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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Howling III (1987)

Anthropologist Harry Beckmeyer (Barry Otto) witnesses some old-ass footage that purportedly shows a werewolf, and hears of a lycanthrope on the prowl in Siberia, so does what any rational human being would do; contacts the President of the United States and warns him of a worldwide werewolf epidemic. Spoiler: Prez blows that shit off. Wonder why? Meanwhile, comely marsupial werewolf Jerboa (Imogen Annesley) has fled from her abusive home and has been discovered living on the streets by Donny Martin (Leigh Biolos) who gets her a gig starring in the fright flick ‘Shape Shifters Part 8′. Jerboa reveals she is a real life werewolf, but Donny being the typical red-blooded male fucks her anyway…I mean, it’s only half bestiality, so it’s all good, right bro? (shudder) Soon Jerboa’s estranged family come a-lookin’ for her, and Beckmeyer crosses their path…and falls in love with a werewolf ballerina…and then ancient phantom werewolves are summoned…and there’s an award show…and a baby werewolf…and…and…ME FUCKIN’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Dry Blood (2017)

Brian Barnes (Clint Carney, who also wrote the film) is a major league fuck-up. He’s pissed his life away with drugs n’ drink…and now he’s decided to retreat to a remote cabin (always a shit-hot idea in a fright flick) to try and dry his ass out with the help of his pal Anna (Jaymie Valentine). Complicating matters is the constant intrusion of a local sheriff (Kelton Jones, who directed the film as well), and some pesky, and sanity threatening, hallucinations and ghosts that may just reduce Barnes to a quivering mass of jelly before the yarn unspools! Oh Dry Blood, you magnificent, wildly uneven, bastard. For the first half of this film, you will doubtless ask yourself “Why on Earth am I trudging through this nonsense?” Scenes go on forever, Carney is a rather unlikable lead, and Valentine…well, let’s just be charitable and say her acting (and wig???) leave a shit-ton to be desired (though after the picture ends

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 11, 2019
Horror Fuel

Sinister Shorts Featuring: Slash (2018), Stay Quiet (2018), and Innards (2014)

With the new year comes a veritable ass-load of short fright flicks that fine fiends have asked me to lay my putrid peepers upon (or like three…but one man’s small amount is another man’s ass-load I never say…). So without further ado, here comes some bite-sized revoltin’ reviews! Slash (2018): Callum (Michael Mowen) is just tryin’ to enjoy a sinister slasher pic, but his gal pal Sydney (Chloe Carroll…who also produced the film) is riding his ass like a cheap suit calling out every beloved stalk n’ slay trope and giving it a savage roasting that will have you wishing ol’ C-dawg would throw her out on her ear. Of course soon the tables turn, and Sydney finds herself in just the situation she so mercilessly took jabs at, but will she fare any better than the characters on the silver screen? Running at a brief eight minutes and change, Slash is a great skewering of that one mother fucker

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 8, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Willie Dynamite (1974)

Willie Dynamite (Roscoe Orman…who you may know as Gordon from Sesame Street) cruises the streets in a lavender automobile roughly the size of a small continent while wearing a lampshade as a hat (go ahead and convince me otherwise) as his theme song plays (Willie! Oh, Willie D.!!) before collecting a hefty sum for the snapper he sold the local Shriner convention. But as fate would have it, pimpin’ ain’t easy, and Willie must contend with a late trick…and not a top earner as well. At least he can rely on the camaraderie of his pimp peers…peers who take the advice of Bell (Roger Robinson in a performance so flamboyant it would make Elton John blush) and decide to play the game in delineated territories in order to maximize profits and stay ahead of the law…a plan that goes over like a fart in a submarine to enterprisin’ Willie D. Before long, our hero has to deal with the ever-growing

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Bloody Birthday (1981)

In 1970, three children were born during an eclipse (presented in the cheapest way imaginable, and a real treat for those of you that dig on still photos of a solar eclipse and V.O. exposition…). Flash forward ten years, and these hellions (played by Elizabeth Hoy, Billy Jayne, and Andrew Freeman respectively) are making 1980 a real shitty year for their suburban neighborhood. Engaging in everything from spying on Julie Brown (Earth Girls Are Easy variety, not ‘Downtown’…) dancing around naked, to locking other kids in abandoned refrigerators, to straight up murder (victims include, but are not limited to: their parents, teachers, and rando horny teens). Soon it’s up to Timmy (K.C. Martel) and his sister Joyce (Lori Lethin) to try and put an end to these tiny terrors armed only with astrology (?!!) and their wits…my money’s on the killer kids… The first thing that will doubtless pop into your fevered lil’ brains as you watch Bloody Birthday is

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 4, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Lonely (and rich) housewife Minou (Dagmar Lassander) spends her time pining for the affection of her husband Peter (Pier Paolo Capponi) who is never around. While walking alone one night, Minou is accosted by a weirdo who tells her Peter is, in fact, a murderer. She pays this insanity no mind, but soon the evidence appears to back up the stranger’s claims, and Minou finds herself tumbling into an ever deeper abyss of blackmail at the hands of the devious (and horny) creeper. Will Minou be able to regain a semblance of a normal life and escape this ordeal with her sanity intact or will she be destroyed by the blackmailer’s game? The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion appears to be a giallo, but honestly it isn’t; no black gloved killer appears…hell, no murder appears in the film at all…but what the film is is a mystery with giallo window dressing. Director Luciano Ercoli has infused the piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Waterworld (1995)

In the future (or like next Tuesday the way shit is going) the polar ice caps have melted flooding the planet. Folks now live on floating islands of scrap called atolls and hold a belief that a mythical “Dryland” must exist out there…somewhere. Enter The Mariner (Kevin Costner); a dirt trader (yeah…dirt is a commodity because…water reasons…) and gill havin’ mutant to the atoll. Very, very long story short; pirates lead by Deacon (Dennis Hopper) invade the atoll looking to kidnap a girl named Enola (Tina Majorino) who just so happens to have a map to Dryland tattooed on her back, and it’s up to Mariner to protect her while hopefully leading the remnants of humanity to Dryland. I’m not going to tell you that Waterworld is a perfect film; it’s bloated as all fuck, is obviously a vanity project for Costner, and is derivative of the Mad Max franchise to the point of distraction…it also isn’t the Kong-sized piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Date from Hell (2018)

You know how I do the ol’ “Once in a blue moon, a horror short comes along that really tickles the ol’ preternatural pickle…” routine, then I lay my award losing “This ain’t it” punchline in there to thunderous (or is that nonexistent…) applause? Well, this ain’t that! Date From Hell weaves a terror tale of two mismatched lovers; the meek Bobby (Samuel Brett Howard), and the manipulative Susie (Ava L’Amoreaux). these two get into a bit of a lovers spat before engaging in some rather strange date night rituals…but things are soon complicated by the arrival of a third wheel…and a potentially psychotic one at that. I can’t say more without givin’ away the entire thing…but let’s just say this fright flick goes in some deviously delightful and unexpected directions boys n’ ghouls! Written (along with Co-Writer/Producer Tracee Beebe) and Directed by Ven Scott (who in turn is the vocalist for metal band Runescarred…and you know how we love

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Maniac (1980): 3 – Disc Limited Edition

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Having A Drink In Style! Product Review For TOAST’s Pint Sleeves

Just because the holidays have passed does not mean you can’t spoil yourself or someone else with a treat or two. I was able to get the opportunity to try out a unique product that has me raising a glass…or two…or three… All jokes aside, meet the awesome folks at TOAST, they make handcrafted covers/cases for phones, laptops, and game systems out of wood or leather! When I say covers/cases out of wood, I mean REAL wood, cool right?! Don’t believe me? Norman Reedus has one of their covers for his iPhone 4 (made of walnut with a skull and crossbones design on it). I was lucky enough to be allowed to try out one of their products, a leather sleeve meant for a pint glass. The sleeve comes in a variety of colors (named after drinks), I got mine in “scotch” (brown), and if you want, you can have a design or text laser-etched on the leather, I chose

Continue reading →
Capt McNeely
Dec 26, 2018

More from #review

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Howling III (1987)

Anthropologist Harry Beckmeyer (Barry Otto) witnesses some old-ass footage that purportedly shows a werewolf, and hears of a lycanthrope on the prowl in Siberia, so does what any rational human being would do; contacts the President of the United States and warns him of a worldwide werewolf epidemic. Spoiler: Prez blows that shit off. Wonder why? Meanwhile, comely marsupial werewolf Jerboa (Imogen Annesley) has fled from her abusive home and has been discovered living on the streets by Donny Martin (Leigh Biolos) who gets her a gig starring in the fright flick ‘Shape Shifters Part 8′. Jerboa reveals she is a real life werewolf, but Donny being the typical red-blooded male fucks her anyway…I mean, it’s only half bestiality, so it’s all good, right bro? (shudder) Soon Jerboa’s estranged family come a-lookin’ for her, and Beckmeyer crosses their path…and falls in love with a werewolf ballerina…and then ancient phantom werewolves are summoned…and there’s an award show…and a baby werewolf…and…and…ME FUCKIN’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 13, 2019
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Dry Blood (2017)

Brian Barnes (Clint Carney, who also wrote the film) is a major league fuck-up. He’s pissed his life away with drugs n’ drink…and now he’s decided to retreat to a remote cabin (always a shit-hot idea in a fright flick) to try and dry his ass out with the help of his pal Anna (Jaymie Valentine). Complicating matters is the constant intrusion of a local sheriff (Kelton Jones, who directed the film as well), and some pesky, and sanity threatening, hallucinations and ghosts that may just reduce Barnes to a quivering mass of jelly before the yarn unspools! Oh Dry Blood, you magnificent, wildly uneven, bastard. For the first half of this film, you will doubtless ask yourself “Why on Earth am I trudging through this nonsense?” Scenes go on forever, Carney is a rather unlikable lead, and Valentine…well, let’s just be charitable and say her acting (and wig???) leave a shit-ton to be desired (though after the picture ends

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 11, 2019
Horror Fuel

Sinister Shorts Featuring: Slash (2018), Stay Quiet (2018), and Innards (2014)

With the new year comes a veritable ass-load of short fright flicks that fine fiends have asked me to lay my putrid peepers upon (or like three…but one man’s small amount is another man’s ass-load I never say…). So without further ado, here comes some bite-sized revoltin’ reviews! Slash (2018): Callum (Michael Mowen) is just tryin’ to enjoy a sinister slasher pic, but his gal pal Sydney (Chloe Carroll…who also produced the film) is riding his ass like a cheap suit calling out every beloved stalk n’ slay trope and giving it a savage roasting that will have you wishing ol’ C-dawg would throw her out on her ear. Of course soon the tables turn, and Sydney finds herself in just the situation she so mercilessly took jabs at, but will she fare any better than the characters on the silver screen? Running at a brief eight minutes and change, Slash is a great skewering of that one mother fucker

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 8, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Willie Dynamite (1974)

Willie Dynamite (Roscoe Orman…who you may know as Gordon from Sesame Street) cruises the streets in a lavender automobile roughly the size of a small continent while wearing a lampshade as a hat (go ahead and convince me otherwise) as his theme song plays (Willie! Oh, Willie D.!!) before collecting a hefty sum for the snapper he sold the local Shriner convention. But as fate would have it, pimpin’ ain’t easy, and Willie must contend with a late trick…and not a top earner as well. At least he can rely on the camaraderie of his pimp peers…peers who take the advice of Bell (Roger Robinson in a performance so flamboyant it would make Elton John blush) and decide to play the game in delineated territories in order to maximize profits and stay ahead of the law…a plan that goes over like a fart in a submarine to enterprisin’ Willie D. Before long, our hero has to deal with the ever-growing

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Bloody Birthday (1981)

In 1970, three children were born during an eclipse (presented in the cheapest way imaginable, and a real treat for those of you that dig on still photos of a solar eclipse and V.O. exposition…). Flash forward ten years, and these hellions (played by Elizabeth Hoy, Billy Jayne, and Andrew Freeman respectively) are making 1980 a real shitty year for their suburban neighborhood. Engaging in everything from spying on Julie Brown (Earth Girls Are Easy variety, not ‘Downtown’…) dancing around naked, to locking other kids in abandoned refrigerators, to straight up murder (victims include, but are not limited to: their parents, teachers, and rando horny teens). Soon it’s up to Timmy (K.C. Martel) and his sister Joyce (Lori Lethin) to try and put an end to these tiny terrors armed only with astrology (?!!) and their wits…my money’s on the killer kids… The first thing that will doubtless pop into your fevered lil’ brains as you watch Bloody Birthday is

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jan 4, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Lonely (and rich) housewife Minou (Dagmar Lassander) spends her time pining for the affection of her husband Peter (Pier Paolo Capponi) who is never around. While walking alone one night, Minou is accosted by a weirdo who tells her Peter is, in fact, a murderer. She pays this insanity no mind, but soon the evidence appears to back up the stranger’s claims, and Minou finds herself tumbling into an ever deeper abyss of blackmail at the hands of the devious (and horny) creeper. Will Minou be able to regain a semblance of a normal life and escape this ordeal with her sanity intact or will she be destroyed by the blackmailer’s game? The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion appears to be a giallo, but honestly it isn’t; no black gloved killer appears…hell, no murder appears in the film at all…but what the film is is a mystery with giallo window dressing. Director Luciano Ercoli has infused the piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Waterworld (1995)

In the future (or like next Tuesday the way shit is going) the polar ice caps have melted flooding the planet. Folks now live on floating islands of scrap called atolls and hold a belief that a mythical “Dryland” must exist out there…somewhere. Enter The Mariner (Kevin Costner); a dirt trader (yeah…dirt is a commodity because…water reasons…) and gill havin’ mutant to the atoll. Very, very long story short; pirates lead by Deacon (Dennis Hopper) invade the atoll looking to kidnap a girl named Enola (Tina Majorino) who just so happens to have a map to Dryland tattooed on her back, and it’s up to Mariner to protect her while hopefully leading the remnants of humanity to Dryland. I’m not going to tell you that Waterworld is a perfect film; it’s bloated as all fuck, is obviously a vanity project for Costner, and is derivative of the Mad Max franchise to the point of distraction…it also isn’t the Kong-sized piece

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 30, 2018
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Date from Hell (2018)

You know how I do the ol’ “Once in a blue moon, a horror short comes along that really tickles the ol’ preternatural pickle…” routine, then I lay my award losing “This ain’t it” punchline in there to thunderous (or is that nonexistent…) applause? Well, this ain’t that! Date From Hell weaves a terror tale of two mismatched lovers; the meek Bobby (Samuel Brett Howard), and the manipulative Susie (Ava L’Amoreaux). these two get into a bit of a lovers spat before engaging in some rather strange date night rituals…but things are soon complicated by the arrival of a third wheel…and a potentially psychotic one at that. I can’t say more without givin’ away the entire thing…but let’s just say this fright flick goes in some deviously delightful and unexpected directions boys n’ ghouls! Written (along with Co-Writer/Producer Tracee Beebe) and Directed by Ven Scott (who in turn is the vocalist for metal band Runescarred…and you know how we love

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Maniac (1980): 3 – Disc Limited Edition

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 29, 2018
Horror Fuel

Having A Drink In Style! Product Review For TOAST’s Pint Sleeves

Just because the holidays have passed does not mean you can’t spoil yourself or someone else with a treat or two. I was able to get the opportunity to try out a unique product that has me raising a glass…or two…or three… All jokes aside, meet the awesome folks at TOAST, they make handcrafted covers/cases for phones, laptops, and game systems out of wood or leather! When I say covers/cases out of wood, I mean REAL wood, cool right?! Don’t believe me? Norman Reedus has one of their covers for his iPhone 4 (made of walnut with a skull and crossbones design on it). I was lucky enough to be allowed to try out one of their products, a leather sleeve meant for a pint glass. The sleeve comes in a variety of colors (named after drinks), I got mine in “scotch” (brown), and if you want, you can have a design or text laser-etched on the leather, I chose

Continue reading →
Capt McNeely
Dec 26, 2018
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