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DanXIII

1,294 stories

Movie Review: The Beach House (2019)

Emily and Randall, two outrageously attractive young people (portrayed by Liana Liberato and Noah Le Gros respectively) flee ye olde rat race to vacay at a beach house owned by Randall’s kith and kin. Sound relaxin’ amirite cats n’ creeps? Well it ain’t, because another couple, Jane (Maryanne Nagel) and Mitch (Jake Weber), have parked their asses there as well. Despite their gaps in age, the two couples shoot the shit, ingest some edibles… just normal gettin’ to know ya bullshit. Speaking of normal, nearly every event that happens after that point is decidedly not that thing, as a mysterious fog envelopes the island bringing with it rapidly mutating sea life, alien pods, and some good ol’ body horror; as those that breathe deep on the island begin to undergo unearthly transformations! The Beach House could best be described as Cronenberg by way of Lovecraft, but with a faux modern coat of paint. Now, let’s focus on that “faux” part

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DanXIII

Jul 6, 2020

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Useless Humans (2020)

You know what can fuck up a birthday party six ways to Sunday? If you said “aliens” you are both fuckin’ insane, and just the right kind of audience for the flick covered in today’s review; Useless Humans! As I mentioned above; it’s birthday time for our hapless hero Brian (Josh Zuckerman), and his bestest pals are throwing him a bash to celebrate turnin’ the big three oh! Drinkin’ and generally ass-foolery ensue until an alien antagonist crashes the shin-dig… and this creepy creature has one mood; completely pissed-off! Now instead of flip-cup and bong rips, it’s going to be a night of saving the fuckin’ world from a threat beyond the stars! Useless Humans has a lot going for it boils n’ ghouls! First of all, the ensemble cast assembled for this silly sci-fi fracas is top-notch; they’re funny, engaging, and they get you to care about their plight… which is good considering the craziness of their sitch! Speaking

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DanXIII

Jul 6, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Solid Metal Nightmares: The Films of Shinya Tsukamoto

Shinya Tsukamoto is one of cinema’s most daring auteurs, willing to tackle any number of dark subjects through a multitude of genres, and Arrow Video’s new box set; Solid Metal Nightmares: The Films of Shinya Tsukamoto will surely show you that in spades! Starting things off, Disc 1 (of 4 total) contains Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989), Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992), and The Adventure of Denchu-Kozo (1987). Tetsuo: The Iron Man features Tomorô Taguchi as a businessman that has the misfortune of committing vehicular homicide on the metal fetishist (Tsukamoto, who as you will see acts in nearly all of his films), a strange vagrant that is slowly becoming more machine than man… a condition he can spread like a disease as our hero soon comes to realize, as not only is he becoming a cyborg (complete with a whirling drill for a cock) but those around him are too… and they are out for his blood… or oil…

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DanXIII

Jul 2, 2020

MoviesReviewsThriller

Movie Review: Scarred (2016)

Lets cut right to the chase, and lay down the plot for ol’ Scarred in a nasty nutshell; masked lunatic Jonah has a wild hair up his arcane ass about killing the beautiful people… so naturally a gaggle of photogenic victims arrive on the scene to help ol’ Joltin J fill his kill card with the quickness! So right off the bat you just know what you’re in for with this fright flick; namely boobs and bloodshed… and indeed Scarred delivers on that front with ghoulish gusto… unfortunately the folks these sinister shenanigans happen to aren’t the most interesting or endearing protagonists out there in stalk n’ slay land, but they look good and do what’s required of them; namely be scared shitless and scream a lot (and that’s my way of saying the actors do their best with the material given). Who is interesting however is Jonah, our masked maniac of the hour; who comes complete with a tragic

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DanXIII

Jun 27, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Inferno of Torture (1969)

In nineteenth century Japan, Yumi (Yumika Katayama) is balls deep in trouble with a capital “T” and that stands for “loan shark”. Okay, it doesn’t, but a loan shark is on her ass for debts owed. To that end she accepts a job as a geisha… or so she thinks, as it soon becomes obvious she’s workin’ the ass trade. Yumi ain’t exactly wild about that fact, but in her position she doesn’t have much of a choice. Another thing she has no say in is the tattooing her madam, Otatsu (Mieko Fujimoto), forces the women in her employ to get to appear more exotic to the high paying Caucasian clientele. Said tattooing is administered by Horihide (Teruo Yoshida), whom Yumi develops a relationship with much to Otatsu’s chagrin. This makes Yumi’s life even more of a living hell, as does the arrival of a rival tattooist that wants to make her body his canvas! Directed by Teruo Ishii, Inferno

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2020

ForeignMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Mad Fox (1962)

Down Medieval Kyoto way, the skies are ablaze with a fucked-up, ill-omen, phenomenon… a phenomenon that sets the royal palace on it’s collective, superstitious, arse. To that end, the Court Astrologer, Yasunori, is summoned to the palace, but as he journeys forth, he gets himself an incurable case of the murders. Come to find out, Yasunori’s wife is a bit of a black widow, and now that her hubby is tits up, she can focus on her paramour Doman (Shinji Amano). And since the deadly duo seem to have a knack for bumpin’ folks off, they also kill Yasunori’s adopted daughter for shits n’ grins. Fortunately, her main-squeeze Yasuna (Hashizô Ôkawa) escapes their evil clutches… but he’s half-way to Crazy Town when he’s waylayed by bandits. Naturally he’s rescued by masked fox spirits, as is so often the case, and his destiny will never be the same! The Mad Fox is a delirious hodge-podge of kabuki theater, stagey sets, period

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2020

BooksNews

Beyond the Book: Out of Print Launches Stephen King T-shirt Collection!

Hey cats n’ creeps; feast your eerie eyeballs on this terror tidbit of horror news: Out of Print has launched their Stephen King Collection T-shirt collection featuring artwork made famous on the covers of the novels; The Stand, It, Pet Sematary and The Shining! The best part about purchasing these killer clothes is that Out of Print has a one-for-one charitable segment: each purchase helps to fund literacy programs and book donations to communities in need! Now let’s take a gander at those devilish designs! Sweet, right?!! But I know you lot want to know how these things would fit in person… and you’re in luck because Out of Print sent me a sample of these beastly babies; and let me tell ya, these are high quality, soft as hell (which is surprisingly comfy, take my word for it… ), and absolutely guaranteed to have every horror hounds putrid peepers aimed die-rectly at ya! See, they go with anything! Here’s

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DanXIII

Jun 23, 2020

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Aquaslash (2019)

Man, the student body of Valley Hill High have it made, what with throwin’ a bash at Wet Valley, a nearby water park. Sure the park is way past it’s prime; but it still manages to serve as a spot where water slides and coke (snorted off a girl’s rockin’ rack no less) can be enjoyed in equal measure! Of course there’s a bit more to the plot including a love triangle involvin’ Tommy (Paul Zinno), Kim (Lanisa Dawn) and Josh (Nicolas Fontaine)… who’s pappy just so happens to be gettin’ horizontal with the wife of the owner of Wet Valley. Oh, there’s also a maniac puttin’ the murder biz on our hapless heroes via sabotaging the slides and turning them into more of a death trap than they were to begin with… See how it took me a long-ass time to get to the slasher shit? Well, buckle up because Aquaslash takes longer to get where it’s going than

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DanXIII

Jun 22, 2020

ForeignMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: Satan’s Slave (1982)

So the basics of Satan’s Slave are as follows: Mawarti (Diana Suarkom) kicks the bucket leaving behind her son Tomi (Fachrul Rozy), her daughter Rita (Siska Widowati), and her asthmatic servant Mr. Karto (I.M. Damsyik)… as well as her business obsessed hubby Munarto (W.D. Mochtar). That’s all fine and dandy, if a touch sad, but what really kicks things off is that Tomi keeps seeing mommy dearest walkin’ around in ghost form, which leads to a visit to the local fortune teller who explains he needs to get some black magic in his life fuckin’ pronto if he wants to survive the supernatural shenanigans to come. As if on cue the new housekeeper, Darminah (Ruth Pelupessy), arrives on the scene and man-o-man is she ever one shady character. Before long folks start dyin’, the dead rise and walk the earth, and our heroes are going to need every arcane art and holy text offered to them to survive the outre

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DanXIII

Jun 20, 2020

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Short Film Review: The Drawing (2020)

A tortured artist (Christian Grose) has a real wild hair up his ass about a cloaked figure that keeps showing up in his drawings… even if he didn’t actually draw the entity with his putrid pencil. As the night goes on, that cloaked sumbitch proves he isn’t a mere eerie etching, and our hero won’t be able to just erase the darkness as he does in his scary sketchbook! Running a brief six minutes, this sinister short manages to set up a great lil’ conceit, namely; the artist that brings evil to life through his art… which has a true classical feel in my not so humble opinion. This gives the piece a nice sense of mythology, which sets off the joltin’ jump scares (that actually work) and gives everything a sense of depth… no easy feat given the runtime! All in all writer/director Dominic Grose (aided and abetted by the arcane artwork of Deidre Hume) has crafted a nice

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DanXIII

Jun 19, 2020

DanXIII

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