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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Porno (2019)

It’s 1992 and it’s Jesus o’ clock at a small town movie house owned by religious fanatic Mr. Pike (Bill Phillips). But it’s all in a days work for Chastity (Jillian Mueller), projectionist Heavy Metal Jeff (Robbie Tann), and ushers Abe (Evan Daves), Todd (Larry Saperstein), and Ricky (Glenn Stott)… and after hours they are rewarded with watching a free flick, but the current hits of the day are quickly forgotten once a freak-ass hobo breaks into the joint leading them to discover a stash of porn. Before you can say missionary position, the gang watches one of the skin-flicks and unleashes the succubus Lilith (Katelyn Pearce). Sex and violence ensue. Produced on a lower budget with an inexperienced cast, Porno manages to be funny, shocking, and surprisingly touching. Admittedly, things get off to a dicey start though as our pious teens are grating from the get-go, but they calm their tits soon enough… especially after Lilith makes the scene

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Garden (1910)

As many of you fine fiends know; your’s cruelly digs on the silent films… the wonders the movie maestros of the past could conjure up were true works of art, and one of the best was French illusionist/filmmaker Georges Méliès… speaking of ol’ Big G; the filmmaker behind The Garden (1910), is obviously a passionate fan, as every decadent frame of the film looks to create the aesthetic and artistry of Méliès oeuvre… and that surely tickles my putrid pickle cats n’ creeps! As usual we segue seamlessly from a penis joke to the Bible. While that particular tome is really not my bag in any way, shape, or form, I can easily dig on this short which is a telling of Genesis via the medium of silent film… film using the same practical traditions (or representations thereof) that graced the silver screen circa the early 1900’s. As you may guess, things are kept on the black and white-ish tip

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

Married-types Liza (Katie Holmes) and Sean (Owain Yeoman) beat a hasty retreat to the countryside in an attempt to forget a robbery dealio that L-Dawg experienced in the city that left her shook A.F. As fate and the script wound have it, their crotch-goblin Jude (Christopher Convery) discovers a creepy-ass doll in the woods and brings that putrid, porcelain fuck right the fuck home… and guess what? That terrible toy seems to have a life of it’s own. Unrelenting horror biz ensues. Look, I can’t slap a revoltin’ review on Brahms: The Boy II without mentioning 2016’s original recipe The Boy… and you bet your ass there is a spoiler or two heading your way, so consider your arcane asses duly warned. The thing I hated the most about the first entry is fixed-as-all-fuck this go-around… namely the nature of the doll, Brahms, itself. In the first movie, that doll was just a cover for some other sinister shit (though

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Diablo Rojo PTY (2019)

Miguel (Carlos Carrasco, who was also in 1994’s Speed… and should just stay his ass off buses) tools around town in one of the last of the Diablos Rojos; an outrageously painted bus that was once all the rage in public transportation down Panama way. As fate (and the screenplay) wou;d have it; our dude Miguel finds himself balls deep in supernatural shenanigans as late one night he crosses paths with a witch and ends up stranded in the countryside with a few members of the local fuzz and his assistant. Now that ol’ bus becomes their final stronghold as the forces of evil rise around them and folklore becomes reality. Well, these folks are as good as dead… Diablo Rojo PTY is a winner for a number of reasons. First of all we get some tried and true horror tropes thrown our way (the secluded locale populated with all manner of hellish creatures, and a hero in waaaay over

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 14, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Fantasy Island (2020)

Fantasy Island begins exactly like any episode of it’s late ’70s boob-tube classic namesake did; namely a plane arrives on a gorgeous tropical island filled with folks looking to have their greatest wish granted by the island’s suave owner Mr. Roarke (Michael Peña stepping in for the late Ricardo Montalban) via… well, who the fuck knows… but he can do it, or rather the island can, and once a fantasy starts you must not end it. The fantasies are pretty standard on their surface level; a non-stop sex and drug fueled party, a second chance at happiness, a chance to be a soldier (okay, that’s a bit out of left fuckin’ field, but there’s another angle present that makes it reasonable), and revenge against a horrendous childhood bully… except where on the original show things usually didn’t end up balls deep in the horror biz, here that is exactly what happens! Soon our harried heroes and heroines find themselves in

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 7, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Blood & Flesh: The Reel Life & Ghastly Death of Al Adamson (2020)

Love his films or hate them (but seriously though… how could you hate such delightful exploitation goodness?) there’s no denying that legendary director Al Adamson had one hell of a life… a life detailed in Severin’s newest Blu-ray release; Blood & Flesh: The Reel Life & Ghastly Death of Al Adamson! Most of you lot are no doubt familiar with Adamson; the shit-kickin’ indie filmmaker that dabbled in all manner of drive-in fare featuring everything from monsters to bikers to secret agents (and so much more) and served up well-seasoned with a dash of John Carradine here, a tit or two there… and pure insanity all around. Seriously just look some of these titles and tell me they aren’t pure rad-ass awesome: Dracula vs. Frankenstein, Satan’s Sadists, Horror of the Blood Monsters… those are fried ghoulish gold thru and thru! Now that’s all freaky fun n’ gory games, but unfortunately Adamson’s life ended up as a true horror show as

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 4, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Blood Quantum (2019)

Back ’round 1981, down on the Mi’gmaq tribe’s home turf of Red Crow, animals keep coming back from the dead. Enter: Sheriff Traylor (Michael Greyeyes) who has to deal with the ‘sitch first hand when he is tasked with putting a bullet into the pooch belonging to his ex-wife Joss (Elle-Máijá Tailfeathers)… which of course turns zombie right quick! Not content to just resurrect various and sundry animal types, this mysterious whatever soon has the same effect on the local Caucasian occasion (the natives are immune to the transformation). This causes an extra layer of static as our hero’s son Joseph (Forrest Goodluck) has a preggo white old lady named Charlie (Olivia Scriven). Time passes and the reservation becomes a fortified, post-apocalyptic style stronghold… but the hungry dead are definitely at their doorstep, and they want in like a mother fucker! Naturally various members of the tribe splinter and form their own allegiance, lead by a true psycho named Lysol

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Lycanimator (2018)

After one of your mad scientist types swallows a preternatural potion and transforms into a wicked werewolf, we get down to the nitty-gritty (and the titty) of what Lycanimator is all about… Two squabblin’ couples, May (Cayt Feinics of Clownado fame) and Jeff (Jonathan E. Smith) and Brian (Kii Hornick) and Nikki (Briana Wyman) are heading out to a secluded… and dilapidated as all fuckity-fuck house (it’s a fancy-ass real estate term, trust me) they’ve rented along with their gal pal Allie (Karina Nieves). Before they arrive they encounter the local doomsayer/deranged vet Niven (Joel D. Wynkoop in a suitably maniacal performance)… a real one-two punch of crazy right to your tender danglin’ orbs who tries to scare them away with tales of mad experiments and rampaging monsters, to no avail. Any-fucking-how; our heroes arrive at that dread domicile, and while trying to sniff out some booze, they find that crazy concoction mentioned up yonder… and Jeff gets it poured

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Exorcism at 60,000 Feet (2019)

Father Romero (Robert Miano) is a priest with a knack for performing lead-based exorcisms, in that he blows holes in the possessed with his pistol. After one such incident, our petulant padre hops on a plane (piloted by the legendary Lance Henriksen as Captain Houdee) headed down Vietnam way. Well, it turns out that our hero could have boarded a rocket to the sun and it wouldn’t have stopped evil from taggin’ along for the revoltin’ ride, as soon lightning strikes and folks are becoming all possessed-like six ways to Sunday! It’s tight quarters for a battle with unspeakable evil, so how many of those passengers will stick the landing is forever in doubt! Now look, this isn’t Airplane! by any means, but Exorcism at 60,000 Feet has plenty of fun to offer while treading similar ground. This is a send up of ’70s disaster movies, and possession flicks (also a huge part of ’70s genre cinema), and the end

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 27, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Cry Havoc (2020)

A small potatoes TV reporter type named Ellen Weaver (Emily Sweet), thinks she has just what the demonic doctor ordered to give her career a much needed shot in the ass; namely a chit-chat with serial killer The Voyeur (Richard Tyson), who has been laying low due to his bum-bum ending up on the FBI’s Most Wanted list! Long story short, ol’ Big V has set himself up a real ring-ding racket where he intends to let folks attempt to survive the monstrous machinations of his own pet slasher, Havoc (J.D. Angstadt)… a psycho in a creep-ass mask who is really good at makin’ people extinct… and Ellen discovers she is going to be one of those mother fuckers balls deep in the Save-Ass biz! Enter: a tortured police detective (Robert ‘Bronzi’ Kovacs) who has never healed from a falling out with his daughter (Spring Inés Pena)… a daughter that has vanished, but lo and behold she has been traced

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 27, 2020

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Porno (2019)

It’s 1992 and it’s Jesus o’ clock at a small town movie house owned by religious fanatic Mr. Pike (Bill Phillips). But it’s all in a days work for Chastity (Jillian Mueller), projectionist Heavy Metal Jeff (Robbie Tann), and ushers Abe (Evan Daves), Todd (Larry Saperstein), and Ricky (Glenn Stott)… and after hours they are rewarded with watching a free flick, but the current hits of the day are quickly forgotten once a freak-ass hobo breaks into the joint leading them to discover a stash of porn. Before you can say missionary position, the gang watches one of the skin-flicks and unleashes the succubus Lilith (Katelyn Pearce). Sex and violence ensue. Produced on a lower budget with an inexperienced cast, Porno manages to be funny, shocking, and surprisingly touching. Admittedly, things get off to a dicey start though as our pious teens are grating from the get-go, but they calm their tits soon enough… especially after Lilith makes the scene

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Short Film Review: The Garden (1910)

As many of you fine fiends know; your’s cruelly digs on the silent films… the wonders the movie maestros of the past could conjure up were true works of art, and one of the best was French illusionist/filmmaker Georges Méliès… speaking of ol’ Big G; the filmmaker behind The Garden (1910), is obviously a passionate fan, as every decadent frame of the film looks to create the aesthetic and artistry of Méliès oeuvre… and that surely tickles my putrid pickle cats n’ creeps! As usual we segue seamlessly from a penis joke to the Bible. While that particular tome is really not my bag in any way, shape, or form, I can easily dig on this short which is a telling of Genesis via the medium of silent film… film using the same practical traditions (or representations thereof) that graced the silver screen circa the early 1900’s. As you may guess, things are kept on the black and white-ish tip

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Brahms: The Boy II (2020)

Married-types Liza (Katie Holmes) and Sean (Owain Yeoman) beat a hasty retreat to the countryside in an attempt to forget a robbery dealio that L-Dawg experienced in the city that left her shook A.F. As fate and the script wound have it, their crotch-goblin Jude (Christopher Convery) discovers a creepy-ass doll in the woods and brings that putrid, porcelain fuck right the fuck home… and guess what? That terrible toy seems to have a life of it’s own. Unrelenting horror biz ensues. Look, I can’t slap a revoltin’ review on Brahms: The Boy II without mentioning 2016’s original recipe The Boy… and you bet your ass there is a spoiler or two heading your way, so consider your arcane asses duly warned. The thing I hated the most about the first entry is fixed-as-all-fuck this go-around… namely the nature of the doll, Brahms, itself. In the first movie, that doll was just a cover for some other sinister shit (though

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Diablo Rojo PTY (2019)

Miguel (Carlos Carrasco, who was also in 1994’s Speed… and should just stay his ass off buses) tools around town in one of the last of the Diablos Rojos; an outrageously painted bus that was once all the rage in public transportation down Panama way. As fate (and the screenplay) wou;d have it; our dude Miguel finds himself balls deep in supernatural shenanigans as late one night he crosses paths with a witch and ends up stranded in the countryside with a few members of the local fuzz and his assistant. Now that ol’ bus becomes their final stronghold as the forces of evil rise around them and folklore becomes reality. Well, these folks are as good as dead… Diablo Rojo PTY is a winner for a number of reasons. First of all we get some tried and true horror tropes thrown our way (the secluded locale populated with all manner of hellish creatures, and a hero in waaaay over

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 14, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Fantasy Island (2020)

Fantasy Island begins exactly like any episode of it’s late ’70s boob-tube classic namesake did; namely a plane arrives on a gorgeous tropical island filled with folks looking to have their greatest wish granted by the island’s suave owner Mr. Roarke (Michael Peña stepping in for the late Ricardo Montalban) via… well, who the fuck knows… but he can do it, or rather the island can, and once a fantasy starts you must not end it. The fantasies are pretty standard on their surface level; a non-stop sex and drug fueled party, a second chance at happiness, a chance to be a soldier (okay, that’s a bit out of left fuckin’ field, but there’s another angle present that makes it reasonable), and revenge against a horrendous childhood bully… except where on the original show things usually didn’t end up balls deep in the horror biz, here that is exactly what happens! Soon our harried heroes and heroines find themselves in

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 7, 2020
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Blood & Flesh: The Reel Life & Ghastly Death of Al Adamson (2020)

Love his films or hate them (but seriously though… how could you hate such delightful exploitation goodness?) there’s no denying that legendary director Al Adamson had one hell of a life… a life detailed in Severin’s newest Blu-ray release; Blood & Flesh: The Reel Life & Ghastly Death of Al Adamson! Most of you lot are no doubt familiar with Adamson; the shit-kickin’ indie filmmaker that dabbled in all manner of drive-in fare featuring everything from monsters to bikers to secret agents (and so much more) and served up well-seasoned with a dash of John Carradine here, a tit or two there… and pure insanity all around. Seriously just look some of these titles and tell me they aren’t pure rad-ass awesome: Dracula vs. Frankenstein, Satan’s Sadists, Horror of the Blood Monsters… those are fried ghoulish gold thru and thru! Now that’s all freaky fun n’ gory games, but unfortunately Adamson’s life ended up as a true horror show as

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 4, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Blood Quantum (2019)

Back ’round 1981, down on the Mi’gmaq tribe’s home turf of Red Crow, animals keep coming back from the dead. Enter: Sheriff Traylor (Michael Greyeyes) who has to deal with the ‘sitch first hand when he is tasked with putting a bullet into the pooch belonging to his ex-wife Joss (Elle-Máijá Tailfeathers)… which of course turns zombie right quick! Not content to just resurrect various and sundry animal types, this mysterious whatever soon has the same effect on the local Caucasian occasion (the natives are immune to the transformation). This causes an extra layer of static as our hero’s son Joseph (Forrest Goodluck) has a preggo white old lady named Charlie (Olivia Scriven). Time passes and the reservation becomes a fortified, post-apocalyptic style stronghold… but the hungry dead are definitely at their doorstep, and they want in like a mother fucker! Naturally various members of the tribe splinter and form their own allegiance, lead by a true psycho named Lysol

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Lycanimator (2018)

After one of your mad scientist types swallows a preternatural potion and transforms into a wicked werewolf, we get down to the nitty-gritty (and the titty) of what Lycanimator is all about… Two squabblin’ couples, May (Cayt Feinics of Clownado fame) and Jeff (Jonathan E. Smith) and Brian (Kii Hornick) and Nikki (Briana Wyman) are heading out to a secluded… and dilapidated as all fuckity-fuck house (it’s a fancy-ass real estate term, trust me) they’ve rented along with their gal pal Allie (Karina Nieves). Before they arrive they encounter the local doomsayer/deranged vet Niven (Joel D. Wynkoop in a suitably maniacal performance)… a real one-two punch of crazy right to your tender danglin’ orbs who tries to scare them away with tales of mad experiments and rampaging monsters, to no avail. Any-fucking-how; our heroes arrive at that dread domicile, and while trying to sniff out some booze, they find that crazy concoction mentioned up yonder… and Jeff gets it poured

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 2, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Exorcism at 60,000 Feet (2019)

Father Romero (Robert Miano) is a priest with a knack for performing lead-based exorcisms, in that he blows holes in the possessed with his pistol. After one such incident, our petulant padre hops on a plane (piloted by the legendary Lance Henriksen as Captain Houdee) headed down Vietnam way. Well, it turns out that our hero could have boarded a rocket to the sun and it wouldn’t have stopped evil from taggin’ along for the revoltin’ ride, as soon lightning strikes and folks are becoming all possessed-like six ways to Sunday! It’s tight quarters for a battle with unspeakable evil, so how many of those passengers will stick the landing is forever in doubt! Now look, this isn’t Airplane! by any means, but Exorcism at 60,000 Feet has plenty of fun to offer while treading similar ground. This is a send up of ’70s disaster movies, and possession flicks (also a huge part of ’70s genre cinema), and the end

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 27, 2020
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Cry Havoc (2020)

A small potatoes TV reporter type named Ellen Weaver (Emily Sweet), thinks she has just what the demonic doctor ordered to give her career a much needed shot in the ass; namely a chit-chat with serial killer The Voyeur (Richard Tyson), who has been laying low due to his bum-bum ending up on the FBI’s Most Wanted list! Long story short, ol’ Big V has set himself up a real ring-ding racket where he intends to let folks attempt to survive the monstrous machinations of his own pet slasher, Havoc (J.D. Angstadt)… a psycho in a creep-ass mask who is really good at makin’ people extinct… and Ellen discovers she is going to be one of those mother fuckers balls deep in the Save-Ass biz! Enter: a tortured police detective (Robert ‘Bronzi’ Kovacs) who has never healed from a falling out with his daughter (Spring Inés Pena)… a daughter that has vanished, but lo and behold she has been traced

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Apr 27, 2020
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