Author

DanXIII

1,300 stories

Movie Review: Pumpkins (2018)

An unpopular farmer (Terry Wood) with a rather disconcerting pumpkin fetish, meets his end thanks to being scared to death by two hooligans (Dale Hooley and Nathan Jordie Keers), but he won’t stay dead for long, as the unhallowed ground he is buried in resurrects his ass as Pumpkin Man (Will Metheringham), a monstrous mountain of a man with a pumpkin visage that goes all in on the murder biz along with some living pumpkins (wait… what the fuck now?)! That’s all well and good, but in order to have a slasher opus you need victims… and along comes Lance (Roland Martial) and Denise (Sarah Jayne Curry); guides employed by a group of survival nuts to lead them to remote territory, which of course is directly on Pumpkin Man’s land. Naturally stalk n’ slay ghoulish goodness ensues, and our hapless heroes run afoul of not only our outre orange antagonist, but his naughty niece (played by the film’s director Maria

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 8, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Devil’s Acid (2018)

A drunken dad tells his sleep derived son one one hell of an inappropriate whopper and thus begins Devil’s Acid… a drug-fueled journey through our beloved horror biz. The story proper concerns douchey Johnny (Drew Rin Varick), who invites a group of comely ladies (Ashley Dulaney, Jessica Lynn Parsons, Misty and Kim Ormiston, and Betty Jeune) along with his bro Luke (Eric Gibson) to a derelict jailhouse for a night of debased debauchery; all enhanced by the ingestion of the eponymous Devil’s acid that is rumored to provide one hell of a trip… literally. The gang goes apeshit off that arcane acid and believe they see ol’ Scratch himself (Finch Nissen) which is kinda prosaic given the evil babies, cults, and snogging with deer heads that also surround them. Given the above sinister synopsis above, you’d imagine you were in for one hell of an off-kilter and bizarre fright flick, and you’d be right… but Devil’s Acid is nothing if

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 7, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Holiday Hell (2019)

As is the way around these putrid parts, my arcane ass has yet another horror anthology to review… so let’s hang the monstrous mistletoe and get balls deep into Holiday Hell shall we? Waiting until the last possible moment; a woman enters a curio shop on Christmas Eve looking for a gift. Well, said shop is run by Re-Animator‘s Jeffrey Combs, who gives fuck-all how late our heroine is and proceeds to weave a quartet of terror tales involving objects in the shop… on of which she must choose to purchase before the clock strikes midnight. Lady, just leave and grab a gift card somewhere; sure it’s unoriginal and lazy, but you get to not be menaced by supernatural shenanigans, and who doesn’t like iTunes or Target? Since she defies logic and stays, let’s start examining these yarns… First up we get Dollface; the story of a gang o’ teens poppin’ a squat in a murder house. this dread domicile

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 7, 2019

MoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: The Curse Of Buckout Road (2017)

Urban legends; I dig ’em, and apparently so does the horror biz at large, because we sure do get a veritable shit-ton of fright flicks involving them… like The Curse of Buckout Road for instance… Said curse on Buckout Road is that seemingly all manner of urban legends call the locale their haunted home… and that makes that revoltin’ road (located in Westchester, New York) a real ass pain for those that have to traverse it. Enter former military-man Aaron (Evan Ross) who takes up residence with his shrink uncle Lawrence (Danny Glover), who thankfully for us horror hounds, is B.D. in a case involving three college kids who are dealing with supernatural shenanigans after investigating that eponymous road… and soon our hero gets caught up in the ghoulish goings-on, and with the help of Reverend Mike (Colm Feore) attempts to find which monstrous menace (for the record, said menaces are albino cannibals, a vengeful ghost, and hot under the

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 7, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Prey (1983)

Shot in 1979, set in 1980, released in 1983… and packed from asshole to earlobes with nature stock footage, what else could it be but The Prey? Well, honestly it’s possible it could be something else… but it isn’t; it’s The Prey. Anyway, the plot to this sinister slasher is simple; three good lookin’ couples (no surprise here as Edwin and Summer Brown were known for their porno flicks before they dipped their tingling toes in our beloved horror biz) traipse off into the woods for a lil’ rest and relaxation (read: sexy time), but it soon becomes apparent they are not alone in that freaky forest! As a lengthy, and oh-so-tacked on flashback sequence (that is confusingly presented at times in both sepia hue and color for no good reason) reveals; gypsies (like they have one of those olde timey carts and everything) once settled in those woods, and thanks to the horny antics of one of their clan,

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 6, 2019

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: Devil’s Revenge (2019)

Ancient curses and Star Trek actors… that’s what Devil’s Revenge has to offer us; so you know I’m all fuckin’ in… now let’s see if the rest of this freaky feature can deliver the ghoulish goods! I don’t know what’s goin’ down in the caves of Kentucky, but my man John (Jason Brooks) has caught a case of the worst of it. See his family are the recipients of one hell of an ancient Aztec curse, and after a doomed spelunking trip to set things right life goes from moderately okay to “holy fuck, I’m plagued by skull faced demons” in the blink of an eerie eye… and the fact that those demons start puttin’ the murder on those John has altercations with es no bueno. After a chat with is over-the-top lunatic father (the legend that is William fuckin’ Shatner), John knows what he must do; load the fam into the wicked Winnebago, chuck them directly into evil’s path,

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 5, 2019

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Short Film Review: The Squatter (2019)

The Squatter begins with one of your poor, unfortunate soul types catching static from some hoodlums. What does our protagonist do to escape from that miscreant maelstrom? Why take shelter in ye olde shit shack of a pub. Problem is, this beastly bar holds one of those sinister Satanic secrets that always leads to good ol’ bad vibes. Since our homeless hero has nowhere else to be, he stays… even though the truths he reveals about the eerie establishment put him balls deep in the horror biz. A beating by those aforementioned punks is lookin’ better and better, ain’t it? The first thing that struck me about The Squatter is how much it had that Lovecraft aesthetic I adore like a mutant mother fucker! It’s the combo of the dreary coastal setting nestled under slate grey skies as well as that ancient evil mumbo jumbo that just reeks of ol’ H.P.; and that is one hell of a feat; this

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 5, 2019

Comic Books/Graphic NovelsReviewsStreaming TV

Blu-ray Review: Doom Patrol: The Complete First Season (2019)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment Provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this Blog Post. The opinions I share on my own. Let’s be honest cats n’ creeps we live in a wondrous age… an age where it’s possible for any ol’ superhero team to get their own TV show, no matter how offbeat or obscure (as far as the general public is concerned anyway). That brings us to the subject of this here revoltin’ review; Doom Patrol, a great slice of wacky weirdness in it’s four-color iteration, but not the first choice one may have for live-action adaptation. Turns out it should have been… The basic storyline for this super show goes as follows: The Doom Patrol; who’s ranks include Crazy Jane (Diane Guerrero), a dominant personality of a woman who has been traumatized, Rita Farr (April Bowlby) known as Elasti-Girl who is stretching herself thin trying not to become a permanent bowl of Jell-O,

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 2, 2019

MoviesReviews

DVD Review: Scooby-Doo: Return to Zombie Island (2019)

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment Provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this Blog Post. The opinions I share on my Own. When Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island hit in 1998 it was like breathe of fresh air in the fearsome franchise; the monsters were real, the tone was darker than before, and the story featuring a disbanded Mystery Inc. (comprised of Fred Jones, Daphne Blake, Shaggy Rogers, Velma Dinkley, and that lovable mutt Scooby-Doo) coming back together for one last hurrah and falling afoul of the undead and werecats on Moonscar Island was cool AF. So how will the sequel; Scooby-Doo: Return to Zombie Island measure up? Let’s begin with the ol’ sinister synopsis, shall we? As before, our teenage sleuths and their dog have cooled their jets and have managed to stay out of terror trouble for a damn sight (like at least a few months or more). Of course that is short lived as

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Oct 1, 2019

MoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: Art of the Dead (2019)

Douglas Winter (Richard Grieco), goes apeshit because his fam doesn’t go all moist over his art collection with murderous results. Cut to Tess Barryman (Tara Reid) auctioning off said collection which showcases works featuring that ol’ Greatest Hits collection of bad behavior; The Seven Deadly Sins. A real rube by the handle of Dylan Wilson (Lukas Hassel), along with his wife Gina (Jessica Morris) purchase that arcane art, and actually hold on to it even though a priest (Robert Donavan) who’s obviously seen some shit warns them that the putrid paintings can corrupt people who most identify with one of the sins. Various horrible happenings ensue (read: sex with a demon among others) with only a slim chance of ending the evil in sight! Look, you cats n’ creeps look for the straight dope from yours cruelly, and I’m gonna lay it on ya; Art of the Dead is one hell of a surreal fright flick… and that’s why I

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 30, 2019

DanXIII

More from DanXIII