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DanXIII

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Movie Review: The Furies (2019)

“High school student” Kayla (Airlie Dodds, who is an excellent actress, but she ain’t passing for a teenager no matter what the script says) and her gal-pal Maddie (Ebony Vagulans) find themselves in some diabolically dire straits after they are kidnapped and dumped in a forest where they are to be sport for a gaggle of guys in monster masks. Kayla must team up with the other captives on the island to try and overthrow the masked maniacs and free her friend… preferably with her hide intact. Look, The Most Dangerous Game adaptations and pastiches are a dime a demonic dozen in the ol’ horror biz, and to that end, The Furies is definitely one of those, but does it do anything to stand (severed) head and shoulder above the pack? The most obvious thing on display is a feminist take on the material. Writer/director Tony D’Aquino offers up female characters that have to become the strongest of the species

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DanXIII

Nov 2, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Mermaid Down (2019)

Two salty sea men (I just keep ’em cumming, eh boils n’ ghouls?) sit around yappin’ about mermaids as so many of us do. Well, this gets to that, and these bastards not only catch a mermaid (Alexandra Bokova), but they cut her goddamn tail off too… like seriously, who does that? A rando dude, Dr. Beyer (Burt Culver), comes to her rescue… kind of, as he doesn’t seem to be much better than her captors ,and takes her to the psychiatric hospital where he works as a psychiatrist for disturbed young women. The other patients don’t really get on with our former fish heroine (who has grown legs by the by), especially when she does shit like jumping in a pool like a lunatic and expecting her tail to return. Let me tell you lot, our heroine better try and make nice because the whole gaggle are in deep fuckery territory as the good doc is up to some

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DanXIII

Nov 2, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Return to Horror Hotel (2019)

Here it comes cats n’ creeps, the latest arcane anthology to hit the horror biz; Return to Horror Hotel, a fright flick comprised of four fearsome terror tales! First out of the gate comes Sleep Tight: Disparate strangers take up temporary residence at a rundown hotel… we have a bitchy, slutty, drunken (the classic trio beloved by all!) aunt and her two young charges, a bodybuilder obsessed with his physical form, and strangely enough, two folks who’s legs are horribly infected and turning into oozing nightmares. What do all these fine folks have in common? Why they all have to contend with beastly bed bugs who have gobbled up that muscle man’s steroids and mutated! Best part, that couple with the leakin’ legs; they grind up those creepy crawlies and sell the powder as a potent drug! This is one hell of an off-the wall yarn, and a solid start to this collection… it’s like trailer park William S. Burroughs,

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DanXIII

Nov 1, 2019

MoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: Two Evil Eyes (1990)

Two Evil Eyes is an arcane anthology divided into two halves (it’s all there in the title folks), both directed by legendary horror directors (George A. Romero and Dario Argento for those keepin’ score at home) and based on the writing of Edgar Allan Poe (The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar and The Black Cat respectively). Let’s kick out the jams with Romero’s joint, shall we? Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau) is what one would call “a reluctant shit-heel”; sure she’s conspiring with Dr. Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada) to bilk her dying husband, Ernest (Bingo O’Malley) out of his vast fortune via hypnosis… but she doesn’t feel great about it, until the dough begins to be well in hand that is. As fate would have it, Ernest buys the farm, so Bob and Jess chuck his dead ass in a large freezer in the basement and carry on with the Devil’s business… which you’d imagine would go smoothly, but

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DanXIII

Oct 30, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Man of a Thousand Faces (1957)

Lon Chaney was one of the undisputed greats in our beloved horror biz for his legendary performances as Quasimodo in 1923’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and as the titular character in 1925’s The Phantom of the Opera. So integral a part of the industry was Chaney that in 1957 Universal made a biopic and that brings us to today’s revoltin’ review of Man of a Thousand Faces! Born to deaf/mute parents, ol’ Lon has a tough go of it… but, he doesn’t let it get him down as he goes on to be a top vaudeville performer with a knack for taking on multiple characters with ease. Along for the ride is his pregnant wife Cleva (Dorothy Malone) who upon discovering our hero’s parent’s condition completely loses her shit and becomes one of the most annoying individuals in the known universe (seriously, you’ll be begging Lon to leave her ass in the dust at every turn). Life at home

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DanXIII

Oct 27, 2019

MoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Ida (2019)

Ida (Kerstin Jannerup Gjesing) is a cherubic tyke that is getting some serious static in her life thanks to some dreadful dreams of a monster that has it out for her. Her mother, Leonora (Molly Blixt Egelind), assures her that there are no monsters… as she herself battles the demon in a bottle; I’m talkin’ booze boils n’ ghouls! Let me tell you lot; this sinister short really plays with ya! This thing enters some dark, psychologically fucked-up territory and smacks you right in the gut, while playing out in sun dappled rooms full of bright, cheery color. It’s that dichotomy that makes the entire affair so damn unsettling… well, that and the fact young Ida has no skills to help her cope with the horrors of her dreams and her reality. Speaking of Ida, Gjesing is one hell of a fantastic actor who’s tender age belies her acting prowess, and Egelind as her beleaguered mother is no slouch either

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DanXIII

Oct 26, 2019

MoviesReviewsThriller

Movie Review: She Never Died (2019)

Cast your monstrous mind back to 2015… okay, are ya there? Remember that Angry Hank Rollins vampire joint He Never Died? Well, guess what; we are taking a look at a semi-sequel to that terror tale, but it’s been all gender-swaped, both in front of and behind the camera… but more on that in a bit) as I cast my eerie eyeballs on She Never Died! Long story short, this entry focuses on the immortal Lacey (Olunike Adeliyi), a lone wolf with a major case of boredom with her never-ending existence. So what does she do to try and help her ennui? Why devouring the worst that humanity has to offer of course… which in turn causes her to battle her own demons in the process. So how does this hold up to the first, admittedly excellent, chapter? Pretty damn well! End of review. Alright, because you are surely setting on your couch literally begging for more of my wicked

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DanXIII

Oct 25, 2019

News

Movie Review: Bloody Marie (2019)

Marie (Susanne Wolff) has seriously hit the skids; her once successful comic career is up in flames due to her creative spark being extinguished and now she lives a completely drunken existence among the whores of Amsterdam’s Red Light District. As you can imagine, her life is one conflict after another as she starts shit in every liquor store and dive in town, and before long she takes to stealing from her neighbor. One problem with that, this causes a horrific spiral that our fucked-up heroine may not be able to survive! Look, we’ve all seen the “drunk in over their head in the horror biz” trope before, and in that Bloody Marie doesn’t seek to reinvent the wicked wheel… but that’s not to say this flick doesn’t have plenty of great shit (trust me, that’s a pro film critic term) to offer us! Rather than focus on how dreadfully depressing Marie’s life has become, the focus remain firmly focused

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DanXIII

Oct 25, 2019

Reviews

Blu-ray Review: Scarface Gold Edition (1983)

Big budget exploitation at it’s finest; that’s what we are going to shoot the shit about today cats n’ creeps as we slap our eyeballs on Brian De Palma’s crime classic Scarface! Cuban immigrant (and former soldier) Tony Montana (Al Pacino) comes to the ol’ U.S.A. with a dream; to be rich and powerful… and he doesn’t care how that happens. After a a low-level political hit here, and some dish washing there (gotta keep the lights on after all), Montana and his right hand man Manny (Steven Bauer) manage to survive an outrageously botched drug deal (there’s a fuckin’ chainsaw involved) and deliver the yayo to kingpin Frank Lopez (Robert Loggia). This sends Tony up the ladder to ill-gotten fame and fortune, and before long he’s kicked Frank to the curb (just how I will let you find out for yourselves), stolen his coke-lovin’ wife Elvira (Michelle Pfeiffer). Of course once you get to the top the only place

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DanXIII

Oct 24, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Reviews: Hellraiser (1987) and Hellraiser II: Hellbound (1988)

Ahh the Hellraiser series; so iconic and flat out awesome (well at first anyway) it is that it needs no introduction, as I’m sure each and everyone of you creeps has parked your pasty asses in front of it at one time or another. But, just in case there is someone reading this that has no idea what I’m talking about; here’s the elevator pitch; there’s a puzzle box… kinda like a Rubik’s Cube that when solved unleashes emissaries from hell (that are waaay into S&M) who arrive to collect the soul of anyone stupid enough to play their game. So there’s that. Anyway; Hellraiser, I love it, you love it, Arrow has gone mega-ape shit and unleashed insane-o releases of the first two films in the series…and yeah; review time! Let’s take ‘em one by one and kick it off with the original recipe Hellraiser! Poor Kirsty Cotton (Ashley Laurence); all she wants to do is visit her Dad

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DanXIII

Oct 21, 2019

DanXIII

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