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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Beyond the Door (1974)

Five minutes into Beyond the Door you get narration from ol’ Satan himself, Jesus with tits n’ bush, a basic premise that manages to combine The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby, a funk song about the devil (which the musicians are told isn’t as good as their fap sessions), and a kid drinking mother fuckin’ Campbell’s soup straight from the mother fuckin’ can like a mother fuckin’ boss. I feel like “5 skulling” this bad bitch right here and now, but there is so very, very much more… Anyhow, Jessica (Juliet Mills) and her music producer beau Robert (Gabriele Lavia)… a man that loves reading about fish fucking and whom the children lovingly refer to as “asshole”… have found themselves with a new baby on the way, even though Jess is on the pill. Speaking of that finicky fetus, it’s growing at an accelerated rate and Jess is lossing her ever-lovin’ mind in various and sundry violent ways! Meanwhile that soup

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Leaves (2020)

A young couple moves into a house as suspended autumnal leaves hang in the air… and let me tell you cats n’ creeps, that is but one odd occurrence that’ll be plaguing these folks in the immediate future. Add to the mix a set of neighbors that definitely know there is some sort of shocking secrets within those wicked walls, a set of glowing eyes, a bizarre board game that reveals intimate details of the player’s lives… so yeah, odd to say the least… It’s that strangeness that runs throughout writer/director Matt Rasmussen’s The Leaves that makes this sinister short a wicked winner! Everything from the dialog, to the acting, to the narrative plays out like a fever dream. Hostilities rise and the possibility of other existences are explored while characters deliver lines that seem weighted with an arcane knowledge we as the viewer do not possess. All of the above gives the entire affair a style and flavor all

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Disco Graveyard (2020)

The one and only Izzy Lee (Innsmouth) is back with her latest short film Disco Graveyard; a stock footage soiree swan diving into a fever dream! Created in a punk rock, found art style, Disco Graveyard could be boiled down as such; it’s a commencement speech intended for the Children of the Damned. As each carefully selected image flashes before our putrid peepers, it is Izzy herself (if you’re keeping score at home; Lee wrote, directed, produced, and stars in this flick) that delivers strangely comforting platitudes (for example: “Don’t be dead, the dead are dumb. Be weird”) that espouse how it is a good thing to be a complete weirdo (a parable your’s cruelly surely takes to my lil’ ol’ black heart). Also on hand is an excellent score by Lee’s long-time composer Shayne Gryn, and some impressive editing courtesy of Michael J. Epstein (Blood of the Tribades). To sum it up, these are the words of wisdom folks

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Escape From L.A. (1996)

After rescuing the prez from the penal colony of New York city in John Carpenter’s 1981 masterpiece Escape From New York, grizzled anti-hero Snake Plissken (a returning Kurt Russell) finds himself on the opposite end of the nation in the fantastic future year of 2013. Of course shit has truly hit the fan in the West as well, and Snake finds himself on another suicide mission, this time involving the retrieval of a doomsday device stolen by the President’s unhinged daughter, Utopia (A.J. Langer), from deep within the bowels of L.A., which has become the new home for anyone the prez deems immoral. Before long S.P. is B.D. in maniacs, madmen, and other assorted lunatics united under the rule of revolutionary nut-job Cuervo Jones (George Corraface) who just so happens to have shacked up with Utopia! Now all Plissken has to do is stay alive, retrieve the device, and do it in a timely fashion before the disease the powers

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
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Horror Fuel

Maniac (1980) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Zombie (1979) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Lucio Fulci’s seminal gut-muncher Zombie (or Zombi 2 as it is sometimes known, as in Italy it was released as a sequel to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, which is known there as Zombi…confused yet boils n’ ghouls?!!) has always been a favorite of your’s cruelly, and before we even get into the review proper I will whole-heartedly state that every horror hound, zombie lover, and gore aficionado should have this fright flick in their creepy collection…no excuses! For those unfamiliar with the film, the plot goes like this; Journalist Peter West (Ian McCulloch) is called on to investigate a strange ship that drifted into the waters outside of Manhattan…a ship that seemingly contained flesh hungry zombies! Before long, Peter is joined by Anne Bowles (Tisa Farrow), the daughter of the boat’s owner, and the duo make for the Caribbean to investigate just what in the hell happened to Anne’s father. Once there our heroes hook up with Brian Hull

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Porno (2019)

It’s 1992 and it’s Jesus o’ clock at a small town movie house owned by religious fanatic Mr. Pike (Bill Phillips). But it’s all in a days work for Chastity (Jillian Mueller), projectionist Heavy Metal Jeff (Robbie Tann), and ushers Abe (Evan Daves), Todd (Larry Saperstein), and Ricky (Glenn Stott)… and after hours they are rewarded with watching a free flick, but the current hits of the day are quickly forgotten once a freak-ass hobo breaks into the joint leading them to discover a stash of porn. Before you can say missionary position, the gang watches one of the skin-flicks and unleashes the succubus Lilith (Katelyn Pearce). Sex and violence ensue. Produced on a lower budget with an inexperienced cast, Porno manages to be funny, shocking, and surprisingly touching. Admittedly, things get off to a dicey start though as our pious teens are grating from the get-go, but they calm their tits soon enough… especially after Lilith makes the scene

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Garden (1910)

As many of you fine fiends know; your’s cruelly digs on the silent films… the wonders the movie maestros of the past could conjure up were true works of art, and one of the best was French illusionist/filmmaker Georges Méliès… speaking of ol’ Big G; the filmmaker behind The Garden (1910), is obviously a passionate fan, as every decadent frame of the film looks to create the aesthetic and artistry of Méliès oeuvre… and that surely tickles my putrid pickle cats n’ creeps! As usual we segue seamlessly from a penis joke to the Bible. While that particular tome is really not my bag in any way, shape, or form, I can easily dig on this short which is a telling of Genesis via the medium of silent film… film using the same practical traditions (or representations thereof) that graced the silver screen circa the early 1900’s. As you may guess, things are kept on the black and white-ish tip

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

Married-types Liza (Katie Holmes) and Sean (Owain Yeoman) beat a hasty retreat to the countryside in an attempt to forget a robbery dealio that L-Dawg experienced in the city that left her shook A.F. As fate and the script wound have it, their crotch-goblin Jude (Christopher Convery) discovers a creepy-ass doll in the woods and brings that putrid, porcelain fuck right the fuck home… and guess what? That terrible toy seems to have a life of it’s own. Unrelenting horror biz ensues. Look, I can’t slap a revoltin’ review on Brahms: The Boy II without mentioning 2016’s original recipe The Boy… and you bet your ass there is a spoiler or two heading your way, so consider your arcane asses duly warned. The thing I hated the most about the first entry is fixed-as-all-fuck this go-around… namely the nature of the doll, Brahms, itself. In the first movie, that doll was just a cover for some other sinister shit (though

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Diablo Rojo PTY (2019)

Miguel (Carlos Carrasco, who was also in 1994’s Speed… and should just stay his ass off buses) tools around town in one of the last of the Diablos Rojos; an outrageously painted bus that was once all the rage in public transportation down Panama way. As fate (and the screenplay) wou;d have it; our dude Miguel finds himself balls deep in supernatural shenanigans as late one night he crosses paths with a witch and ends up stranded in the countryside with a few members of the local fuzz and his assistant. Now that ol’ bus becomes their final stronghold as the forces of evil rise around them and folklore becomes reality. Well, these folks are as good as dead… Diablo Rojo PTY is a winner for a number of reasons. First of all we get some tried and true horror tropes thrown our way (the secluded locale populated with all manner of hellish creatures, and a hero in waaaay over

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 14, 2020

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Beyond the Door (1974)

Five minutes into Beyond the Door you get narration from ol’ Satan himself, Jesus with tits n’ bush, a basic premise that manages to combine The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby, a funk song about the devil (which the musicians are told isn’t as good as their fap sessions), and a kid drinking mother fuckin’ Campbell’s soup straight from the mother fuckin’ can like a mother fuckin’ boss. I feel like “5 skulling” this bad bitch right here and now, but there is so very, very much more… Anyhow, Jessica (Juliet Mills) and her music producer beau Robert (Gabriele Lavia)… a man that loves reading about fish fucking and whom the children lovingly refer to as “asshole”… have found themselves with a new baby on the way, even though Jess is on the pill. Speaking of that finicky fetus, it’s growing at an accelerated rate and Jess is lossing her ever-lovin’ mind in various and sundry violent ways! Meanwhile that soup

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Leaves (2020)

A young couple moves into a house as suspended autumnal leaves hang in the air… and let me tell you cats n’ creeps, that is but one odd occurrence that’ll be plaguing these folks in the immediate future. Add to the mix a set of neighbors that definitely know there is some sort of shocking secrets within those wicked walls, a set of glowing eyes, a bizarre board game that reveals intimate details of the player’s lives… so yeah, odd to say the least… It’s that strangeness that runs throughout writer/director Matt Rasmussen’s The Leaves that makes this sinister short a wicked winner! Everything from the dialog, to the acting, to the narrative plays out like a fever dream. Hostilities rise and the possibility of other existences are explored while characters deliver lines that seem weighted with an arcane knowledge we as the viewer do not possess. All of the above gives the entire affair a style and flavor all

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 28, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: Disco Graveyard (2020)

The one and only Izzy Lee (Innsmouth) is back with her latest short film Disco Graveyard; a stock footage soiree swan diving into a fever dream! Created in a punk rock, found art style, Disco Graveyard could be boiled down as such; it’s a commencement speech intended for the Children of the Damned. As each carefully selected image flashes before our putrid peepers, it is Izzy herself (if you’re keeping score at home; Lee wrote, directed, produced, and stars in this flick) that delivers strangely comforting platitudes (for example: “Don’t be dead, the dead are dumb. Be weird”) that espouse how it is a good thing to be a complete weirdo (a parable your’s cruelly surely takes to my lil’ ol’ black heart). Also on hand is an excellent score by Lee’s long-time composer Shayne Gryn, and some impressive editing courtesy of Michael J. Epstein (Blood of the Tribades). To sum it up, these are the words of wisdom folks

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Escape From L.A. (1996)

After rescuing the prez from the penal colony of New York city in John Carpenter’s 1981 masterpiece Escape From New York, grizzled anti-hero Snake Plissken (a returning Kurt Russell) finds himself on the opposite end of the nation in the fantastic future year of 2013. Of course shit has truly hit the fan in the West as well, and Snake finds himself on another suicide mission, this time involving the retrieval of a doomsday device stolen by the President’s unhinged daughter, Utopia (A.J. Langer), from deep within the bowels of L.A., which has become the new home for anyone the prez deems immoral. Before long S.P. is B.D. in maniacs, madmen, and other assorted lunatics united under the rule of revolutionary nut-job Cuervo Jones (George Corraface) who just so happens to have shacked up with Utopia! Now all Plissken has to do is stay alive, retrieve the device, and do it in a timely fashion before the disease the powers

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 23, 2020
Horror Fuel

Maniac (1980) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) didn’t exactly have the best of childhoods what with growin’ up the son of an abusive prostitute and all…but damn it; a boy’ll love his mommy no matter her faults. You can just imagine how ol’ Frank feels when his mother finally buys the farm courtesy of a car accident…yup, he’s all broken up all right…so much so that he wanders ol’ Manhattan-town and murders rando women (hookers, disco chics, nurses…Tom Savini…wait, what?!!) whom he scalps and places their hairy brain flaps on top of mannequins that he keeps littered around his unreasonably terrifying (and purple) studio apartment. All this horror biz does get put on hold here and there however when Frank meets a gorgeous photographer (Caroline Munro)…a girl that makes him function like an actual human being…but how long will that last? Comprised mainly of a series of hardcore murder-filled vignettes hung on the barest skeleton of a plot (lunatic kills women and keeps

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Zombie (1979) – 4K UHD Blu-ray Review

Lucio Fulci’s seminal gut-muncher Zombie (or Zombi 2 as it is sometimes known, as in Italy it was released as a sequel to Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, which is known there as Zombi…confused yet boils n’ ghouls?!!) has always been a favorite of your’s cruelly, and before we even get into the review proper I will whole-heartedly state that every horror hound, zombie lover, and gore aficionado should have this fright flick in their creepy collection…no excuses! For those unfamiliar with the film, the plot goes like this; Journalist Peter West (Ian McCulloch) is called on to investigate a strange ship that drifted into the waters outside of Manhattan…a ship that seemingly contained flesh hungry zombies! Before long, Peter is joined by Anne Bowles (Tisa Farrow), the daughter of the boat’s owner, and the duo make for the Caribbean to investigate just what in the hell happened to Anne’s father. Once there our heroes hook up with Brian Hull

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 19, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Porno (2019)

It’s 1992 and it’s Jesus o’ clock at a small town movie house owned by religious fanatic Mr. Pike (Bill Phillips). But it’s all in a days work for Chastity (Jillian Mueller), projectionist Heavy Metal Jeff (Robbie Tann), and ushers Abe (Evan Daves), Todd (Larry Saperstein), and Ricky (Glenn Stott)… and after hours they are rewarded with watching a free flick, but the current hits of the day are quickly forgotten once a freak-ass hobo breaks into the joint leading them to discover a stash of porn. Before you can say missionary position, the gang watches one of the skin-flicks and unleashes the succubus Lilith (Katelyn Pearce). Sex and violence ensue. Produced on a lower budget with an inexperienced cast, Porno manages to be funny, shocking, and surprisingly touching. Admittedly, things get off to a dicey start though as our pious teens are grating from the get-go, but they calm their tits soon enough… especially after Lilith makes the scene

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Garden (1910)

As many of you fine fiends know; your’s cruelly digs on the silent films… the wonders the movie maestros of the past could conjure up were true works of art, and one of the best was French illusionist/filmmaker Georges Méliès… speaking of ol’ Big G; the filmmaker behind The Garden (1910), is obviously a passionate fan, as every decadent frame of the film looks to create the aesthetic and artistry of Méliès oeuvre… and that surely tickles my putrid pickle cats n’ creeps! As usual we segue seamlessly from a penis joke to the Bible. While that particular tome is really not my bag in any way, shape, or form, I can easily dig on this short which is a telling of Genesis via the medium of silent film… film using the same practical traditions (or representations thereof) that graced the silver screen circa the early 1900’s. As you may guess, things are kept on the black and white-ish tip

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

Married-types Liza (Katie Holmes) and Sean (Owain Yeoman) beat a hasty retreat to the countryside in an attempt to forget a robbery dealio that L-Dawg experienced in the city that left her shook A.F. As fate and the script wound have it, their crotch-goblin Jude (Christopher Convery) discovers a creepy-ass doll in the woods and brings that putrid, porcelain fuck right the fuck home… and guess what? That terrible toy seems to have a life of it’s own. Unrelenting horror biz ensues. Look, I can’t slap a revoltin’ review on Brahms: The Boy II without mentioning 2016’s original recipe The Boy… and you bet your ass there is a spoiler or two heading your way, so consider your arcane asses duly warned. The thing I hated the most about the first entry is fixed-as-all-fuck this go-around… namely the nature of the doll, Brahms, itself. In the first movie, that doll was just a cover for some other sinister shit (though

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Diablo Rojo PTY (2019)

Miguel (Carlos Carrasco, who was also in 1994’s Speed… and should just stay his ass off buses) tools around town in one of the last of the Diablos Rojos; an outrageously painted bus that was once all the rage in public transportation down Panama way. As fate (and the screenplay) wou;d have it; our dude Miguel finds himself balls deep in supernatural shenanigans as late one night he crosses paths with a witch and ends up stranded in the countryside with a few members of the local fuzz and his assistant. Now that ol’ bus becomes their final stronghold as the forces of evil rise around them and folklore becomes reality. Well, these folks are as good as dead… Diablo Rojo PTY is a winner for a number of reasons. First of all we get some tried and true horror tropes thrown our way (the secluded locale populated with all manner of hellish creatures, and a hero in waaaay over

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 14, 2020
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