruse doesn’t last long, and when push comes to shove Thanatos’ orb is cracked, and people start turning into zombie-like mutants. Before long the survivors are up to their asses in monsters and mayhem as they try and escape the interstellar hell in which they’ve found themselves! Plaguers is one hell of an independent gem, let me tell ya! Why does this flick succeed, well the reasons are numerous. For one, the cast is strong, with genre stalwart Steve Railsback (Lifeforce) turning in a solid (if derivative by necessity… more on that in a bit) performance, and Alexis Zibolis is strong as well as

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Necropolis: Legion (2019)

In the mid-eighties Charles Band’s legendary Empire Pictures released a lil’ ditty on us horror hounds called Necropolis. The fright flick layed down the tale of a 17th century Satanic witch named Eva (LeeAnne Baker) who had a life line a mile-fuckin’-long as she is reborn as a “modern day” cycle-slut punk rock wonder who drained victims of their life force and quested for a Thing ring that would let her do her thing! Flash forward to today, and Band’s Full Moon Pictures is releasing a re-imagining of the flick courtesy of co-writer (along with Brockton McKinney)/director Chris Alexander. Let’s begin our review 0f Necropolis: Legion, shall we boils n’ ghouls? In the 17th century, evil vampire witch Eva (Ali Chappell) spends her nights using her breast mouths to suck the essence of comely sacrificial victims, as we all have at one time or another. This bit of tomfoolery cheeses of her hubby, Maynard Gandy (Joseph Lopez who is a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 29, 2019
Horror Fuel

DVD Review: Pickaxe (2019)

As you cats n’ creeps well know; I love me some sex and violence… and since Pickaxe throws that at us in the first couple of minutes it has yours cruelly’s attention from the get-go! Anyway, it’s the late ’80s, and Adrienne (legendary scream queen Tiffany Shepis) has just been set-free from the loony bin; where she found herself after seeing her friends murdered by Satanic sicko Alex Black… whom she ultimately defeated with the help of Deputy Mathews (Phantasm‘s A. Michael Baldwin). Anyhow, she’s now a drunk, he’s now a Sheriff looking for a missing couple, and soon the woods are filled with more victi… err, I mean teenagers like Jamie (Elizabeth Redpath), Heather (Ashley-Marie Zgabay), and various dopey dudes, a stoner, a nerd, and a slut… all on their way to a rock concert in then middle of nowhere, where they are menaced by the resurrected form of ol’ Arcane Alex. Boobs and blood are splashed across the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 28, 2019
Horror Fuel

Visual Artist Ama Lea Plans on Raising Some Hell with The Invocation of Lilith!

L.A. based visual artist Ama Lea is preparing to shoot an experimental short film that is right up my (and most likely your) arcane alley titled The Invocation of Lilith! Here’s the lowdown on the project straight from the sinister source: The Invocation of Lilith is a psychedelic experimental short film inspired by Andy Warhol, Kenneth Anger, and Alejandro Jodorowsky. It is about transcendence, summoning and claiming of feminine power and exploring themes of occultism, lunar magik, sisterhood, and equality. It is about the reclaiming of Lilith, who is often portrayed as a demon for simply wanting equality. She will be our heroine and savior guiding the hand of our female cast in finding and owning their power and letting go of the pain and resentments of patriarchal restraint to find love and light and forgiveness within the universe. Though I am inspired by these filmmakers above, this will be something that is entirely my own and my own vision.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 25, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: EEGAH (1962)

All “teenager” Roxy Miller (Marilyn Manning who appears to be pushing thirty) wanted was to get her ass to a local shindig… too bad she almost hits Eegah (Richard Kiel, best known as Jaws from the James Bond series), a gigantic mother fuckin’ caveman, with her car… which is more common than one would assume. I mean, I would think the number of colossal caveman related auto accidents would hover around a solid zero, yet here we are… Foxy Roxy informs her boyfriend, pompadour maestro/dune buggy enthusiast Tom Nelson (Arch Hall Jr., who soon performs his number one shit single Vicki) and her pulp-author pappy Robert Miller (Arch Hall Sr., who also directed and came up with the story for this here terror tale) about ol’ Captain Caveman, which spurns Bob to go looking for that sumbitch in his whirly-bird… but he never returns from the trip. Tom shows concern the only way he can; by warbblin’ another standard substandard

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 25, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Anyone Home? (2018)

Camila (Monique Gabriela Curnen) is a single parent to Jamie (Luke Ganalon), and she’s in one hell of a bad way… the pair have lived in a motel, and Camila has some mental health baggage that’s for sure. Everything begins coming up Cammy though, and she lands a gig as a live-in housekeeper for a swank-ass model home (surrounded by desert) that must be kept clean and decorated at all times so prospective buyers can be enticed to separate themselves from their dough and move into the as-yet unpopulated development. Speaking of “decorating” and “unpopulated”; the isolation and pressure to keep the place lookin’ fancy begin playing on her already wonky brain, and before long Big C begins going shit-house! Full of surreal fever-dream images, black humor, and slick as balls cinematography, Anyone Home? has a lot going for it. It definitely has that Shining vibe to it with the secluded locale, deranged nature of it’s main character, and a

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 24, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)

Gwendoline (Tawny Kitaen) ships herself to China in a wooden box, and is immediately kidnapped upon her arrival to the Far East. Thankfully for her, rough and tumble sailin’ man Willard (Brent Huff) comes to her rescue and takes up the task of helping our heroine locate the butterfly her butterfly (that’s a lot of “butterfly” in one sentence… oh, shit… ) collector father went missing in the mythic land of the Yik Yak trying to find… for a fee of course. Along the way our erstwhile heroes must contend with river pirates, cannibals, poisonous clouds, and a tribe of Amazons that live in a hi-tech mine deep below the Earth… a serious ordeal all for a simple butterfly! Want to know something that exemplifies the surreal nature of The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak? The film has an easy-listenin’ synth score (totally inappropriate given it’s early 1930’s setting) that plays no matter the sitch…

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 23, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Boys Next Door (1985)

Psychopath-in-training Roy (Maxwell Caulfield) and his naive buddy Bo (Charlie Sheen) are recently graduated high school outcasts (they were the white trash in an institution populated by the rich). Not really keen on becoming factory workers just yet, the boys take an impromptu vacay down L.A. way. So what do two young boys do for fun? Why cause grave bodily harm to a gas station attendant, old lady, and some bodacious babes in barely there bikinis of course, as one does. But all of that is just the precursor to a night of extreme violence and dark, dark times. Hilarity does not fuckin’ ensue. Holy hell, how have I never slapped my putrid peepers on this flick before?!! Full of nihilism, violence, and explosive teenage rage The Boys Next Door is a downright mother fuckin’ masterpiece! Why does it work so well? Let me tell ya… seriously, I kinda have to, it’s my job here… anyway, let me tell ya,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 23, 2019
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