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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Aliens, Clowns & Geeks (2019)

Frenzied filmmaker/musician Richard Elfman’s (The Forbidden Zone) Aliens, Clowns & Geeks concerns the adventures of Eddy Pine (played by Bodhi Elfman… wonder how he got the job), an out of work actor (ain’t they all folks, aint they all… ) that finds himself in possession of the key to the universe which gets shoved up his ass after a religious-level ménage-a-trois blows his brain (and the rest of him as well) across time and space. This makes him the prime target of a group of extra-terrestrial clowns led by Emperor Beezel-Chugg (played by the Austin Powers series’ Verne Troyer no less), and puts him in close contact with all manner of mayhem including some little green men from beyond the stars, a mad scientist (played by French Stewart, who never gets the credit he deserves as an actor… the dude always seems like he’s having the time of his life), and fuckin’ Norm from Cheers, who here plays a priest

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DanXIII

Jun 18, 2022

MoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Movie Review: The Brain From Planet Arous (1957)

After some patented ’50s era wise-assin’ and a trek through the desert, Steve March (John Agar) becomes possessed by an evil brain from outer space with bedroom eyes named Gor (voiced by Dale Tate and supplemented by non-stop War of the Worlds noises). At first Steve/Gor is just an animal abusing handsy creep, but before long he sets his sights higher and begins threatening the entire world with his evil machinations, all realized through the glory of that sweet, sweet stock footage. Thankfully a friendly-ass brain creature named Vol (also voiced by Tate) comes to earth and possesses Steve’s fiancé Sally’s (Joyce Meadows) dog, as one naturally would… and he’s determined to put an end to Gor’s bullshit, pronto! You read that deliriously daffy sinister synopsis up top, so you already know that The Brain From Planet Arous has a hell of a yarn to spin, and boy-fucking-howdy does it ever! Add in some groovy creature designs for our creepy

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DanXIII

Jun 18, 2022

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Black Candles (1982)

A balding middle-aged dude bangs a woman way out of his league before dying with Shrek’s wife’s name on his lips. So begins José Ramón Larraz (Vampyres… and credited here as Joseph Braunstein) 1982 erotic occult shocker Black Candles, or as it’s also known; Los ritos sexuales del diablo… but the blu-ray refers to it as Hot Fantasies, so who the fuck knows… Anyhow, Carol (Vanessa Hidalgo) arrives in London to stay with the aforementioned Fiona (Helga Liné) upon the death of her brother (ol’ mid-life crisis referenced up yonder), and upon arrival sees evidence of all manner of occult-biz and groovy art, which wasn’t like her bro at all… except apparently it was! See this dread dwelling is packed to the terror tits with a Satanic cult lead by local (un)holy man Reverend Hübner (Manuel Gómez-Álvarez) and before long, our heroine begins fucking and having fucking nightmares (but mostly nightmares about fucking) and believe you me shit is going

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DanXIII

Jun 7, 2022

IndieMovies

Blu-ray Review: Hey, Stop Stabbing Me! (2003)

Recent college grad Herman (Patrick Casey who also co-wrote the picture along with his Sonic the Hedgehog co-conspirator Josh Miller, who also directed), hitches a ride with sky-high architect/serial killer material-based joke machine who transports him to his new digs, an apartment he’ll be sharing with four other dudes. Strange thing about that place; his room contains all the personal effects of the previous occupant… which should bring up a big ol’ red flag, but our “hero” is preoccupied with other various and sundry shit including his fun and rewarding job digging holes, his nympho gal-pal, a sock swiping ‘Squatch, maybe a cult or two (just one, but it sounded better that way… ). How will our hero make it through this… hell why is he going through this? Hey, Stop Stabbing Me! is a (near) zero budget wonder: a (light) horror comedy with a smart, funny script, a dearth of insane-o ideas and concepts, a game cast, and probably

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DanXIII

Jun 1, 2022

News

Dracula Party’s New Video Included on VinSyn’s Release of Scared to Death!

Our pals, the fangtastically batty boys known as Dracula Party, have just dropped their latest video… this time for the track Scared to Death… and the damned thing has gone and been picked up by those devious devils at Vinegar Syndrome for inclusion on their Blu-ray release of the 1980 William Malone creature feature of the same name! Here is the wicked word straight from the horrid horse’s mouth! Directed and Edited by indie horror filmmaker and Dracula Party frontman, Byron C. Miller, “Scared to Death” is done in the fashion of classic movie tie-in music videos. Combining newly restored footage from the film with atmospheric band performance footage to create a creepy, loving tribute to Malone’s awesome monster movie and his iconic Syngenor monster. “When I was looking at music video ideas for “Scared to Death” I thought it would be really cool to do an old school video with footage from the movie intercut with the band rocking

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DanXIII

May 29, 2022

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Halfway House (2004)

Things start off with that hot n’ heavy jogging action so popular with the youth of today before dovetailing into a naked sacrifice to a monster… so begins Kenneth J. Hall’s horror-comedy/creature-feature/softcore sex flick, The Halfway House! So about that jogger… well, she’s the sister of one Larissa Morgan (Janet Tracy Keijser) and she isn’t the type to take a missing sister lying down… unless she’s busy fucking a detective, one Dick Sheen (Shawn Savage) by name, to convince her to help her find her missing sib. Said investigation leads to our heroine going undercover at the local church-run halfway house for wayward “girls” lorded over by the stern Sister Cecilia (genre legend Mary Woronov of Roger Corman’s Death Race 2000 fame… and about a billion others), who by day keeps the ladies in line through a healthy dose of fear, and by night sacrifices anyone that tries to escape the house’s wicked walls to the tooth and tentacle heavy

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DanXIII

May 15, 2022

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: House On the Edge of the Park 3-Disc Limited Edition (1980)

Alex (David Hess, who coincidentally also starred in Wes Craven’s 1972 masterpiece The Last House on the Left… a title I’m sure I won’t be mentioning again in this review) is a true renaissance man with many passions; disco dancing, acting smarmy, and being a sexually violent serial killer. One night, Alex and his pal Ricky (Italian horror regular Giovanni Lombardo Radice in an amazing t-shirt) are invited to a swank house in New Jersey for a disco party full of discoing. Once there, the rich pricks that are throwing the shindig immediately begin taking advantage of the rather dim Ricky, and our “hero” turns on the apish charm, only to get blue balled. These things goes over like a fart in a submarine for Alex and before long he’s pulled out his straight razor and the night immediately devolves into card-playing, swimming, face slashing (there it is), sexual assault (and again… ), and of course, tchotchke smashing (“Oh, the

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DanXIII

May 15, 2022

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Dark Night of the Scarecrow 2 (2022)

Remember the 1981 TV movie Dark Night of the Scarecrow? Even if you answer “no” it won’t matter a bit when you sit down to view Dark Night of the Scarecrow 2 (or maybe it’s Straw Eyes if the extra title card is to be believed), because other than a few passing references to the first film this is a stand alone flick through and through, but more on that in a bit… Single mom Chris Rhymer (Amber Wedding) and her son Jeremy (Aiden Shurr) arrive smack-dab in the middle of cornfield country to begin life anew. Speaking of life, someone or something is wandering about these rural environs killing folks willy-nilly. Therein lies the crux of this fright film. Who is committing these murders, and why? Well, in case you are a really shit-lousy guesser, it seems a scarecrow is doing the deed, but why and how? That is where the movie gets a bit over-complicated for it’s own

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DanXIII

May 14, 2022

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Row 19 (2021)

After surviving a freak plane crash as a child, Katerina (Svetlana Ivanova) has conquered her fears and is set to once again take flight with her young daughter in tow. Sometimes fear can be a life saver… Before the plane even leaves the tarmac, things start getting tense as shit as the weird/stressed passengers (what there are of them) and strange noises begin to take a hold on our heroine, bringing back the trauma… but, she refuses to give in and ditches her meds. I’m sure that’ll only help. Once in the air, a storm starts brewing, and our heroine begins reliving her past as things turn decidedly more nightmarish, not that the unblinking, unmoving flight attendants notice… but an in-flight heart attack seems to snap everybody to, and then all hell breaks loose… but is what is happening merely coincidence and a mental health speed bump, or is something more preternatural afoot? Director Alexander Babaev’s Row 19 is a

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DanXIII

May 7, 2022

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Ballad in Blood (2016)

Cannibal Holocaust’s maestro of mayhem Ruggero Deodato is back baby! Well, he was in 2016, and after a decades long hiatus from fright flicks and sleaze he just went right the fuck ahead and dove into the deep end of the putrid pool… and let me assure you, the old chap hasn’t lost a single beastly beat! Based (loosely) on the true life 2007 murder case of Amanda Knox/Meredith Kercher, Ballad in Blood begins with a sex fueled Halloween night party/drug-fueled orgy with bonus naked crucifixion hybrid (ain’t they always cats n’ creeps) and slips greasily into the aftermath of said event, where pals Duke (Edward Williams), a drug dealer by trade, and Jacopo (Gabriele Rossi) wake up in the apartment of Jacopo’s girlfriend Lenka (Carlotta Morelli) to find their friend Elizabeth (Noemi Smorra) decidedly not full of life… probably due to the rather large wound on her neck. Anyway, ol’ Elizabeth was recording a whole light of the previous

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DanXIII

May 7, 2022

DanXIII

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