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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman Geed (2017)

Mill Creek Entertainment have gone done and released a dynamic duo of newer Ultra series… Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman GEED (2017) respectively, and I marathoned the ever-loving shit out of them! So hunker down and read my wicked words about ’em! Created to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the ultra-franchise, ol’ Ultraman Orb follows the adventures of a new Ultraman (Orb ‘natch) who arrives on the scene all fired up to kick some monster ass, and boy will he ever get the chance as a cadre of killer kaiju known as King Demon Beasts have been set free after cooling their jets for centuries thanks to the Ultra Warriors locking their asses away and throwing away the key. Now Orb has a trick or two up his sleeve, mainly the fact he can call upon and utilize the powers of past Ultra Warriors and utilize them to inflict all manner of grave bodily harm to each and every monster

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Fly Collection (1958 – 1989)

Those magnificent bastards at Scream Factory have gone and done it; they’ve shoved every damn Fly flick into a boxed set, packed them with features, and set them loose to be lapped up by horror hounds everywhere… and I’m going to put a revoltin’ review on the whole shebang! Let’s kick things off with 1958’s The Fly… because that’s the first film in the series, and it would be stupid to do anything else… Andre Delambre (David Hedison) is flat as a pancake after being crushed to shit and back in a mechanical press, and his wife Helene (Patricia Owens) is the one responsible… but like an attention whore’s Facebook relationship status, it’s complicated. Fortunately we learn just how complicated as she recounts the strange events leading to Andre’s trip to the permanent press cycle to his brother Francois (Vincent Price, the one and only baby… ) and Police Inspector Charas (Herbert Marshall). You see ol’ Andy had been balls

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Famine (2011)

Sloppy Secondary high school is staging a 24 hour famine for charity… which is odd since the populace of the putrid place is weird as all fuck; you get sexy teachers, a principal that is definitely a Nazi, and a student body made up of sluts, delinquents, and other assorted odd balls… the place is like a finishing school for future Tromaville residents. Anyway, this isn’t the first time such an event has taken place… but it should have ended there as it turned to shit right quick, and it looks like the latest and greatest version is going to be a complete bloodbath as a crazed serial killer known as the Nailer (dressed as an adorable mascot character) stalks the halls of S.S. high school (real clever movie… ) I’m gonna give it to ya straight; co-writer (along with Jeff O’Brien working from a story by Taylor Nicholson)/director Ryan Nicholson seemingly wanted to give you one thing with Famine,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 14, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ever After (2018)

Zombies; love them or hate them you have to admit their apocalypses are always rather grand. Well, after one such incident, the human race is in a serious slump… like the kind where most of it has been eaten to shit and back. Into that maelstrom of flesh nibblers and ghoulish fiends stride Vivi (Gro Swantje Kohlhof) and Eva (Maja Lehrer), two lasses from ol’ Weimar towne; a city that survived the mess beyond it’s walls by simply killing every last mother fucker they even remotely felt could become a zombo. The duo are trying to make their way to Jena, a city that’s trying to find cure this whole gut-munchin’ biz, but that plan turns right shit right quick, and our heroes find themselves going through the Black Forest where they will do their doggone ding-dong damnedest to survive. Kicking out the mother fuckin’ jams with some positives; I must say Kohlhof and Lehrer are the perfect odd couple;

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 14, 2019
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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Automation (2019)

Happy Holidays from Alert Insulation, you’re all fired! Now just why is Alert giving everyone their staff the heave-ho? Well, that is all thanks to mega-efficient robot Auto (Jeff J. Knight in the suit with voice by Jim Tasker) who can handle an entire shift practically by himself… and there’s a better version of Auto itself ready to roll out. Small problem there… Auto gets wind of his eminent early retirement, blows a fuse, and becomes a full fledged murder machine that threatens the existence of the remaining staff. Maybe they shouldn’t use former military hardware to save a buck… With it’s pointed satire taking aim at corporate America and robot lead, you can bet demons to fuckin’ donuts that Automation brings to mind Verhoeven’s all-time classic flick Robocop, but that’s just surface level cats n’ creeps. The flick also has some stuff to say on office politics, what it means to be human and sentient, and just how much

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Paranormal Farm 3 Halloween (2019)

Our dude Carl (writer/director Carl Medland) is headin’ back to the freaky farm that made him famous, and things aren’t lookin’ good regarding his personal safety! Following the events of the first two Paranormal Farm flicks (which I reviewed here and here) the aforementioned Carl is called back to Darren (Darren Earl Williams) and Lucy’s (Lucy French) remote farm, only to discover that things are becoming more violent thanks to the strange forces at play on that desolate land… and because he didn’t learn anything from his previous experiences, he dives balls deep right into the gaping maw of pure terror… or he decides to look around the farm with a flashlight searching for arcane energy… whichever reads better. Anyway, the investigation continues and our heroes must deal with malicious mannequins, the occasional putrefied rat, debates about wardrobe continuity, and even more whack-o visitors to the farm. Will Carl make it through the ghoulish goings-on unscathed… and more importantly will

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Abstruse (2019)

Justin (Kris Reilly) and his best friend Daniel (Dennis Marin) hope to coerce a duo of barmaids, Mindy (Jessika Johnson) and Amanda (Kaiti Wallen), into making ye olde porno, which naturally results in Justin strangling Mindy to death. Amanda is none to thrilled, makes her escape, and informs the police… but they do jack shit since Justin’s daddy is a hot-shit senator (Dennis Haskins). Thankfully for our heroine, her dad Max (Tom Sizemore), is an ex-con and he plans on fixing the score. Unfortunately for our heroine, Justin is completely insane and begins going all-in on the murder biz. Will she be able to survive his machinations with her hide in one piece? Abstruse may seem like a action thriller on the surface, but this one has more to offer than you’d assume. First of all, the flick seems to exist in it’s own noir flavored reality where nearly everyone is corrupt or violent… or some combination of the two.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Prophecy (1979)

Something has been ripping loggers a new asshole up in the mountains of Maine… a situation made worse by the local native population… well worse for the paper mill that is running the logging gig and fuckin’ up the land of the tribes of the region, as they try and protest every step of the operation. Enter Dr. Robert Verne (Robert Foxworth) who excepts a job from the EPA to write a report on the woodsy static going down. Once there, Rob notices a few things; the logging company are kind of complete assholes, the raccoons of the are are not to be fucked with, and the spokesperson for the tribes, John Hawks (played by Armand Assante of all people) is convinced a legendary monster roams the woods… which would surprise no one due to the amount of pollution that mill is a-churnin’ out! Also, it actually is… and it looks like the giant fuckin’ bear equivalent of Two-Face (played

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Rabid (2019)

Rose (Laura Vandervoort) is having a shitty go at life lately; she’s the odd one out in the fashion biz she toils away in, she’s the pity project of her one friend in the world, Chelsea (Hanneke Talbot), and before too long half of her freakin’ face is scraped off in a moped accident (not really the vehicle that comes to mind when I think of horrible, life-altering, trauma, but here we are… to be fair there were cars involved on the periphery). She also gets fired, you know, just to piss directly on the raw, festering wound that is Rose’s soul. Not content to live a life destined to haunting Parisian (or Toronto in this case) opera houses, or cosplaying as Darkman, our heroine opts to undergo a radical gene splicing therapy to fix her busted chops. Everything seems to be coming up Rose at first; she’s hot A.F., she gets a new position actually designing fashion for her

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 11, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Slaughterhouse-Five (1972)

Poor Billy Pilgrim (Michael Sacks), while just livin’ his life as a middle-aged optometrist, he keeps coming “unstuck” in time. One second he’s in the trenches of World War II, the next he’s on exhibit in a fancy zoo on the planet Tralfamadore, kicking it with sexy-ass Hollywood starlet Montana Wildhack (Valerie Perrine). That last one is pretty damn awesome, but unfortunately he must also cool his jets in a German POW camp in Dresden (the eponymous Slaughterhouse Five), or fight for his life after barely surviving a plane crash… all in any order the time stream feels is necessary. Will our hero find a happy end or just keep fast forwarding and rewinding his life’s events until he expires? Slaughterhouse-Five is one hell of a crazy ride cats n’ creeps! We get time travel, nazis, aliens, nudity… you know, the big ticket items, but things are never presented in a manner other than melancholy, introspective, and often blackly humorous.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 10, 2019

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman Geed (2017)

Mill Creek Entertainment have gone done and released a dynamic duo of newer Ultra series… Ultraman Orb (2016) and Ultraman GEED (2017) respectively, and I marathoned the ever-loving shit out of them! So hunker down and read my wicked words about ’em! Created to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the ultra-franchise, ol’ Ultraman Orb follows the adventures of a new Ultraman (Orb ‘natch) who arrives on the scene all fired up to kick some monster ass, and boy will he ever get the chance as a cadre of killer kaiju known as King Demon Beasts have been set free after cooling their jets for centuries thanks to the Ultra Warriors locking their asses away and throwing away the key. Now Orb has a trick or two up his sleeve, mainly the fact he can call upon and utilize the powers of past Ultra Warriors and utilize them to inflict all manner of grave bodily harm to each and every monster

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Fly Collection (1958 – 1989)

Those magnificent bastards at Scream Factory have gone and done it; they’ve shoved every damn Fly flick into a boxed set, packed them with features, and set them loose to be lapped up by horror hounds everywhere… and I’m going to put a revoltin’ review on the whole shebang! Let’s kick things off with 1958’s The Fly… because that’s the first film in the series, and it would be stupid to do anything else… Andre Delambre (David Hedison) is flat as a pancake after being crushed to shit and back in a mechanical press, and his wife Helene (Patricia Owens) is the one responsible… but like an attention whore’s Facebook relationship status, it’s complicated. Fortunately we learn just how complicated as she recounts the strange events leading to Andre’s trip to the permanent press cycle to his brother Francois (Vincent Price, the one and only baby… ) and Police Inspector Charas (Herbert Marshall). You see ol’ Andy had been balls

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Famine (2011)

Sloppy Secondary high school is staging a 24 hour famine for charity… which is odd since the populace of the putrid place is weird as all fuck; you get sexy teachers, a principal that is definitely a Nazi, and a student body made up of sluts, delinquents, and other assorted odd balls… the place is like a finishing school for future Tromaville residents. Anyway, this isn’t the first time such an event has taken place… but it should have ended there as it turned to shit right quick, and it looks like the latest and greatest version is going to be a complete bloodbath as a crazed serial killer known as the Nailer (dressed as an adorable mascot character) stalks the halls of S.S. high school (real clever movie… ) I’m gonna give it to ya straight; co-writer (along with Jeff O’Brien working from a story by Taylor Nicholson)/director Ryan Nicholson seemingly wanted to give you one thing with Famine,

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 14, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Ever After (2018)

Zombies; love them or hate them you have to admit their apocalypses are always rather grand. Well, after one such incident, the human race is in a serious slump… like the kind where most of it has been eaten to shit and back. Into that maelstrom of flesh nibblers and ghoulish fiends stride Vivi (Gro Swantje Kohlhof) and Eva (Maja Lehrer), two lasses from ol’ Weimar towne; a city that survived the mess beyond it’s walls by simply killing every last mother fucker they even remotely felt could become a zombo. The duo are trying to make their way to Jena, a city that’s trying to find cure this whole gut-munchin’ biz, but that plan turns right shit right quick, and our heroes find themselves going through the Black Forest where they will do their doggone ding-dong damnedest to survive. Kicking out the mother fuckin’ jams with some positives; I must say Kohlhof and Lehrer are the perfect odd couple;

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 14, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Automation (2019)

Happy Holidays from Alert Insulation, you’re all fired! Now just why is Alert giving everyone their staff the heave-ho? Well, that is all thanks to mega-efficient robot Auto (Jeff J. Knight in the suit with voice by Jim Tasker) who can handle an entire shift practically by himself… and there’s a better version of Auto itself ready to roll out. Small problem there… Auto gets wind of his eminent early retirement, blows a fuse, and becomes a full fledged murder machine that threatens the existence of the remaining staff. Maybe they shouldn’t use former military hardware to save a buck… With it’s pointed satire taking aim at corporate America and robot lead, you can bet demons to fuckin’ donuts that Automation brings to mind Verhoeven’s all-time classic flick Robocop, but that’s just surface level cats n’ creeps. The flick also has some stuff to say on office politics, what it means to be human and sentient, and just how much

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Paranormal Farm 3 Halloween (2019)

Our dude Carl (writer/director Carl Medland) is headin’ back to the freaky farm that made him famous, and things aren’t lookin’ good regarding his personal safety! Following the events of the first two Paranormal Farm flicks (which I reviewed here and here) the aforementioned Carl is called back to Darren (Darren Earl Williams) and Lucy’s (Lucy French) remote farm, only to discover that things are becoming more violent thanks to the strange forces at play on that desolate land… and because he didn’t learn anything from his previous experiences, he dives balls deep right into the gaping maw of pure terror… or he decides to look around the farm with a flashlight searching for arcane energy… whichever reads better. Anyway, the investigation continues and our heroes must deal with malicious mannequins, the occasional putrefied rat, debates about wardrobe continuity, and even more whack-o visitors to the farm. Will Carl make it through the ghoulish goings-on unscathed… and more importantly will

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Abstruse (2019)

Justin (Kris Reilly) and his best friend Daniel (Dennis Marin) hope to coerce a duo of barmaids, Mindy (Jessika Johnson) and Amanda (Kaiti Wallen), into making ye olde porno, which naturally results in Justin strangling Mindy to death. Amanda is none to thrilled, makes her escape, and informs the police… but they do jack shit since Justin’s daddy is a hot-shit senator (Dennis Haskins). Thankfully for our heroine, her dad Max (Tom Sizemore), is an ex-con and he plans on fixing the score. Unfortunately for our heroine, Justin is completely insane and begins going all-in on the murder biz. Will she be able to survive his machinations with her hide in one piece? Abstruse may seem like a action thriller on the surface, but this one has more to offer than you’d assume. First of all, the flick seems to exist in it’s own noir flavored reality where nearly everyone is corrupt or violent… or some combination of the two.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Prophecy (1979)

Something has been ripping loggers a new asshole up in the mountains of Maine… a situation made worse by the local native population… well worse for the paper mill that is running the logging gig and fuckin’ up the land of the tribes of the region, as they try and protest every step of the operation. Enter Dr. Robert Verne (Robert Foxworth) who excepts a job from the EPA to write a report on the woodsy static going down. Once there, Rob notices a few things; the logging company are kind of complete assholes, the raccoons of the are are not to be fucked with, and the spokesperson for the tribes, John Hawks (played by Armand Assante of all people) is convinced a legendary monster roams the woods… which would surprise no one due to the amount of pollution that mill is a-churnin’ out! Also, it actually is… and it looks like the giant fuckin’ bear equivalent of Two-Face (played

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Rabid (2019)

Rose (Laura Vandervoort) is having a shitty go at life lately; she’s the odd one out in the fashion biz she toils away in, she’s the pity project of her one friend in the world, Chelsea (Hanneke Talbot), and before too long half of her freakin’ face is scraped off in a moped accident (not really the vehicle that comes to mind when I think of horrible, life-altering, trauma, but here we are… to be fair there were cars involved on the periphery). She also gets fired, you know, just to piss directly on the raw, festering wound that is Rose’s soul. Not content to live a life destined to haunting Parisian (or Toronto in this case) opera houses, or cosplaying as Darkman, our heroine opts to undergo a radical gene splicing therapy to fix her busted chops. Everything seems to be coming up Rose at first; she’s hot A.F., she gets a new position actually designing fashion for her

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 11, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Slaughterhouse-Five (1972)

Poor Billy Pilgrim (Michael Sacks), while just livin’ his life as a middle-aged optometrist, he keeps coming “unstuck” in time. One second he’s in the trenches of World War II, the next he’s on exhibit in a fancy zoo on the planet Tralfamadore, kicking it with sexy-ass Hollywood starlet Montana Wildhack (Valerie Perrine). That last one is pretty damn awesome, but unfortunately he must also cool his jets in a German POW camp in Dresden (the eponymous Slaughterhouse Five), or fight for his life after barely surviving a plane crash… all in any order the time stream feels is necessary. Will our hero find a happy end or just keep fast forwarding and rewinding his life’s events until he expires? Slaughterhouse-Five is one hell of a crazy ride cats n’ creeps! We get time travel, nazis, aliens, nudity… you know, the big ticket items, but things are never presented in a manner other than melancholy, introspective, and often blackly humorous.

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 10, 2019
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