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DanXIII

1,294 stories
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Woman (2011)

Chris Cleek (Sean Bridgers) has the goddamned life what with being a successful lawyer and family man and all… but one bad decision could bring all that to a full fuckin’ stop believe you me! What sort of decision would that be I can just hear you lot ask with baited breath? Well, let me tell you; taking home a near-feral woman (Pollyanna McIntosh) that you discovered on a hunting trip and imprisoning her in your cellar in an attempt to make her civilized would definitely fit the bill… and that’s exactly what Chris does. To his credit, he tells his family of his intentions… much to the chagrin of his wife Belle (Angela Bettis)… but his methods to break her will are a tad (read: absolutely fuckin’ off-the-charts) misogynistic and oh-so-very wrong as-all-fuck. As you can imagine “the woman” doesn’t cotton to this for the long term and soon she begins to fight back against her forced “training”… and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Celebrity Crush (2019)

Man, ol’ John Blakely (Oliver Robins of Poltergeist fame… who incidentally directed and wrote this here bad bitch) has it tough as he has to live life being well-known for starring in a stalk n’ slay flick, Chain Face Clown by name, as a terror tyke, being asked to sign things like blu-rays and such, and using his fame to try and use his celeb status to get hot n’ horny with the dames. Well, that last one kinda backfires when Johnny B. does the sexual fuckings with Emily (Alissa Schneider) who turns out to be his greatest fan… and by “greatest” I mean “murderously obsessive“. This equals some really fuckin’ bad news for anyone that attempts to get in the way of the imaginary thing she and J-Dawg have percolatin’, and will make it a tad dicey for our hero to (attempt) escape from the clutches of this lascivious lunatic! The monstrous meat and putrid potatoes of Celebrity Crush

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 30, 2020
Horror Fuel

The Fear Crypt Premiere of Horror Short FEED Arrives on 06/02!

Guess what boils n’ ghouls? Good ol’ Fear Crypt has acquired the non exclusive YouTube streaming rights to the short horror film Feed; which will have it’s premiere on 06/02. Why should you give a fearsome fuck about that? Well, Feed is described by it’s creators thusly: “Feed (directed by Will Lee) is a film born out of a simple goal: to create a classic horror moment. We felt drawn to slashers and creature features that had those iconic opening scenes where you catch a glimpse of what’s to come. Aesthetics and themes from movies like The Ring (2002) and Pulse (2001) were huge influences. We wanted to capture the dread of the paranormal while staying rooted in a single location. Sounds creepy cool A.F. to me! Set your eerie eyeballs here to be among the first to catch Feed on it’s Fear Crypt premiere comin’ your wicked way on 06/02!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Outback (2019)

Look man, Australia is hot as all fuck, and full of animals that doubtless would enjoy eating your freakin’ face off. Into that paradise strides Americans Lisa (Lauren Lofsberg) and Wade (Tyler Wiese), two lovebirds on the skids to partake on what was supposed to be a romantic getaway, but is instead a strained mess thanks to Lisa turning down Wade’s marriage proposal at the airport at journey’s start. Speaking of personal problems, soon our in-way-over-their-heads heroes are stranded in the vastness of the Outback (home to venomous snakes, scorpions, and some sky-high temperatures… all of which the duo must face) where the survival of their asses supersedes the survival of their relationship… which is hard to maintain once you are dead. Co-writer (along with Brien Kelly)/director Mike Green deliver a taut, suspenseful narrative (based on an urban legend no less) with Outback that’s impressive both in it’s presentation of the Outback as a malevolent character in and of itself…

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Beyond the Door (1974)

Five minutes into Beyond the Door you get narration from ol’ Satan himself, Jesus with tits n’ bush, a basic premise that manages to combine The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby, a funk song about the devil (which the musicians are told isn’t as good as their fap sessions), and a kid drinking mother fuckin’ Campbell’s soup straight from the mother fuckin’ can like a mother fuckin’ boss. I feel like “5 skulling” this bad bitch right here and now, but there is so very, very much more… Anyhow, Jessica (Juliet Mills) and her music producer beau Robert (Gabriele Lavia)… a man that loves reading about fish fucking and whom the children lovingly refer to as “asshole”… have found themselves with a new baby on the way, even though Jess is on the pill. Speaking of that finicky fetus, it’s growing at an accelerated rate and Jess is lossing her ever-lovin’ mind in various and sundry violent ways! Meanwhile that soup

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Leaves (2020)

A young couple moves into a house as suspended autumnal leaves hang in the air… and let me tell you cats n’ creeps, that is but one odd occurrence that’ll be plaguing these folks in the immediate future. Add to the mix a set of neighbors that definitely know there is some sort of shocking secrets within those wicked walls, a set of glowing eyes, a bizarre board game that reveals intimate details of the player’s lives… so yeah, odd to say the least… It’s that strangeness that runs throughout writer/director Matt Rasmussen’s The Leaves that makes this sinister short a wicked winner! Everything from the dialog, to the acting, to the narrative plays out like a fever dream. Hostilities rise and the possibility of other existences are explored while characters deliver lines that seem weighted with an arcane knowledge we as the viewer do not possess. All of the above gives the entire affair a style and flavor all

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Disco Graveyard (2020)

The one and only Izzy Lee (Innsmouth) is back with her latest short film Disco Graveyard; a stock footage soiree swan diving into a fever dream! Created in a punk rock, found art style, Disco Graveyard could be boiled down as such; it’s a commencement speech intended for the Children of the Damned. As each carefully selected image flashes before our putrid peepers, it is Izzy herself (if you’re keeping score at home; Lee wrote, directed, produced, and stars in this flick) that delivers strangely comforting platitudes (for example: “Don’t be dead, the dead are dumb. Be weird”) that espouse how it is a good thing to be a complete weirdo (a parable your’s cruelly surely takes to my lil’ ol’ black heart). Also on hand is an excellent score by Lee’s long-time composer Shayne Gryn, and some impressive editing courtesy of Michael J. Epstein (Blood of the Tribades). To sum it up, these are the words of wisdom folks

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Escape From L.A. (1996)

After rescuing the prez from the penal colony of New York city in John Carpenter’s 1981 masterpiece Escape From New York, grizzled anti-hero Snake Plissken (a returning Kurt Russell) finds himself on the opposite end of the nation in the fantastic future year of 2013. Of course shit has truly hit the fan in the West as well, and Snake finds himself on another suicide mission, this time involving the retrieval of a doomsday device stolen by the President’s unhinged daughter, Utopia (A.J. Langer), from deep within the bowels of L.A., which has become the new home for anyone the prez deems immoral. Before long S.P. is B.D. in maniacs, madmen, and other assorted lunatics united under the rule of revolutionary nut-job Cuervo Jones (George Corraface) who just so happens to have shacked up with Utopia! Now all Plissken has to do is stay alive, retrieve the device, and do it in a timely fashion before the disease the powers

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
Horror Fuel

Maniac (1980) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Zombie (1979) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Lucio Fulci’s seminal gut-muncher Zombie (or Zombi 2 as it is sometimes known, as in Italy it was released as a sequel to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, which is known there as Zombi…confused yet boils n’ ghouls?!!) has always been a favorite of your’s cruelly, and before we even get into the review proper I will whole-heartedly state that every horror hound, zombie lover, and gore aficionado should have this fright flick in their creepy collection…no excuses! For those unfamiliar with the film, the plot goes like this; Journalist Peter West (Ian McCulloch) is called on to investigate a strange ship that drifted into the waters outside of Manhattan…a ship that seemingly contained flesh hungry zombies! Before long, Peter is joined by Anne Bowles (Tisa Farrow), the daughter of the boat’s owner, and the duo make for the Caribbean to investigate just what in the hell happened to Anne’s father. Once there our heroes hook up with Brian Hull

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Woman (2011)

Chris Cleek (Sean Bridgers) has the goddamned life what with being a successful lawyer and family man and all… but one bad decision could bring all that to a full fuckin’ stop believe you me! What sort of decision would that be I can just hear you lot ask with baited breath? Well, let me tell you; taking home a near-feral woman (Pollyanna McIntosh) that you discovered on a hunting trip and imprisoning her in your cellar in an attempt to make her civilized would definitely fit the bill… and that’s exactly what Chris does. To his credit, he tells his family of his intentions… much to the chagrin of his wife Belle (Angela Bettis)… but his methods to break her will are a tad (read: absolutely fuckin’ off-the-charts) misogynistic and oh-so-very wrong as-all-fuck. As you can imagine “the woman” doesn’t cotton to this for the long term and soon she begins to fight back against her forced “training”… and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Celebrity Crush (2019)

Man, ol’ John Blakely (Oliver Robins of Poltergeist fame… who incidentally directed and wrote this here bad bitch) has it tough as he has to live life being well-known for starring in a stalk n’ slay flick, Chain Face Clown by name, as a terror tyke, being asked to sign things like blu-rays and such, and using his fame to try and use his celeb status to get hot n’ horny with the dames. Well, that last one kinda backfires when Johnny B. does the sexual fuckings with Emily (Alissa Schneider) who turns out to be his greatest fan… and by “greatest” I mean “murderously obsessive“. This equals some really fuckin’ bad news for anyone that attempts to get in the way of the imaginary thing she and J-Dawg have percolatin’, and will make it a tad dicey for our hero to (attempt) escape from the clutches of this lascivious lunatic! The monstrous meat and putrid potatoes of Celebrity Crush

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 30, 2020
Horror Fuel

The Fear Crypt Premiere of Horror Short FEED Arrives on 06/02!

Guess what boils n’ ghouls? Good ol’ Fear Crypt has acquired the non exclusive YouTube streaming rights to the short horror film Feed; which will have it’s premiere on 06/02. Why should you give a fearsome fuck about that? Well, Feed is described by it’s creators thusly: “Feed (directed by Will Lee) is a film born out of a simple goal: to create a classic horror moment. We felt drawn to slashers and creature features that had those iconic opening scenes where you catch a glimpse of what’s to come. Aesthetics and themes from movies like The Ring (2002) and Pulse (2001) were huge influences. We wanted to capture the dread of the paranormal while staying rooted in a single location. Sounds creepy cool A.F. to me! Set your eerie eyeballs here to be among the first to catch Feed on it’s Fear Crypt premiere comin’ your wicked way on 06/02!

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Outback (2019)

Look man, Australia is hot as all fuck, and full of animals that doubtless would enjoy eating your freakin’ face off. Into that paradise strides Americans Lisa (Lauren Lofsberg) and Wade (Tyler Wiese), two lovebirds on the skids to partake on what was supposed to be a romantic getaway, but is instead a strained mess thanks to Lisa turning down Wade’s marriage proposal at the airport at journey’s start. Speaking of personal problems, soon our in-way-over-their-heads heroes are stranded in the vastness of the Outback (home to venomous snakes, scorpions, and some sky-high temperatures… all of which the duo must face) where the survival of their asses supersedes the survival of their relationship… which is hard to maintain once you are dead. Co-writer (along with Brien Kelly)/director Mike Green deliver a taut, suspenseful narrative (based on an urban legend no less) with Outback that’s impressive both in it’s presentation of the Outback as a malevolent character in and of itself…

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 29, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Beyond the Door (1974)

Five minutes into Beyond the Door you get narration from ol’ Satan himself, Jesus with tits n’ bush, a basic premise that manages to combine The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby, a funk song about the devil (which the musicians are told isn’t as good as their fap sessions), and a kid drinking mother fuckin’ Campbell’s soup straight from the mother fuckin’ can like a mother fuckin’ boss. I feel like “5 skulling” this bad bitch right here and now, but there is so very, very much more… Anyhow, Jessica (Juliet Mills) and her music producer beau Robert (Gabriele Lavia)… a man that loves reading about fish fucking and whom the children lovingly refer to as “asshole”… have found themselves with a new baby on the way, even though Jess is on the pill. Speaking of that finicky fetus, it’s growing at an accelerated rate and Jess is lossing her ever-lovin’ mind in various and sundry violent ways! Meanwhile that soup

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Leaves (2020)

A young couple moves into a house as suspended autumnal leaves hang in the air… and let me tell you cats n’ creeps, that is but one odd occurrence that’ll be plaguing these folks in the immediate future. Add to the mix a set of neighbors that definitely know there is some sort of shocking secrets within those wicked walls, a set of glowing eyes, a bizarre board game that reveals intimate details of the player’s lives… so yeah, odd to say the least… It’s that strangeness that runs throughout writer/director Matt Rasmussen’s The Leaves that makes this sinister short a wicked winner! Everything from the dialog, to the acting, to the narrative plays out like a fever dream. Hostilities rise and the possibility of other existences are explored while characters deliver lines that seem weighted with an arcane knowledge we as the viewer do not possess. All of the above gives the entire affair a style and flavor all

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Disco Graveyard (2020)

The one and only Izzy Lee (Innsmouth) is back with her latest short film Disco Graveyard; a stock footage soiree swan diving into a fever dream! Created in a punk rock, found art style, Disco Graveyard could be boiled down as such; it’s a commencement speech intended for the Children of the Damned. As each carefully selected image flashes before our putrid peepers, it is Izzy herself (if you’re keeping score at home; Lee wrote, directed, produced, and stars in this flick) that delivers strangely comforting platitudes (for example: “Don’t be dead, the dead are dumb. Be weird”) that espouse how it is a good thing to be a complete weirdo (a parable your’s cruelly surely takes to my lil’ ol’ black heart). Also on hand is an excellent score by Lee’s long-time composer Shayne Gryn, and some impressive editing courtesy of Michael J. Epstein (Blood of the Tribades). To sum it up, these are the words of wisdom folks

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Escape From L.A. (1996)

After rescuing the prez from the penal colony of New York city in John Carpenter’s 1981 masterpiece Escape From New York, grizzled anti-hero Snake Plissken (a returning Kurt Russell) finds himself on the opposite end of the nation in the fantastic future year of 2013. Of course shit has truly hit the fan in the West as well, and Snake finds himself on another suicide mission, this time involving the retrieval of a doomsday device stolen by the President’s unhinged daughter, Utopia (A.J. Langer), from deep within the bowels of L.A., which has become the new home for anyone the prez deems immoral. Before long S.P. is B.D. in maniacs, madmen, and other assorted lunatics united under the rule of revolutionary nut-job Cuervo Jones (George Corraface) who just so happens to have shacked up with Utopia! Now all Plissken has to do is stay alive, retrieve the device, and do it in a timely fashion before the disease the powers

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
Horror Fuel

Maniac (1980) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Zombie (1979) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Lucio Fulci’s seminal gut-muncher Zombie (or Zombi 2 as it is sometimes known, as in Italy it was released as a sequel to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, which is known there as Zombi…confused yet boils n’ ghouls?!!) has always been a favorite of your’s cruelly, and before we even get into the review proper I will whole-heartedly state that every horror hound, zombie lover, and gore aficionado should have this fright flick in their creepy collection…no excuses! For those unfamiliar with the film, the plot goes like this; Journalist Peter West (Ian McCulloch) is called on to investigate a strange ship that drifted into the waters outside of Manhattan…a ship that seemingly contained flesh hungry zombies! Before long, Peter is joined by Anne Bowles (Tisa Farrow), the daughter of the boat’s owner, and the duo make for the Caribbean to investigate just what in the hell happened to Anne’s father. Once there our heroes hook up with Brian Hull

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020
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