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DanXIII

1,300 stories

Blu-ray Review: Night of the Demon (1980)

Professor Nugent (Michael Cutt) ostensibly teaches anthropology, but his real obsession is bigfoot… basically this mother fucker teaches Bigfoot 101, replete with newspaper handouts with headlines screaming such newsworthy events as “Lettuce”, and gory flashback inserts where a woman with sizeable… hair (seriously, that helmet had to be a wig) watches her paramour being grabbed mid-coitus by our hirsute antagonist and being left to bleed out on the roof of his shaggin’ wagon. Naturally when Carla Thomas (Shannon Cooper) asks Nugent to help her locate the creepy cryptid she believes is responsible for her father’s murder he can’t say no… and soon he, and his select group of victims… err, I mean students trek off to do just that. Soon the Prof. and co. are on the trail of a local recluse named Wanda (Melanie Graham), the daughter of a lunatic preacher who’s parishioners engaged in cannibalism, inbreeding, and human sacrifice, whom they find engaged in an occult ritual in

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DanXIII

Jul 5, 2022

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Living Dead in the Manchester Morgue (1974)

Less than five minutes into Jorge Grau’s 1974 terror tale, The Living Dead in the Manchester Morgue (or Let Sleeping Corpses Lie as it’s sometimes known) we get psychotronic imagery, mod motor-bike riding, full-frontal nudity, and excessive bongos… none of you know just how much this speaks to me… Brash (read: kind of douchey) artist/Richard Branson clone George (Django Kill… If You Live, Shoot!‘s Ray Lovelock), he of the motor-bike mentioned up yonder, is country bound to help his friends fix-up a house when his bike is smashed by Mini Cooper enthusiast Edna (Cristina Galbó), who in turn is heading out to visit her heroine-addicted sister, Katie (Jeannine Mestre)… who also lives in the ass-end of nowhere, which results in the duo becoming road buddies! After immediately becoming lost as fuck and stopping to ask for directions, the duo discover that farmers in the area are using radiation treatments to reduce the number of insects destroying their crops. Speaking of

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2022

MoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Intergalactic PizzaBoy (2022)

In the fantastic future year of 20XX, man has reached distant planets, and brought with them the most valuable substance in the galaxy; pizza! Enter: Intergalactic Pizza delivery dude (Edgar Nevarez), a man that delivers pies galaxy wide in his flying sensible sedan. All isn’t smooth space sailing however as soon our main man has to deal with space pirates and dissatisfied customers (Cosmic Karens?) while trying to take good care of his mental health in the process. As you can easily surmise from that sinister synopsis up yonder, Jerry S. Gonzalez’s Intergalactic PizzaBoy is a pretty batshit affair… and as you lascivious lot well and truly know, that is just the way yours cruelly digs it! Running approximately nine minutes (with credits and alien death metal song), this sci-fi short has the vibe of a cartoon that would have hit around the time of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon and Troma’s foray into children’s shows; Toxic Crusaders…

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2022

MoviesReviewsSci-Fi

Blu-ray Review: The Return of Captain Invincible (1983)

The Return of Captain Invincible begins with World War II-era newsreel footage of the eponymous super-powered hero (Academy Award winner Alan Arkin) in outrageous action, which sets the stage perfectly for the clever superhero deconstruction that follows… Before long we see the good Captain catching static during the McCarthy witch-hunt for red sympathizers, after which he vanishes from the public eye to become a drunk nomad in the wilds of Australia. Fast forward to the early 1980’s (and cue the disco take on the Theme From Peter Gunn) and we learn after two musical numbers… one comprised strictly of the word “bullshit”, and the other a jaunty gospel number which comes complete with it’s own band (which is odd since the scene in question takes place in a top-secret government war room) that a powerful hypno-ray has turned up missing, and those same official officials, including the President (Michael Pate) himself (the same cat responsible for those swingin’ songs mentioned

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2022

From the Crypt

Blu-ray Review: Monday Morning (1990)

Young musician Bobby (Noah Blake) has it tough; while being a bit on the troubled side, he’s a good enough dude… but his Dad uses him for a punching bag, and he’s no longer welcome at home. Despite that, he still shows up to school come Monday morning (arriving to some sort of hair-metal cover of The Mamas & The Papas’ Monday Monday like the black t-shirt wearin’ badass he is)… which results in the discovery that he, and his gaggle of friends (including Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare‘s Ricky Dean Logan sporting a mullet you simply have to witness to believe) being left out of some sort of upcoming bash because they haven’t lived in town long enough (this town hates everyone not from this town for reasons known only to this town… it didn’t really make sense to me either… but keep kickin’ against the pricks me lads!). Further complicating things is the fact that Bobby digs popular

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DanXIII

Jul 3, 2022

IndieMoviesReviewsSci-Fi

4K UHD Review: God Told Me To (1976)

This is gonna be a stone-cold bitch of a review to write, cats n’ creeps. Ya see, legendary genre filmmaker Larry Cohen’s (The Stuff, Q: The Winged Serpent, the It’s Alive series) God Told Me To, while bein’ a bone-a-fide classic in my book, contains elements so batshit bizarre that I would like nothin’ better than to flap my jaundiced jaws about every last one of ‘em, but that would do any GTMT virgins in the audience a Kong-sized disservice. All right, read on to see if I can pussyfoot through a potential mine-field of spoilers and still grab your interest enough to make you buy this damn thing! God Told Me To concerns the adventures of Peter (Tony Lo Bianco), a New York City detective who is all hot ‘n’ bothered by a series of brutal shootings, all of which contain a unifying element: the perpetrators simply say that god told them to commit the murder-foolery. As a special

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DanXIII

Jul 3, 2022

MoviesReviews

4K UHD Review: Uncle Sam (1996)

Master Sergeant Sam Harper (David Fralick) is burnt to a fuckin’ crisp by “friendly fire” in Kuwait, after which his remains are shipped back to his hometown of Twin Rivers. Receiving said remains is his sister Sally (Leslie Neale), a woman who admittedly runs cold on her sib (as do most seeing as how he was a bit of an asshole)… though her son Jody (Christopher Ogden) worships his deceased uncle Sam and hopes to follow his footsteps and become a soldier his own damn self. This of course would indicate that Jody actually has a future, which is becoming ever more unlikely as a group of teens have inadvertently resurrected Sam by burning a flag on his grave on the Fourth of July which begins his zombie kill spree… eventually dressed as the historical Uncle Sam! How will our pint-sized hero save the day and come to terms with the fact that his beloved uncle is a rather sizeable

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2022

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Pink Flamingos (1972) – Criterion Collection

Ol’ Divine (played by Divine, because no one else could honestly) is the gold star fucking standard when it comes to bein’ filthy… so much so in fact that she has been given the title of “Filthiest Person Alive”, so you know the shit she gets up to is filthier than filthy indeed. Divine is more than content to live the lifestyle in her homebase, namely a trailer located in the ass-end of god-knows-where; with her mother, Edie (Edith Massey), who really, REALLY digs eggs, her son, Crackers (Danny Mills), and her batshit pal, Cotton (Mary Vivian Pierce) … all just wallowing in the nasty. All can’t remain status quo for our outrageous heroine unfortunately, as before long Divine is challenged for her crown by a pair of out-of-town, proud as all hell sick fucks by the name of Raymond and Connie Marble (David Lochary and Mink Stole respectively) who run through a catalog of dirty deeds in pursuit of

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DanXIII

Jun 26, 2022

News

Serious Creatures Comic Book Series Set to Conclude

Look, you cats n’ creeps are the absolute perfect audience for this comic book series from mythic-level mother fucker Tony McMillen! Don’t believe me, check the elevator pitch: Serious Creatures is a fictional comic mostly based on the career of (but not life of) legendary special effects wizard Rob Bottin (John Carpenter’s The Thing, The Howling, Total Recall). Sounds awesome, right? Well ol’ Terrific tony is set to bring the series to a close with the second arc of the story! Here’s more straight from the sinister source: “These six issues (#s 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12) will complete the saga of teenage special FX wizard Bobby Feckle that began in issues 1-6 of Serious Creatures and is now collected in the Serious Creatures Reel 1 trade paperback. Every issue of this series is written, drawn, lettered and colored by me, Tony McMillen. If you know me (and you don’t know me) it’s from my other comics Attaboy ,

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DanXIII

Jun 21, 2022

News

Let’s Bring Let’s Not Meet to Lurid Life!

Listen up cats n’ creeps! do you like being scared shitless? Sure you do, why the hell else would you be on this damn website?!! Well, if chills are what you crave… and you do… you DO… let me point your arcane asses in the direction of this new horror series just waiting to be unleashed by some putrid pals of yours cruelly! Here’s the official wicked words straight from the haunted horses mouth: “Let’s Never Meet will take the spookiest and creepiest stories from the hit true-horror podcast (Let’s Not Meet) and bring them to life on the screen. With over 50 million downloads in five years and thousands of stories from all around the world, fans know that these stories run the gamut from stalkers to sleep walkers, road ragers to home invaders, and everything in between. If someone has lived to tell the tale, Let’s Never Meet will recreate these real life nightmares into television episodes to

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DanXIII

Jun 21, 2022

DanXIII

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