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DanXIII

1,295 stories

Movie Review: Portals (2019)

Scientists create an artificial black hole and the result are massive blackouts, missing persons, and some of those good ol’ fashioned cosmic anomalies that the youth of today dig on. Thus begins Portals; a new arcane anthology brought to us by Eduardo Sanchez (The Blair Witch Project), Gregg Hale (V/H/S 2), Timo Tjahjanto (The Night Comes For Us), and Liam O’Donnell (Beyond Skyline). In our wicked wrap-around, directed by O’Donnell, a family is sucked within a portal while traversing a desert road… more on that in a bit… As the nightmare continues, black obelisks begin appearing, and folks start disappearing into them… reports of which begin overloading a 911 call center… and before you can say “So get up get, get get down” one of those eerie edifices appears in the center, and the office nutcase decides to communicate with it (always a shit-hot idea)… and he’s going to get his co-workers to step inside it’s midnight embrace come hell

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DanXIII

Oct 21, 2019

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: An American Werewolf in London (1981)

I’m not even going to fuck around; An American Werewolf in London is one of the finest horror pictures ever made. Doubtless, no one reading these wicked words would need any convincing to agree… but for the one person out there that may be unfamiliar with this fright flick, I’m gonna kick of this revoltin’ review of Arrow Video’s new Blu-ray release of this beast of a film with a sinister synopsis (I mean I always do that but what-fucking-ever). Two American friends, let’s call them David and Jack… because that’s what their character’s names are… anyway these two dudes (played by David Naughton and Griffin Dunn respectively) are on one of those European backpacking trips that the kids of today are just so gosh darn fucking fond of. After getting the bums rush at the local watering hole, our heroes set off into the night, and get attacked by a savage werewolf (you can bet that nugget should be

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DanXIII

Oct 17, 2019

MoviesReviews

Movie Review: Tennessee Gothic (2019)

A couple of dumb-ass hicks decide to immolate and rape a bound woman that goes by the handle of Sylvia (Jackie Kelly)… which results in her going blood simple and murdering the yokels right quick before losing consciousness. Enter: Paw (Victor Hollingsworth) who finds Sylvia and brings her to his farm. Being such an upstanding she helps with the chores in return for the favor as well as helping Paw’s son Caleb (William Ryan Watson) get his rocks off… hell she even tries puttin’ the moves on Paw! , The Dooms Chapel Horror). Since she has no place else to go Paw offers her a place at the farm. She’s soon helping with the chores and joining Caleb in the hayloft. And seducing Paw just for good measure. As you can tell, ol’ Syl ain’t exactly what she appears to be, and when the brother of one of the shitheels mentioned in paragraph uno makes the scene the shit really

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DanXIII

Oct 15, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Killer Nun (1979)

Sister Gertrude (Anita Ekberg) is your average, everyday nun… you know, a real cock-hungry, morphine addicted, chain smoking, medically negligent bitch on wheels… the ushe… When ol’ Gert gets a wild hair that she has cancer, she seems to lose her goddamned mind, and goes on a drug fueled tear through the hospital in which she works. If she isn’t kinda/sorta causing patients to die, using her days off to have sex with randos on the street, or having the occasional major psychotic break; then she’s “forcing” Sister Matthieu (the stunning Paola Morra) to have a lesbian tryst, or having hallucinations about murder… hallucinations that lead to there being actual corpses! Enter: Dr. Patrick Roland (Warhol darling Joe Dallesandro), who becomes suspicious of our sinful Sister and starts causing some serious static for our habit-wearin’ anti-heroine… but is that justified or has Gertrude been merely a pawn in someone else’s game? Based on a true story… like for real! Sadistic,

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DanXIII

Oct 14, 2019

Books

Book Review: The Necronomnomnom: Recipes and Rites From The Lore Of H. P. Lovecraft (2019)

When I think of H.P. Lovecraft images of nausea inducing creatures and indescribable madness come to mind… and possibly Jeffrey Combs… definitely not mouth watering cuisine though. Well, someone had the idea those two things should be slapped together and thus The Necronomnomnom was birthed! Thankfully author Mike Slater and editor Thomas Roache are obviously huge fans of ol’ H to the P and actually present the recipes in a style that reads as a reasonable pastiche of the author’s writing. This creates a Cthulhu sized amount of fun for the reader, even if they aren’t attempting to whip up any of the demonic dishes being described. Speaking of arcane ambience, this beastly book is loaded to Dagon’s gills with absolutely stunning illustrations courtesy of artist Kurt Komoda, that accompany the recipes. While these eerie etchings are a wonder to behold, yours cruelly did find it a bit odd that there are no actual photographs of the fearsome food at

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DanXIII

Oct 13, 2019

IndieMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: The Dead Center (2018)

Medical examiner Edward Graham (Bill Feehely) has been tasked with examining a John Doe (Jeremy Childs) suicide… which would be rather routine except for the fact the body has fuckin’ disappeared… well “disappeared” is the wrong word; more like “resurrected” and wandered away… as one does. Eventually our very confused former corpse lands himself in ye olde psychiatric hospital and under the care of Dr. Daniel Forrester (Shane Carruth)… a rather unorthodox medical professional who has raised the ire of the higher ups. Forrester does his best to deduce Doe’s boggle (namely insane-o mood swings unmanageable by normal methods), but he naturally could never guess that this dude has gone loco because he’s now a walking impossibility… and worse yet; those that get close to Doe are beginning to die. Will Graham (who won’t let a missing corpse lie) and Forrester solve these supernatural shenanigans before the body count rises? The Dead Center is one hell of a slow-burn sombre

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DanXIII

Oct 13, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: Red Spring (2017)

Things have gone to shit up Canada way as Toronto has become completely lousy with vampires. A band of humans, who’s ranks include Ray (Jeff Sinasac, who also wrote and directed this fright flick), a man looking for his family… though they are most likely extinct, a soldier, a survivor of a vampire breeding camp, Vicky (Elysia White); who’s emergency shelter the group calls home… and more, have all teamed up in an effort to survive this post apocalyptic fang banger hellscape, but they are havin’ major issues getting their shit together. Now you may thing that this is like The Walking Dead, but vampires have replaced zombies… and you are dead-bang fuckin’ right… but that doesn’t mean this is not worth your time. Quite the contrary this flick is filled with strong characters you actually give a demonic damn about, with Sinasac and White leading the pack with he juiciest, most fleshed out roles, though the rest of the

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DanXIII

Oct 13, 2019

IndieMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Toys Are Not For Children (1972)

I’m not going to candy coat it; Jamie Godard (Marcia Forbes) is all shades of fucked up. She’s a relative simpleton that masturbates on the regular with the stuffed animals her absentee father sends her (even though she’s a grown-ass woman)… and she calls out “Daddy” as she does it! Soon she finds herself married to her co-worker, though she can’t “consummate” the deal due to them pesky issues mentioned up yonder… and before you can say “oh, fuck no” she finds herself balls deep in the world of prostitution thanks to aging whore Pearl (Evelyn Kingsley) who was a favorite of her horny pops. Needless to say, things go south in more ways than one… Comprised of unlikable or unsympathetic characters, garish fashions, and not nearly as much titillation as one would expect from a picture like this; Toys Are Not For Children is not your average exploitation picture. Jamie and her mother (Fran Warren) seem to be in

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DanXIII

Oct 12, 2019

DocumentariesMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Memory: The Origins of Alien (2019)

Memory: The Origins of Alien, the new film from Director Alexandre O. Philippe takes a whole new tack in investigating the creation of Ridley Scott’s Alien; he sets his eerie eyeballs mostly on the period of time before the film began shooting, rather than showing us yet another “making-of” piece… and that is refreshing as all fuck boils n’ ghouls! To that end, much heed is paid to what may have influenced Writer Dan O’Bannon (Return of the Living Dead) to create this story in the first place with the much mentioned It: The Terror From Beyond Space and Mario Bava’s Planet of the Vampires, to lesser known (but obvious) inspiration culled from the writings of H.P. Lovecraft and E.C. Comics, while creating his own unforgettable mythology and world building. Time is also spent examining cool-as-all-fuck late artist H.R. Giger’s undeniable influence on all things xenomorph, as well as what Scott brought to the table (though as the only surviving

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DanXIII

Oct 12, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Short Review: IT… the uhhh… let’s say Adult Version

Look this shit isn’t going to be for everyone, and is so far beyond NSFW (the film reviewed, not the actual revoltin’ review… well, I mean it’s gonna contain my normal number of “fucks” but they’ll be referring to actual fucking for the most part) that if you have a major stick up your ass about such things you should just move on to ghoulish greener pastures… any way, on with the show! When you think of Pennywise what is the first thing anyone thinks of… go on, I’ll wait… naturally, it’s a spinner making sweet, sweet love to her big ass boyfriend! IT Wants Her Small Tits (this one just had to have a fetish… I mean beyond Stephen King inspired pornography that is), stars Anna Mae (clever name) who, has a nightmare where she finds herself balls deep in Derry, and you just know that creepy clown will show his face… and he does, but before you can

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DanXIII

Oct 12, 2019

DanXIII

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