Author

DanXIII

1,300 stories

Blu-ray Review: Nightwish (1989)

Young Donna (Elizabeth Kaitan) finds herself menaced by ghouls… but the whole scenario is in actuality a (as yet unsuccessful) sleep experiment involving the utilization of dreams to predict one’s death run by a college professor (a scene chewing yet still somehow low-key Jack Starrett, who some of you cats n’ creeps may recognize as the director of Cleopatra Jones and the ‘Peter Fonda against vengeful Satanists’ gem Race With the Devil) and four students, of which ol’ Donna is one. Anyhow, the Prof and his charges schlep (courtesy of the van belonging to a completely over-the-top, bongo solo lovin’, psychopathic Brian Thompson) out to a creepy farmhouse where seances were held years prior… and naturally is located in the middle of nowhere, to conduct experiments involving contacting the supernatural. Of course that idea is what one may say is “completely fucking horrible”, and soon our gang are up to their tits in terror trouble including cartoon snakes, a ghost

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 20, 2019

Film FestivalsNews

Scare-A-Con 2019 Ready to Unleash Horror in New York!

Scare-A-Con is coming to the Rochester Riverside Hotel, Rochester, NY on October 18 thru the 20th, and to shed Lucifer’s light on the whole arcane affair your’s cruelly recently had a chance to chat with the show’s promoter JV Johnson! Dan XIII: Please tell my revoltin’ readers how you came to be involved in that creepiest of conventions Scare-A-Con! JV: Once I discovered the world of horror conventions, I realized that there were many people who shared the same passions as I did. That revelation made me decide to bring a similar event to my town of Syracuse, NY. I owned & operated a group of radio stations there and I used those resources to have the first SCARE-A-CON in 2011. After a couple venue changes and the addition of the New England show, we have become one of the biggest horror conventions in the Northeast. DXIII: What can all of your faithful n’ fearsome fiends expect to experience at

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 19, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Who Saw Her Die? (1972)

When Roberta (Nicoletta Elmi),the daughter of sculptor Franco (one-time Bond George Lazenby), ends up face down dead in a river down Venice way, our hero teams up with his estranged wife Elizabeth (Anita Strindberg) to solve the case. Of course whoever is responsible doesn’t want to be caught and the body count rises as the trail leads to some of the most respected figures in Venetian society. Starting off with a real showstopper in the revolting murder of young Roberta, Who Saw Her Die? trucks along in typical giallo freaky fashion with all of the accoutrements firmly in place. You get your black gloved killer, a barrel of red herring served up nice n’ hot, nonsensical explanations, and the ol’ money shots; plenty of acts of murderous mayhem! Adding to the experience are the cold, almost emotionless performances of the leads, with Lazenby and Strindberg carrying on as if in shock (which honestly they would be) which gives the entire

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 19, 2019

DocumentariesIndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: MOMO: The Missouri Monster (2019)

Blackburn’s Cryptid Casefiles, hosted by cryptid expert/author Lyle Blackburn, sets it’s sights on the events of the ol’ summer of ’72; when a hairy sumbitch bugged the shit outta the residents of Louisiana, Missouri. Locations are visited, the locals are chatted up… business as usual; but the real feather in the creepy cap is the presentation of clips from a rediscovered film on the subject from decades past. All of this blurs the line between fantasy and reality as Seth Breedlove and Small Town Monsters have changed up their basic straight-up documentary style format and have presented some elaborate re-enactments with the inclusion of the faux fright film footage (not to mention the addition of Blackburn rather than having Breedlove himself narrate the events) in the style of one of my fav flicks The Legend of Boggy Creek, and the end result is a ton of fearsome fun! As one would expect, the events presented in the “lost” film don’t

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 19, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Scooter (2019)

Scooter presents the tale (via a combo of mockumentary and found footage) of three internet celebs who get the wild hair to make a long distance trek via scooters for their lil’ web pro-grim. Along the way tensions begin to flare, and things only get worse when our heroes record a murder as it happens in the ass-end of nowhere! Of course escape becomes impossible, and soon the three amigos find themselves at the not-so-tender mercy of that murderous maniac… but what will their ultimate fate be? Scooter starts out promising; the cast is likable… and more importantly believable, as is the basic premise of the fright flick. There is a nice sense of world building, and things truck along at a reasonable pace while setting up a nice bit of tension; we know shit is going to go south, but when and how remains a mystery for a good chunk of the run-time (yeah, this is a slow burn

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 18, 2019

IndieMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Guns (1990) and Do or Die (1991)

I have a lil’ something different for you cats n’ creeps today; a look at two Blu-rays put out by Mill Creek Entertainment featuring some pure exploitation gold! Guns (1990): Juan Degas, the infamous Jack of Diamonds (C.H.I.P.S.’ Erik Estrada in a rare villainous role) is back in action, and he has a plan to run guns down Molokai way. Thankfully L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna (Dona Speir, reprising her role from other flicks in the Malibu Bay series) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez), are on the case and ready to get naked and fire missiles at shit nearly non-stop, so good luck to ya Juan. I know the two burning questions plaguing your fevered brain: Is there a federal agent in this that’s also a magician/assassin (played by legendary television performer Chuck McCann who steals the entire picture in my opinion), and does Danny Trejo (Machete) play a Chinese dude? The answer is “yes” to both, naturally. Also in the plus column

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 17, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: the VelociPastor (2018)

After losing his parents in a car explosion (represented by text that an effect should be present, but isn’t), a priest named Doug (Gregory James Cohan) travels to China (via car), where he gets poked by a talon held by a dying woman. Once home, out hero begins turning into a dinosaur, and avenges his parent’s death… and because there is literally fifty minutes left to go after that, he teams up with a hooker named Carol (Alyssa Kempinski) and fights a ninja crime syndicate. Based on true events. Look, I’m not gonna beat around the bush, or any other part of the female anatomy… I absolutely loved the ever-lovin’ fuck out of VelociPastor. Writer/Director Brendan Steere has delivered an intentionally campy, over-the-top love letter to grindhouse cinema with all of the gore and insanity you’d expect, and then some… but what may catch you cats n’ creeps by sinister surprise is that Steere delivers some gorgeous shots among the

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 15, 2019

Holiday HorrorIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Candy Corn (2019)

A group of bullying jackanapes decide to spend All Hallows Eve buggin’ the shit out of townie odd-ball Jacob (Nate Chaney)… who just so happens to have found a temp gig as a carney at Dr. Death’s Side Show Spook House Spectacular. Soon the torment goes to far, Jacob takes a dirt nap, and is resurrected (due in no small part to his freaky new friends) with his mind set on lappin’ up some sweet, sweet revenge against those what done him wrong. Writer/Director Josh Hasty (creator of the mega-cool pic Honeyspider, which yours cruelly slapped a revoltin’ review on ages ago right here) seems to have only one goal in mind with Candy Corn, and that is distilling the essence of the haunted Halloween holiday and committing it to sinful celluloid for all to see! I’m pleased as poisoned punch to let you cats n’ creeps know; he succeeded like a mother fucker! Everything from the color palette, to

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 14, 2019

MoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Mad Santa (2019)

One angry sumbitch with dashed aspirations of portraying Santa at the local mall goes ahead and kidnaps the manager of said establishment, her family, and her lover; and lets them know he’s a smidge miffed he lost the coveted Yuletide gig. Created for the Vancouver 48 Hour Run N Gun Horror Film Festival (which means the entire sinister shebang was written, shot, edited, and scored in 48 hours… which seems crazy as all fuck to undertake but kudos to the lunatics that ran those particular asylums) by writer/director/actor Bruce Blain (who portrays the eponymous lead character), Mad Santa is a vicious lil’ slice of fearsome fruitcake served up with a splash of shocking violence… and goddamn is it ever a satisfying short subject! In a mere seven minutes we get a powerhouse performance from Blain, cringe-worthy brutality, tension thicker than the heels of Karloff’s Frankenstein boots, and even an unexpected dash of playfulness… which adds up to a joltin’ jaunt

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 13, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

DVD Review: Clownado (2019)

As Clownado opens, we learn of the dangers of circus-related theft (a true plague to the youth of the nation these days)…which could best be described as kooky clowns showing us that tits n’ darts don’t mix (a lesson I learned all too well at my last soiree at the Crypt o’ XIII)…if they don’t just murderize your ass outright. Savanna (Rachel Lagen), the victim of their big top titty terror, seeks revenge against those clowns, lead by her brute of a husband Big Ronnie (John O’Hara), via magic courtesy of one Autumn Moonspell (porn legend Jeanne Silver). The spell helps her escape the grease-painted ghouls, but it has the unintended side-effect of giving the clowns tornado based supernatural abilities…as is often the way. Soon a group of disparate strangers who’s ranks include; a no-nonsense shit-kicker (Bobby Westrick), an Elvis impersonator (Antwoine Steele), a stripper (Dilynn Fawn Harvey), and a teen runaway (Sierra Stodden) will be tasked with ending the

Continue reading →

DanXIII

Sep 12, 2019

DanXIII

More from DanXIII