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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Madness Within (2019)

Russ Washington (played by the film’s writer/director Hunter G. Williams) is a successful dude who has it all… including a truly fucked-up dark side that often causes him to be balls deep in sex and drugs, and not in the fun way… plus he’s a prize-winning dick on top of it. All of this begins having a major effect on his relationships and ability to function within the web of lies he’s spun and he soon begins a downward spiral that leads him to the titular “madness within”. Will Russ get his shit together, or will these personal demons lead him further into his psychotic ways? The Madness Within has some major things going in it’s favor. Firstly, triple threat Williams is a solid and engaging actor that gets you to actually care about Russ, no matter how deplorable his actions become… and that’s no small feat! Speaking of Williams, the dude knows how to make a shot, that’s for

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Incantation (2018)

Lucy (Sam Valentine) schleps to France for the funeral of an uncle she’s never even laid eyeballs upon. Once there she doesn’t meet any family, but rather the creepy-ass and pissy Vicar of Borley (Jude S. Walko) provides her “greeting”… and by “greeting” I really mean “list of strict as balls rules to follow during her stay”. Speaking of family, after that funeral mentioned up yonder, our heroine starts gettin’ chumy with the local gravedigger, J.P. (Dylan Kellogg), who tells her of her family’s rather unsavory history which results in Sam beginning to loose her ever-lovin’ fucking mind as she experiences strange dreams and hallucinations. Now is this a growing evil presence, or has Sammy gone looney fuckin’ tunes. Dean Cain ensues. The Incantation, if you haven’t guessed by now, has it’s essence entrenched in full on Gothic thriller territory; you get the secluded location populated by a young woman with no idea of the dark secrets that hide in

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Clinton Road (2019)

Poor Mike (Ace Young); his wife Jessica (Sarah Pribis), has pulled ye olde vanishing act somewhere in the vicinity of Clinton Road, New Jersey, U.S. of mother fuckin’ A.! Well the only thing to do is gather up some comrades… in this case Sarah’s sister Isabella (Katie Morrison), Michael’s new girlfriend Kayla (Lauren LaVera), their friend Gianna (Erin O’Brien) and her psychic boyfriend Begory (Cabin Fever‘s James DeBello), and the voice of cynicism that is oft-required in supernatural tales, Mikey’s buddy Tyler (Cody Calafiore)… and head down to Clinton road and solve that mystery once-and-mother fuckin’-for-all! Of course this leads to plenty of horror biz cliches including sex in the woods, strange noises that cause the group to separate to investigate, and even that hoary ol’ chestnut; “the creepy forest ranger” (Carlos Leon)… and don’t forget the ghosts! And it’s that familiarity that leads to some of this pictures biggest faults. There is absolutely nothing in Clinton Road that horror

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Lake Artifact (2019)

Four friends, Kip (Chris Cimperman), Megan (Anna Shields), Grace (Catharine Daddario) and Tommy (Thomas Brazzle), decide to get away from the ol’ rat race and hoof it to one of those secluded cabins (this one located in upstate New York) we all know and love, with the idea of guzzlin’ booze being of the upmost importance. But that plan goes to shit right quick as their car breaks down en route… but a chance meeting with a bizarre drifter named Thomas (Dylan Grunn) results in their car getting fixed, and the trip resumes with Thomas now in tow… and we are off to the races cats n’ creeps! After some good ol’ drunken antics, a photo of the group turns up… but no one knows where it came from, or who took it as everyone present is in the picture… and soon more strange pictures of the group appear… as does an old man (John Willoughby Noble) who claims to

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Devil’s Junction: Handy Dandy’s Revenge (2019)

Richie-rich Steffen (Jake Red) gets the shit-hot idea to take his pals Doc (Danni Spring), Abby (Cody Renee Cameron), Rosie (Kyle Anderson), Rick (Arhtur Marroquin), and Josie (KateLynn E. Newberry) on a whistle-stop tour tour through a junky A.F. TV studio his pappy, Richard (the legendary Bill Moseley of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Devil’s Rejects fame), has just bought lock, stock, and beastly barrel (with the idea of turning it into a fancy-ass nightclub). As fate and horror biz tropes would have it, that studio has one of those dark pasts that are so popular with the kids these days, as it once was the home to ventriloquist Mr. Jolly (the equally legendary Bill Oberst Jr. who has starred in a literal shit-ton of fright flicks, and was recently seen in Rob Zombie’s 3 From Hell), his dummy Handy Dandy (Jake LaMarca on vocal duties), and their children’s program… a program who’s prepubescent studio audience keeps turning up

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Wind (1986)

Super-horny famous novelist Sian Anderson (genre legend Meg Foster, she of Carpenter’s They Live, and Masters of the Universe to name but two) is ready to wing her way to Greece to finish her latest murder mystery novel. Once there she is shown her lodgings by pompous British windbag Elias Appleby (portrayed by a scene stealing Robert Morley), warned of the islands wind situation (spoiler: It ain’t great), and introduced to the villas deranged handyman Phil (portrayed by an equally scene stealing Wings Hauser). So, long story short; our heroine witnesses Phil possibly putting a murder on Appleby and soon she must not only deal with the forces of nature battering her left and right, but with ol’ Phil deciding to do a stalk n’ slay routine on her. Yeah, she’s not going to get much writing done… The Wind is a surprisingly fantastic entry in the rather over-crowded genre of ’80’s slasher flicks… and that has nothing to do

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 4, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Ouija Shark (2020)

Jill (Steph Goodwin) was all set for a day of waves and rays with her pals, but those mother fuckers were more ghost than Casper… who she could easily communicate with, because she finds a Ouija board while at the beach. Eventually her friends let her know they are in fact at a pool, where Jill brings the board… and with a strict “fuck you” they start using that beastly board, and as is so often the case, they summon a ghostly great white shark that begins eating them as it flies around the woods… you know, you mother fuckers would be surprised at the amount I whisper “What the fuck?” to myself at this job… Anyway, as you can tell, this production is ridiculous, it knows it is, and it manages to be damn entertaining to boot… not always the case in these “here’s a preposterous shark-centric idea, we can fill in the details later” productions that seem to

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 4, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: BloodTide (1982)

Ever go looking for your missing sister in Greece only to have your life fucked up six ways to Sunday by a sea monster that can only be appeased by the blood of virgins? Sure, we all have… and so has Neil (The Karate Kid‘s Martin Kove) who has come to that beautiful island along with his wife Sherry (Mary Louise Weller) to track down his sis Madeline (Deborah Shelton) who has pulled a vanishing act. Once there they encounter miserable ol’ bastard Nereus (José Ferrer), as well as treasure hunter Frye (the legendary James Earl Jones cuttin’ himself a big ol’ slice of ham), over-sexed space-case Barbara (Lydia Cornell who starred in the Cosmic Cow vehicle Too Close for Comfort on the ol’ boob tube)… and his sister (also a space case)… wait, that’s it, less than fifteen minutes in and it’s “mystery solved?” Obviously there’s more to this terror tale, and as you may have ascertained from my

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: White Fire (1984)

White Fire, or as I like to call it “What in the Fuck?!!“, is the tale of smart-ass brother and sister duo Bo (The Exterminator himself Robert Ginty) and Ingrid (Belinda Mayne)… and what a life they’ve had; to wit: They’ve seen their parents killed before their eyes thanks to some para-military thugs, become employees in a diamond mine who’s offices and administrative staff like they just tumbled out of the TV show V, and started a side-hustle as diamond thieves (beleaguered by Turkish criminals as is so often the case nowhere ever). Anyway, that last plot point only becomes more ludicrous when our heroes are privy to the discovery of the legendary white fire diamond, a preposterously sized gem that is so shit-hot it burns the flesh of any dumb ass who touches it… and after tragedy and a bar fight featuring roughly 4,567 mustaches, Bo sets out to pinch that rock pronto! Speaking of mustaches, Fred “The Hammer”

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Why Don’t You Just Die! (2018)

Matvey (Aleksander Kuznetsov) is dating aspiring actress Olya (Evgeniya Kregzhde), and holy fuck does she have some Kong-sized daddy issues… like she wants the Ben Grimm lookin’ mother fucker named Andrey (Vitaliy Khaev) to take a permanent dirt nap for the rather unpleasant crimes he allegedly committed against her when she was young. While the claims of Olya are suspect at best, ol’ Andrey is guilty of plenty of other crimes… crimes made easy given his status as a cop… a cop with an equally corrupt partner… and the duo have a wild hair up their collective asses about some dough they were screwed out of. So over comes ol’ Romeo Matvey with a hammer to kill Big A in his own apartment… small problem, Andrey is near indestructible, and Matvey seems to be as well… what follows is an explosive blast of cartoony, unbelievably violent, and oft times bloody confrontations within the small apartment that hasn’t been seen on

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 3, 2020

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Madness Within (2019)

Russ Washington (played by the film’s writer/director Hunter G. Williams) is a successful dude who has it all… including a truly fucked-up dark side that often causes him to be balls deep in sex and drugs, and not in the fun way… plus he’s a prize-winning dick on top of it. All of this begins having a major effect on his relationships and ability to function within the web of lies he’s spun and he soon begins a downward spiral that leads him to the titular “madness within”. Will Russ get his shit together, or will these personal demons lead him further into his psychotic ways? The Madness Within has some major things going in it’s favor. Firstly, triple threat Williams is a solid and engaging actor that gets you to actually care about Russ, no matter how deplorable his actions become… and that’s no small feat! Speaking of Williams, the dude knows how to make a shot, that’s for

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Incantation (2018)

Lucy (Sam Valentine) schleps to France for the funeral of an uncle she’s never even laid eyeballs upon. Once there she doesn’t meet any family, but rather the creepy-ass and pissy Vicar of Borley (Jude S. Walko) provides her “greeting”… and by “greeting” I really mean “list of strict as balls rules to follow during her stay”. Speaking of family, after that funeral mentioned up yonder, our heroine starts gettin’ chumy with the local gravedigger, J.P. (Dylan Kellogg), who tells her of her family’s rather unsavory history which results in Sam beginning to loose her ever-lovin’ fucking mind as she experiences strange dreams and hallucinations. Now is this a growing evil presence, or has Sammy gone looney fuckin’ tunes. Dean Cain ensues. The Incantation, if you haven’t guessed by now, has it’s essence entrenched in full on Gothic thriller territory; you get the secluded location populated by a young woman with no idea of the dark secrets that hide in

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Clinton Road (2019)

Poor Mike (Ace Young); his wife Jessica (Sarah Pribis), has pulled ye olde vanishing act somewhere in the vicinity of Clinton Road, New Jersey, U.S. of mother fuckin’ A.! Well the only thing to do is gather up some comrades… in this case Sarah’s sister Isabella (Katie Morrison), Michael’s new girlfriend Kayla (Lauren LaVera), their friend Gianna (Erin O’Brien) and her psychic boyfriend Begory (Cabin Fever‘s James DeBello), and the voice of cynicism that is oft-required in supernatural tales, Mikey’s buddy Tyler (Cody Calafiore)… and head down to Clinton road and solve that mystery once-and-mother fuckin’-for-all! Of course this leads to plenty of horror biz cliches including sex in the woods, strange noises that cause the group to separate to investigate, and even that hoary ol’ chestnut; “the creepy forest ranger” (Carlos Leon)… and don’t forget the ghosts! And it’s that familiarity that leads to some of this pictures biggest faults. There is absolutely nothing in Clinton Road that horror

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Lake Artifact (2019)

Four friends, Kip (Chris Cimperman), Megan (Anna Shields), Grace (Catharine Daddario) and Tommy (Thomas Brazzle), decide to get away from the ol’ rat race and hoof it to one of those secluded cabins (this one located in upstate New York) we all know and love, with the idea of guzzlin’ booze being of the upmost importance. But that plan goes to shit right quick as their car breaks down en route… but a chance meeting with a bizarre drifter named Thomas (Dylan Grunn) results in their car getting fixed, and the trip resumes with Thomas now in tow… and we are off to the races cats n’ creeps! After some good ol’ drunken antics, a photo of the group turns up… but no one knows where it came from, or who took it as everyone present is in the picture… and soon more strange pictures of the group appear… as does an old man (John Willoughby Noble) who claims to

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Devil’s Junction: Handy Dandy’s Revenge (2019)

Richie-rich Steffen (Jake Red) gets the shit-hot idea to take his pals Doc (Danni Spring), Abby (Cody Renee Cameron), Rosie (Kyle Anderson), Rick (Arhtur Marroquin), and Josie (KateLynn E. Newberry) on a whistle-stop tour tour through a junky A.F. TV studio his pappy, Richard (the legendary Bill Moseley of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Devil’s Rejects fame), has just bought lock, stock, and beastly barrel (with the idea of turning it into a fancy-ass nightclub). As fate and horror biz tropes would have it, that studio has one of those dark pasts that are so popular with the kids these days, as it once was the home to ventriloquist Mr. Jolly (the equally legendary Bill Oberst Jr. who has starred in a literal shit-ton of fright flicks, and was recently seen in Rob Zombie’s 3 From Hell), his dummy Handy Dandy (Jake LaMarca on vocal duties), and their children’s program… a program who’s prepubescent studio audience keeps turning up

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 6, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Wind (1986)

Super-horny famous novelist Sian Anderson (genre legend Meg Foster, she of Carpenter’s They Live, and Masters of the Universe to name but two) is ready to wing her way to Greece to finish her latest murder mystery novel. Once there she is shown her lodgings by pompous British windbag Elias Appleby (portrayed by a scene stealing Robert Morley), warned of the islands wind situation (spoiler: It ain’t great), and introduced to the villas deranged handyman Phil (portrayed by an equally scene stealing Wings Hauser). So, long story short; our heroine witnesses Phil possibly putting a murder on Appleby and soon she must not only deal with the forces of nature battering her left and right, but with ol’ Phil deciding to do a stalk n’ slay routine on her. Yeah, she’s not going to get much writing done… The Wind is a surprisingly fantastic entry in the rather over-crowded genre of ’80’s slasher flicks… and that has nothing to do

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 4, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Ouija Shark (2020)

Jill (Steph Goodwin) was all set for a day of waves and rays with her pals, but those mother fuckers were more ghost than Casper… who she could easily communicate with, because she finds a Ouija board while at the beach. Eventually her friends let her know they are in fact at a pool, where Jill brings the board… and with a strict “fuck you” they start using that beastly board, and as is so often the case, they summon a ghostly great white shark that begins eating them as it flies around the woods… you know, you mother fuckers would be surprised at the amount I whisper “What the fuck?” to myself at this job… Anyway, as you can tell, this production is ridiculous, it knows it is, and it manages to be damn entertaining to boot… not always the case in these “here’s a preposterous shark-centric idea, we can fill in the details later” productions that seem to

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 4, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: BloodTide (1982)

Ever go looking for your missing sister in Greece only to have your life fucked up six ways to Sunday by a sea monster that can only be appeased by the blood of virgins? Sure, we all have… and so has Neil (The Karate Kid‘s Martin Kove) who has come to that beautiful island along with his wife Sherry (Mary Louise Weller) to track down his sis Madeline (Deborah Shelton) who has pulled a vanishing act. Once there they encounter miserable ol’ bastard Nereus (José Ferrer), as well as treasure hunter Frye (the legendary James Earl Jones cuttin’ himself a big ol’ slice of ham), over-sexed space-case Barbara (Lydia Cornell who starred in the Cosmic Cow vehicle Too Close for Comfort on the ol’ boob tube)… and his sister (also a space case)… wait, that’s it, less than fifteen minutes in and it’s “mystery solved?” Obviously there’s more to this terror tale, and as you may have ascertained from my

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: White Fire (1984)

White Fire, or as I like to call it “What in the Fuck?!!“, is the tale of smart-ass brother and sister duo Bo (The Exterminator himself Robert Ginty) and Ingrid (Belinda Mayne)… and what a life they’ve had; to wit: They’ve seen their parents killed before their eyes thanks to some para-military thugs, become employees in a diamond mine who’s offices and administrative staff like they just tumbled out of the TV show V, and started a side-hustle as diamond thieves (beleaguered by Turkish criminals as is so often the case nowhere ever). Anyway, that last plot point only becomes more ludicrous when our heroes are privy to the discovery of the legendary white fire diamond, a preposterously sized gem that is so shit-hot it burns the flesh of any dumb ass who touches it… and after tragedy and a bar fight featuring roughly 4,567 mustaches, Bo sets out to pinch that rock pronto! Speaking of mustaches, Fred “The Hammer”

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 3, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Why Don’t You Just Die! (2018)

Matvey (Aleksander Kuznetsov) is dating aspiring actress Olya (Evgeniya Kregzhde), and holy fuck does she have some Kong-sized daddy issues… like she wants the Ben Grimm lookin’ mother fucker named Andrey (Vitaliy Khaev) to take a permanent dirt nap for the rather unpleasant crimes he allegedly committed against her when she was young. While the claims of Olya are suspect at best, ol’ Andrey is guilty of plenty of other crimes… crimes made easy given his status as a cop… a cop with an equally corrupt partner… and the duo have a wild hair up their collective asses about some dough they were screwed out of. So over comes ol’ Romeo Matvey with a hammer to kill Big A in his own apartment… small problem, Andrey is near indestructible, and Matvey seems to be as well… what follows is an explosive blast of cartoony, unbelievably violent, and oft times bloody confrontations within the small apartment that hasn’t been seen on

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jun 3, 2020
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