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DanXIII

1,297 stories

Short Film Review: Button Man (2021)

Two sisters, Lydia (Melissa Claire) and Jade (Stephanie Panozzo) by name, head out into the wicked woods ror a lil’ of that sweet ass R&R. It takes about one hot second for these ladies to realize they are up to their elbows in the deepest of shit as the forest is fully stocked with human remains and terrible traps a-plenty… not to mention the eponymous Button Man (Don Bridges); a legendary psycho made flesh who marks his potential prey by leaving buttons on their eyes. Seriously, does anything good ever happen in the fuckin’ woods? The first thing you’ll notice about ol’ Button Man is that the cinematography is tight n’ outta sight… unless you are blind… wait, how are you reading this shit if you’re blind… Anyway, this flick looks like a million bucks thanks to cinematographers Jamie ‘Pees’ Lehman (I have no idea how this fella got that nickname, but I’m sure it’s a tale that wouldn’t leave

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DanXIII

Dec 15, 2021

IndieMovies

Blu-ray Review: The Collingswood Story (2002)

Rebecca (Stephanie Dees) is more than anxious to get the hell out of dodge and take up residence in a new off campus apartment house many states away from her hometown`. Thankfully she can still keep in touch with her Juggalo townie potential love interest Johnny (Johnny Burton) via a webcam based video messaging service (more on that in a bit). Speaking of Johnny, that hombre does not trust Rebecca a single bit… thanks in part to the advice of his perpetually wasted-off-his-ass buddy Billy (Grant Edmonds and his balls), so he decides to hire an online psychic, Madam Vera (Diane Behrens) to hopefully straighten things out (an amateur Don Ho and the American antecedent to Alan Moore are also involved). Of course this all goes completely to shit, as the psychic reveals that Rebecca has just moved to the most evil place in all of New Jersey… and that’s sayin’ somethin’… Collingswood (a mere “G” away from a Dan

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DanXIII

Nov 28, 2021

ForeignMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: 1974: La posesión de Altair (2016)

Newlyweds Manuel (Rolando Breme), a camera buff, and school teacher Altair (Diana Bovio) are just two crazy kids who are high on life, a life that couldn’t be a more typical blend of birthday parties, puppies, and boudoir role-play. Of course that shit begins to go south rather quickly as odd occurrences begin happening such as birds turning into ape-shit cannibals (much more than they normally already are), phone calls that only contain strange noises, and bad dreams with onset nosebleeds and sleepwalking (never a good sign in our beloved horror biz). Oh, about those “dreams”… well, they begin to tell Altair to do things… admittedly seemingly random tasks like painting bricks that arrived mysteriously one day out of the blue… and soon our heroine is acting 100% fuckin’ Grade-A bizarre… or is she? A little detective work from Manuel, along with his pal Callahan (Guillermo Callahan) reveal a troubled past, but are those events at all responsible for the

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DanXIII

Nov 27, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Elvira’s Haunted Hills (2001)

After an uproarious intro from the Mistress of the Dark herself, we dive right into the meat and potatoes (and what potatoes they are) of Elvira’s Haunted Hills; her second frightful feature film (following 1988’s Elvira: Mistress of the Dark) now available on Blu-ray thanks to those delicious devils o’er at Scream Factory! Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) and her maidservant/comedic foil Zou Zou (played to absolute perfection by Mary Jo Smith) are on their way to Paris (where our titular heroine can perform in a can-can revue) via the Carpathian mountains in the year 1851. After a disagreement with an innkeeper our heroes et off on foot where they are soon picked up by a carriage occupied by Dr, Bradley Bradley (Scott Atkinson in the Price role) who is en route to a nearby castle occupied by the intense-as-fuck Lady Ema Hellsubus (Mary Scheer) and her sound-adverse husband Lord Vladimir Hellsubus (Rocky Horror Picture Show mastermind Richard O’ Brien in the

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DanXIII

Nov 27, 2021

DocumentariesMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Release: Dark Shadows and Beyond: the Jonathan Frid Story (2021)

You lot know I love me some Dark Shadows; Dan Curtis’ ground-breaking 1960’s soap opera filled to the brim with Gothic atmosphere, witches, werewolves, and of course vampires, and it’s with that last denizen of the creature feature that the series featured it’s most enduring icon, the undead Lord of Collinwood, Barnabas Collins… played by to suave perfection by Jonathan Frid… speaking of which… Dark Shadows and Beyond: the Jonathan Frid Story, the new Blu-ray documentary release from MPI Pictures will either delight you with tales of showbiz and theater, or aggravate you if you want to know the man himself. What this film does right is explores in great detail the entire breadth of Frid’s work, from stage, to television, to movies, and back again; the man was an impressive actor with dozens of memorable performances under his belt before he even slipped in those enamel canines and set about putting the bite on Collinsport, Maine. Of course much

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DanXIII

Nov 27, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Sailor Suit & Machine Gun (1981)

Since the head honcho of a local Yakuza family just shook hands with the ol’ Grim Reaper, the next in line to take the reigns is none other than his estranged daughter… spunky, goofy, pretty fuckin’ ridiculous in every respect, high school student Izumi Hoshi (idol singer Hiroko Yakushimaru)! Cue stupid-ass record scratch sound effect here. Izumi is more than ready to become a delinquent, and immediately abandons school (though the sailor suit remains… and yes, she weilds a rather angry machine gun as well at times)… though at first she isn’t sure that livin’ in a gangsta paradise is for her… but soon she actually takes to the role and ,along with a quartet of henchmen, begins to become a presence in the underworld… but will she manage to keep ahead of the game, or be swallowed by it? I have to tell you, reading that above synopsis I wouldn’t blame you for expecting a wall-to-wall, live-action anime style

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DanXIII

Nov 27, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Gestapo’s Last Orgy (1977)

With the holiday’s fast approaching at the time of this writing, I’m sure there is nothing that brings more cheer than Cesare Canevari’s 1977 exercise in poor taste; The Gestapo’s Last Orgy… and by “cheer” I mean images you’ll need to scrub your eyeballs with a wire brush to unsee… Lise (Daniela Poggi) returns to the place of her internment after the close of world War II, and begins to relive her terrifying misadventures in a concentration camp utilized as a bordello by the most Italian German officers you are ever likely to lay eerie eyeballs upon. So what sorts of monstrous memories are revisited by our heroine? Well, after a cold, sterile gyno exam, the pick of the prisoners are given to the horny as hell ranks where the soldiers are more than ready to do the deed after watching a preposterous series of slides (featuring a muscle bound Hitler having anal with a woman eating a bucket of

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DanXIII

Nov 25, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Giallo Essentials (1965 -1978)

If you are new to the whole giallo genre (or looking to fill in gaps in your collection), Arrow Video has you covered with it’s new release of a Blu-ray set titled appropriately enough; Giallo Essentials, a collection of three films that deliver all of the mystery, murder, and terrifying twists the genre has to offer! Disc one brings us 1965’s The Possessed: Successful writer-type Bernard (Peter Baldwin) returns to a small Italian village for his winter holiday in the hopes of gettin’ hot n’ horny with Tilde (Virna Lisi), a local gal he had some fun with the last time he was down this way. The fact that she committed suicide a few months before he returned doesn’t sit well with our hero, so he goes a-sleuthin’… a good thing too, as some around town believe she was actually murdered! More of a straight-forward murder mystery with giallo overtones (those sick bed hallucinations baby), The Possessed, co-directed and written

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DanXIII

Nov 22, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Deep Red (1975)

The chances that you folks haven’t seen Dario Argento’s arguably finest giallo experience Deep Red are pretty fuckin’ slim, so I’m not sure how much my wicked words will do to help you make the decision to purchase this new Blu-ray release from Arrow… because you know damn well you’ve already bought it, but here we go… Jazzman Marcus (David Hemmings) is livin’ the life in Rome until he witnesses the murder of his neighbor Helga (Macha Méril), a noted psychic who just picked up some serious bad vibes from a member of the audience at her most recent mind-readin’ hootnanny. Of course, given his complete lack of any sort of crime solving experience, our hero leaps balls first into solving the homicide, and to that end teams up with reporter/sass-mouth expert Gianna (Daria Nicolodi). This naturally makes him a rather large target for the black-gloved murder machine stalkin’ the streets, and it’s only a matter of time before the

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DanXIII

Nov 22, 2021

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Death Screams (1982)

Death Screams begins with a classy theme song that would be right at home in a historical drama… that is until it decides it’s heralding the arrival of the King of the Entire Fucking Universe (or is kicking off the ABC Movie of the Week at any point in the late ’70s, then going into a free form jazz odyssey before transitioning to the next piece of music that sounds like it would be on some rinky-dink live-action PBS kids show in the early ’80s. Why am I taking the time to tell you this? Well, it’s because it’s batshit crazy, that’s why… and let me tell ya cats n’ creeps, the images that shit accompanies are pretty out there as well! Beginning with a fuck shesh turned deadly (this just so happens to be the first sentence in my upcoming auto-erotic biography as well… ) … which comes complete with a “dick caught in zipper” joke as well as

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DanXIII

Nov 22, 2021

DanXIII

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